Después de que me rompiera, también me hizo indisponible para los demás

I’m sure you’ve heard stories about girls who change emotionally after they get hurt. About girls who become guarded and more careful.

Sobre chicas que dejan de creer en el amor y que se convierten en asustado de amar.

I’m sure you’ve heard stories about girls who become heartless after they have their heart broken.

Que construyen muros a su alrededor y que se blindan después de que alguien a quien solían amar los derribara por completo.

I’m sure you’ve heard stories about chicas que se vuelven inaccesibles para otros después de que ciertos tipos los hagan pedazos.

Bueno, si lo has hecho, lo sabes todo sobre mí porque soy una de esas chicas.

Soy una de las chicas que amó al hombre equivocado con todo mi corazón. Una chica que le dio todo lo que tenía y una chica que pensó que él la merecía.

I was a girl who put the effort into a relationship which had no future and a girl who was ready to sacrifice herself for this man’s sake.

Pero también fui una chica a la que hirieron. Una chica a la que se dio por sentada y cuyas vulnerabilidades y amor se utilizaron en su contra.

And after I finally ended things with this man, I changed drastically. I stopped believing in people and I thought everyone’s only intention was to hurt me and to romperme el corazón.

I started thinking that all men were the same and I wasn’t even ready to give some guy a chance because I thought I would just end up heartbroken, like I was in the past.

Así que estaba dispuesta a hacer lo que hiciera falta para impedirlo. Levanté la guardia y construí gruesos muros emocionales alrededor de mi corazón, lo bastante fuertes como para mantener alejados a todos los intrusos.

And yes, I’ve become an mujer emocionalmente no disponible. Or some might say that I’ve become emotionally damaged as well.

Sí, probablemente este modo de vida me ha privado de mucho amor.

I’ve probably missed out on meeting some extraordinary people and it is possible that I’ve failed to let in some amazing guys who deserved to have a chance.

Y podría decirse que esto no tiene nada de bueno.

But the truth is that although I’ve become unavailable for others to love me, I’ve also guarded myself from every possible emotional pain.

I’ve also become unavailable for anyone else to hurt me. I’ve prevented my heart from getting broken again.

I’ve saved myself from any potential tears and disappointments. I’ve saved myself from wasting my time and energy on someone who isn’t worthy of me lifting a finger.

I’ve saved myself from getting my hopes up and planning a future with someone who has been manipulating me all along. From falling in love with someone who just wants to get into my pants.

I’ve saved myself from being emotionally or maltrato físicode ser engañada y de ser humillada.

De ser culpado por cada pequeña cosa que sale mal y de que alguien me diga que no soy digno de su amor o atención.

I’ve saved myself from being taken advantage of, from being led on and from being taken for granted.

De preguntarme por qué un hombre al que amo tanto nunca puede amarme lo suficiente y por qué nunca puede ser sólo mío.

I’ve saved myself from hours and hours of staring at a blank phone screen, waiting for him to call me or to answer my text.

From falling asleep all dressed up, waiting for him to pick me up. I’ve saved myself numerous sleepless nights and from an ocean of tears.

De rogarle a un hombre que me elija y me ame. De rogarle que se comprometa conmigo.

I’ve saved myself from questioning my worth and wondering why I was never enough. From asking myself if there was something more I could have done to make the man I love love me more.

And I don’t know if that was the best thing I could have done. I don’t know if I could have chosen another way to deal with my abandonment trauma and with my heartbreak.

Pero lo que sí sé es que era lo único que sabía hacer. Y que, por aquel entonces, veía este camino como la única forma de curarme y de ayudarme a mí misma.