Individuare e fermare la gelosia retroattiva

We’ve all dealt with jealousy in relationships. But you haven’t seen hell if you haven’t experienced retroactive jealousy.

Che cos'è? Come si riconosce? E soprattutto, come si cura?

There’s only one way to get all the answers: by reading on!

Che cos'è la gelosia retroattiva?

In poche parole, retroactive jealousy is jealousy of your significant other’s romantic history. You obsess over their ex-partners, sexual history, and past romantic relationships and interests.

Tuttavia, c'è una differenza tra gelosia retroattiva e disturbo ossessivo compulsivo da gelosia retroattiva. In the first case, you’re just interested in their previous romances.

Ma se questo si trasforma in un disturbo ossessivo-compulsivo, these thoughts turn into compulsions you can’t control.

Segni di gelosia retroattiva

If you experience most or all of these signs, you’re guilty of retroactive jealousy.

1. Obsessive thoughts about your partner’s previous relationships

The first sign of retroactive jealousy OCD is connected with intrusive thoughts about your significant other’s past love life. Even though you’re perfectly aware that they’ve had their share of previous relationships before you – their past starts to influence your mood.

Of course, there is a difference between retroactive jealousy OCD and just being jealous of your partner’s ex. When you suffer from this obsessive-compulsive disorder, you can’t control your thoughts.

At the end of the day, you become obsessed with your partner’s past relationships, and it is the only thing you can think of.

2. Digging through your partner’s sexual past

One would think that these unwanted thoughts are only concerned with your SO’s romantic past, in the way that you experience jealous feelings not just towards the people they were in serious relationships with but including those you know they cared for.

Tuttavia, non è questo il caso. In effetti, siete ossessionati anche dal loro passato sessuale. Fate loro domande, pretendendo risposte dettagliate.

Qual è il loro numero di corpi? Con quante persone sono andati a letto senza avere una relazione sentimentale?

You’re snooping through their sexual history and want to know literally everything about their sexual experiences.

Of course, once you get all the details, your negative thoughts start to bother you even more. But at the same time, it’s like there is a force pushing you to find out more and more. Before you know it, you’re trapped in a vicious cycle without seeing a way out.

3. Comparing yourself to your partner’s exes

Consequently, you start to compare yourself to your partner’s exes.

C'è qualcuno che hanno amato più di quanto amano voi? Sono hanno superato il loro ex? Qualcuno del loro passato ha dato loro un piacere sessuale maggiore di quello che voi potreste mai dare?

What do your partner’s exes look like? Are they more attractive than you? Are they more interesting? More successful? More educated? Funnier?

Were your partner’s past relationships more serious than your current relationship? What can you do to be better than their previous partners?

Cosa si può fare per fargli dimenticare la loro storia romantica?

Continuate a riprodurre nella vostra testa diversi film mentali con il vostro partner e il suo ex nei ruoli principali. E continui a paragonarli a voi due come coppia.

4. Stalking your significant other’s activities

Another sign of retroactive jealousy OCD is snooping through your SO’s social media, text messages, phone records, and even stalking them – as in following them around. Of course, this is not something you willingly do – your jealous thoughts make you do it.

You’re basically trying to find some clues about their past romantic life. You want to see if they’re in touch with some of their exes or if you could find any info about them.

L'obiettivo finale è scoprire se they’ll get back together with their ex.

La gelosia retroattiva è normale?

As long as you’re only curious about your partner’s romantic history, you feel like most people; they just refuse to admit it. You get a bad feeling every time someone mentions their name, and sometimes, you even compare yourself to them. This is an issue we all face from time to time.

Tuttavia, if you can’t control these jealous feelings, if you obsess over your partner’s exes, and if their previous relationships become the center of your life, you’re probably suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder and should visit a psychiatrist.

Cosa provoca la gelosia retroattiva?

Retrospective jealousy doesn’t appear just like that. It’s a serious problem caused by some deeply rooted issues connected to your mental health.

1. Trauma pregresso

First of all, you’re definitely dealing with something from your past. To be exact, you haven’t dealt with something from your past – at least, not in a healthy way.

Questi sentimenti di gelosia retroattiva potrebbero essere causati da una rottura dolorosa del passato.

Una delle vostre precedenti relazioni si è conclusa con il ritorno del vostro ex al suo ex?

Eravate tradito da qualcuno dal tuo passato? This doesn’t have to only be a romantic partner – it can be a best friend or primary caregiver. The bottom line is that we’re talking about someone who left you when you needed them the most.

Tutto questo sta riaffiorando in superficie e sta causando problemi nella vostra attuale relazione sentimentale.

2. Problemi di fiducia

Avete problemi a fidarvi delle persone. You’re an overthinker che continua a cercare i segni che qualcuno sta cercando di ingannarvi e che qualcosa sta accadendo alle vostre spalle.

Perché? Dovete trovare la causa primaria del vostro problemi di fiducia profondamente radicati.

Innanzitutto, you have to ask yourself if you have a reason not to trust your partner or if you’re dealing with problemi di fiducia in generale.

If your partner has done something to violate your trust, it’s clearly still bothering you, even though you’ve allegedly forgiven them.

3. Insicurezze personali

Un'altra causa comune di gelosia retrospettiva è nascosta nella le vostre insicurezze. You clearly think that you’re not abbastanza buono; otherwise, you wouldn’t be comparing yourself to your partner’s exes.

Cosa vi impedisce di vedere la propria autostima? Does your partner make you feel like you’re non sufficiente? Oppure queste insicurezze sono legate a qualcosa o qualcuno al di fuori della vostra relazione?

Prima di andare avanti, è necessario rispondere a queste domande.

4. Stile di fissaggio

I’m sure you’re familiar with the different stili di attacco. Beh, se riuscite a relazionarvi con il stile di attaccamento ansiosoÈ una delle ragioni della vostra gelosia retroattiva.

Your relationship and your SO are your only preoccupation. You’re obsessed with them, and your biggest fear is losing them.

It’s more than obvious that you’re emotionally dependent on this person, which is never good. In that case, you’re not only dealing with retroactive jealousy – your obsessive thoughts refer to your entire relationship.

5. Mancanza di una comunicazione sana

If you don’t have comunicazione sana in your relationship, these feelings of retroactive jealousy shouldn’t surprise you.

Instead of talking to your partner about what’s bothering you both (yes, that includes your past lives as well), you direct different mental movies in your head.

Every time you asked your partner about their exes, they gave you vague responses, and it’s made you doubt the entire thing. Even when you try to share your intrusive thoughts with them, they don’t take you seriously and refuse to talk about it.

Consequently, you think that you’re right for feeling this way. You assume that you’re jealous for a reason and that they’re clearly hiding something from you!

Che effetto fa la gelosia retroattiva?

La gelosia retroattiva è a combination of intrusive thoughts you can’t control, insecurities, self-doubts, trust issues, irrational paralyzing fears, and low self-esteem.

Come posso fermare la gelosia retroattiva?

Overcoming retroactive jealousy is possible and here’s exactly how it can be done!

1. Identificare la causa

It’s like this with everything in life: you can’t cure the symptoms without identifying the cause. So now that you know what causes retroactive jealousy, bisogna vedere qual è la radice principale del problema.

Which of the causes can you relate to the most? Once you have that figured out, you’re good to go!

2. Don’t repress your feelings

At first, you might think that ignoring your jealous thoughts will make them go away. Well, guess what – it won’t.

These are unwanted thoughts, and all OCD sufferers know it’s impossible to just ignore them. Besides, repressing your emotions is never healthy.

Invece, bisogna guardarli a fondo negli occhi e chiedersi perché li si sente.

Di cosa ho paura? Qual è la cosa peggiore che potrebbe accadere?

Why am I so obsessed with my partner’s romantic history? Am I allowed to have a romantic past? If the answer is yes, why is my SO different?

Mi manca qualcosa nella mia relazione che mi fa sentire così?

3. Identificare i propri modelli di comportamento tossici

The next step is to work on your behavior patterns. You can’t snap your finger and chase away your intrusive thoughts, but you can be in charge of your actions.

How many times a day do you check your SO’s ex’s social media profiles? How many times a day do you look at that one photo of them together you managed to find?

Well, it’s about time to reduce it and finally stop with this habit.

The same goes for snooping through your partner’s phone and reading their text messages. After all, if you can’t trust the person you’re with, maybe it’s better to break up right away!

4. Siate onesti con il vostro partner

Whether you like to admit it or not, your partner feels your retroactive jealousy. It’s time to be honest with them regarding this issue. Tell them how you feel and do your best to explain everything in detail.

Make sure you tell them that you don’t lay any responsibility on their shoulders. They’re not giving you any reason to feel retroactive jealousy, but you feel it nevertheless.

Naturalmente, questo può essere possibile solo se la comunicazione è sana. In caso contrario, è un aspetto su cui dovete lavorare prima di ogni altra cosa.

5. Lavorare sulla propria autostima

Il punto fondamentale è che dovete imparare a mettetevi al primo posto nella vostra vita.

Avere un relazione sana with your partner is significant – nobody can argue against that. But you know what’s even more important? Building a healthy rapporto con se stessi.

Se lavorare sulla propria autostima and learn how to love yourself, you’ll realize that you don’t need this person. Actually, you don’t need anyone besides yourself.

Once you understand that, you’ll realize that even the worst-case scenario wouldn’t be the end of the world. So, what if they really did go back to their ex?

Posso garantirvi una cosa: sopravvivereste!

6. Riformulare gli schemi di pensiero

Your thought patterns have become a compulsion, and if you think about overcoming retroactive jealousy, it’s time to reframe them. What does that mean?

Prima di tutto, ogni volta che attenzione al passatoriorientate i vostri pensieri su qualcosa di bello nella vostra attuale relazione.

Every time you think about the qualities of your partner’s ex, name a few things that make you such a great girlfriend or boyfriend.

Ogni volta che pensate all'amore che i due condividevano, riorientate i vostri pensieri verso l'incredibile relazione che voi due avete.

7. Chiedere un aiuto professionale

Finally, if you suffer from a form of OCD, you’re unlikely to resolve it without psychotherapy.

La CBT (terapia cognitivo-comportamentale) si è dimostrata efficace per molte persone affette da disturbo ossessivo compulsivo, ed è un'opzione da prendere in considerazione. con il proprio professionista della salute mentale.

Either way, what’s important is to know that there is no shame in asking for help.

Per concludere:

I know this is easier said than done, but please, don’t allow the past to destroy your present and future. The worst part is that it’s not even your past to begin with.

Don’t let retroactive jealousy get the best of your current relationship. Remember: if your SO wanted to be with any of their exes, that’s exactly what they would have done. But they are with you, aren’t they?