Cómo detectar y detener los celos retroactivos
We’ve all dealt with jealousy in relationships. But you haven’t seen hell if you haven’t experienced retroactive jealousy.
¿Qué es? ¿Cómo se reconoce? Y lo más importante, ¿cómo tratarla?
There’s only one way to get all the answers: by reading on!
¿Qué son los celos retroactivos?
En pocas palabras, retroactive jealousy is jealousy of your significant other’s romantic history. You obsess over their ex-partners, sexual history, and past romantic relationships and interests.
Sin embargo, hay una diferencia entre los celos retroactivos y los celos retroactivos TOC. In the first case, you’re just interested in their previous romances.
Pero si esto se convierte en un trastorno obsesivo-compulsivo, these thoughts turn into compulsions you can’t control.
Signos de celos retroactivos
If you experience most or all of these signs, you’re guilty of retroactive jealousy.
1. Obsessive thoughts about your partner’s previous relationships
The first sign of retroactive jealousy OCD is connected with intrusive thoughts about your significant other’s past love life. Even though you’re perfectly aware that they’ve had their share of previous relationships before you – their past starts to influence your mood.
Of course, there is a difference between retroactive jealousy OCD and just being jealous of your partner’s ex. When you suffer from this obsessive-compulsive disorder, you can’t control your thoughts.
At the end of the day, you become obsessed with your partner’s past relationships, and it is the only thing you can think of.
2. Digging through your partner’s sexual past
One would think that these unwanted thoughts are only concerned with your SO’s romantic past, in the way that you experience jealous feelings not just towards the people they were in serious relationships with but including those you know they cared for.
Sin embargo, este no es el caso. De hecho, también te obsesionas con su pasado sexual. Les haces preguntas, exigiendo respuestas detalladas.
¿Cuál es su número de cadáveres? ¿Con cuántas personas se han acostado sin tener relaciones sentimentales?
You’re snooping through their sexual history and want to know literally everything about their sexual experiences.
Of course, once you get all the details, your negative thoughts start to bother you even more. But at the same time, it’s like there is a force pushing you to find out more and more. Before you know it, you’re trapped in a vicious cycle without seeing a way out.
3. Comparing yourself to your partner’s exes
Consequently, you start to compare yourself to your partner’s exes.
¿Hay alguien a quien hayan querido más que a ti? ¿Son ellos sobre su ex? ¿Alguien de su pasado le proporcionó un placer sexual mayor del que tú podrías proporcionarle jamás?
What do your partner’s exes look like? Are they more attractive than you? Are they more interesting? More successful? More educated? Funnier?
Were your partner’s past relationships more serious than your current relationship? What can you do to be better than their previous partners?
¿Qué puede hacer para que olviden su historia romántica?
Sigues representando diferentes películas mentales en tu cabeza con tu SO y su ex como protagonistas. Y sigues comparándolos con vosotros como pareja.
4. Stalking your significant other’s activities
Another sign of retroactive jealousy OCD is snooping through your SO’s social media, text messages, phone records, and even stalking them – as in following them around. Of course, this is not something you willingly do – your jealous thoughts make you do it.
You’re basically trying to find some clues about their past romantic life. You want to see if they’re in touch with some of their exes or if you could find any info about them.
Su objetivo final es averiguar si they’ll get back together with their ex.
¿Son normales los celos retroactivos?
As long as you’re only curious about your partner’s romantic history, you feel like most people; they just refuse to admit it. You get a bad feeling every time someone mentions their name, and sometimes, you even compare yourself to them. This is an issue we all face from time to time.
Sin embargo, if you can’t control these jealous feelings, if you obsess over your partner’s exes, and if their previous relationships become the center of your life, you’re probably suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder and should visit a psychiatrist.
¿Qué causan los celos retroactivos?
Retrospective jealousy doesn’t appear just like that. It’s a serious problem caused by some deeply rooted issues connected to your mental health.
1. Trauma pasado
First of all, you’re definitely dealing with something from your past. To be exact, you haven’t dealt with something from your past – at least, not in a healthy way.
Estos sentimientos de celos retroactivos pueden estar causados por una ruptura dolorosa del pasado.
¿Alguna de tus relaciones anteriores terminó con tu ex volviendo con su ex?
¿Fuiste tú traicionado por alguien de tu pasado? This doesn’t have to only be a romantic partner – it can be a best friend or primary caregiver. The bottom line is that we’re talking about someone who left you when you needed them the most.
Todo esto está reapareciendo en la superficie y está causando problemas en tu relación romántica actual.
2. Cuestiones de confianza
Te cuesta confiar en la gente. You’re an overthinker que sigue buscando señales de que alguien intenta engañarle y de que algo está pasando a sus espaldas.
¿Por qué? Debes encontrar la causa principal de tu problemas de confianza profundamente arraigados.
Lo primero y más importante, you have to ask yourself if you have a reason not to trust your partner or if you’re dealing with problemas de confianza en general.
If your partner has done something to violate your trust, it’s clearly still bothering you, even though you’ve allegedly forgiven them.
3. Inseguridades personales
Otra causa común de los celos retrospectivos se esconde en tus inseguridades. You clearly think that you’re not suficientemente bueno; otherwise, you wouldn’t be comparing yourself to your partner’s exes.
¿Qué le impide ver su propia autoestima? Does your partner make you feel like you’re insuficiente? ¿O estas inseguridades están relacionadas con algo o alguien ajeno a vuestra relación?
Antes de seguir adelante, tienes que responderte a estas preguntas.
4. Estilo de fijación
I’m sure you’re familiar with the different estilos de fijación. Bueno, si usted puede relacionarse con el estilo de apego ansiosoes una de las razones de tus celos retroactivos.
Your relationship and your SO are your only preoccupation. You’re obsessed with them, and your biggest fear is losing them.
It’s more than obvious that you’re emotionally dependent on this person, which is never good. In that case, you’re not only dealing with retroactive jealousy – your obsessive thoughts refer to your entire relationship.
5. Falta de comunicación sana
If you don’t have comunicación saludable in your relationship, these feelings of retroactive jealousy shouldn’t surprise you.
Instead of talking to your partner about what’s bothering you both (yes, that includes your past lives as well), you direct different mental movies in your head.
Every time you asked your partner about their exes, they gave you vague responses, and it’s made you doubt the entire thing. Even when you try to share your intrusive thoughts with them, they don’t take you seriously and refuse to talk about it.
Consequently, you think that you’re right for feeling this way. You assume that you’re jealous for a reason and that they’re clearly hiding something from you!
¿Cómo son los celos retroactivos?
Los celos retroactivos son a combination of intrusive thoughts you can’t control, insecurities, self-doubts, trust issues, irrational paralyzing fears, and low self-esteem.
¿Cómo detener los celos retroactivos?
Overcoming retroactive jealousy is possible and here’s exactly how it can be done!
1. Identificar la causa
It’s like this with everything in life: you can’t cure the symptoms without identifying the cause. So now that you know what causes retroactive jealousy, tienes que ver cuál es la raíz principal de tu problema.
Which of the causes can you relate to the most? Once you have that figured out, you’re good to go!
2. Don’t repress your feelings
At first, you might think that ignoring your jealous thoughts will make them go away. Well, guess what – it won’t.
These are unwanted thoughts, and all OCD sufferers know it’s impossible to just ignore them. Besides, repressing your emotions is never healthy.
En su lugar, tienes que mirarlos profundamente a los ojos y preguntarte por qué los sientes.
¿De qué tengo miedo? ¿Qué es lo peor que me puede pasar?
Why am I so obsessed with my partner’s romantic history? Am I allowed to have a romantic past? If the answer is yes, why is my SO different?
¿Me falta algo en mi relación que me hace sentir así?
3. Identifica tus patrones de comportamiento tóxico
The next step is to work on your behavior patterns. You can’t snap your finger and chase away your intrusive thoughts, but you can be in charge of your actions.
How many times a day do you check your SO’s ex’s social media profiles? How many times a day do you look at that one photo of them together you managed to find?
Well, it’s about time to reduce it and finally stop with this habit.
The same goes for snooping through your partner’s phone and reading their text messages. After all, if you can’t trust the person you’re with, maybe it’s better to break up right away!
4. Sé sincero con tu pareja
Whether you like to admit it or not, your partner feels your retroactive jealousy. It’s time to be honest with them regarding this issue. Tell them how you feel and do your best to explain everything in detail.
Make sure you tell them that you don’t lay any responsibility on their shoulders. They’re not giving you any reason to feel retroactive jealousy, but you feel it nevertheless.
Por supuesto, esto sólo es posible si hay una buena comunicación. Si no es así, esto es algo en lo que tienes que trabajar antes que nada.
5. Trabajar la autoestima
En resumen, hay que aprender a ponte en primer lugar en tu vida.
Tener un relación sana with your partner is significant – nobody can argue against that. But you know what’s even more important? Building a healthy relación contigo mismo.
Si usted trabaja tu autoestima and learn how to love yourself, you’ll realize that you don’t need this person. Actually, you don’t need anyone besides yourself.
Once you understand that, you’ll realize that even the worst-case scenario wouldn’t be the end of the world. So, what if they really did go back to their ex?
Puedo garantizarte una cosa: ¡sobrevivirías!
6. Reformule sus patrones de pensamiento
Your thought patterns have become a compulsion, and if you think about overcoming retroactive jealousy, it’s time to reframe them. What does that mean?
En primer lugar, cada vez que centrarse en el pasadoreorienta tus pensamientos hacia algo hermoso en tu relación actual.
Every time you think about the qualities of your partner’s ex, name a few things that make you such a great girlfriend or boyfriend.
Cada vez que pienses en el amor que compartían, redirige tus pensamientos hacia la increíble relación que tenéis vosotros dos.
7. Pedir ayuda profesional
Finally, if you suffer from a form of OCD, you’re unlikely to resolve it without psychotherapy.
La TCC (terapia cognitivo-conductual) ha demostrado ser eficaz para muchas personas que padecen TOC, por lo que debería planteársela. con su profesional de salud mental.
Either way, what’s important is to know that there is no shame in asking for help.
Para terminar:
I know this is easier said than done, but please, don’t allow the past to destroy your present and future. The worst part is that it’s not even your past to begin with.
Don’t let retroactive jealousy get the best of your current relationship. Remember: if your SO wanted to be with any of their exes, that’s exactly what they would have done. But they are with you, aren’t they?
