No hemos hablado en una semana después de la pelea - ¿Se acabó?

Couples fight, no matter how much we’d all like to deal with our relationship problems in an easier way. Opinions clash, needs don’t get met, and everyone makes mistakes – conflict in a relationship is inevitable.

La forma de afrontar una discusión cuando surge depende en gran medida de tu capacidad de comunicación y de tu inteligencia emocional. Sin embargo, tu actitud es lo que más influye en el resultado del conflicto: what it is you’re looking to achieve from an argument with your partner.

Una discusión puede convertirse rápidamente en una pelea cuando las emociones están a flor de piel y things are said in the heat of the moment that you’d normally never say to your partner. If either of you is looking to win the fight instead of striving to solve your problems, then the last thing you’re going to reach is a solution.

This is what usually leads to situations in which you might end up thinking, “We haven’t talked in a week after fight – what should I do?” There’s really only one thing to do if you want to save your relationship: trágate tu orgullo y tiende la mano.

We Haven’t Talked In A Week After Fight – What Should I Do?

Lack of contact doesn’t have to mean that the relationship is over. If your anger has subsided by this point and all you’re left with is the thought, “We haven’t talked in a week after fight,” your worry that things might be serious is understandable.

Si su pareja ha cortado la comunicación tras una fuerte discusión, la preocupación y la incertidumbre pueden provocarle ansiedad. Your partner keeping their distance can make you think they want to break up, but it’s too soon to panic.

It’s normal for parejas para luchar, and your relationship can recover as long as you’re prepared to work to solve your problems. So what should you do – contact your partner, or give them space? ¿Mejorarán las cosas si les das espacio o si te pones en contacto con ellos?

Resolver esto es un reto porque unless they’ve let you know what‘s going on, you can’t be sure whether they want you to contact them or not, but this is exactly where the answer lies. Deciding what to do depends on which one of the following two situations you find yourself in.

1. Si tu pareja te ha hecho saber que necesita espacio

Déjalos en paz.

Si inmediatamente después de la pelea, su pareja le ha dicho directamente que necesito espacio or told a mutual friend that they can’t talk to you right now, you’re aware of the reason for the lack of contact. This isn’t the time to push and be clingy.

In this case, respect your partner’s wishes and give them space to work out their issues. You can’t make your partner talk to you until they’re ready. Don’t try to get them to explain things right now, and especially don‘t try to continue the argument.

Puede que necesiten tiempo para enfadarse. Forzar las cosas después de que tu pareja te diga que no te pongas en contacto solo prolongará la situación.

If you dwell on what happened and what they might decide, you‘ll drive yourself crazy thinking about what’s going on. Déjalo pasar por ahora para centrarte en ti y en tu propia vida. Es más fácil decirlo que hacerlo, pero la forma más sencilla de distraerse es encontrar algo que te mantenga ocupado, preferiblemente haciendo algo que te guste.

2. If your partner hasn’t contacted you since the fight

Póngase en contacto.

If you haven’t heard from your partner at all since the fight, you can’t possibly know what’s going on. Your partner might be hurt and need space to work out their feelings, or they might be punishing you. They might be playing games, but avoid the temptation to push back.

Your partner might be stuck in a win/lose mindset and believe that you’re to blame for whatever happened and that you should take the first step. Este tipo de pensamiento no tiene cabida en un relación sana, and it’s something you should work on after things have calmed down a little.

Nevertheless, if you’re trying to avoid a breakup, the first thing to do is put your ego aside. Someone has to take the first step, and it might as well be you. Right now, stop focusing on who was right or wrong. Think of your relationship: is being right worth losing it? Pon el amor por delante del orgullo.

¿Cuánto tiempo hay que esperar después de una pelea?

Unless your partner has explicitly told you not to contact them, then do it as soon as possible. If your partner has told you that they need space, don’t contact them until they do. Otherwise, you won’t know what‘s happening until you get in touch.

Puede que ignoren tu mensaje, en cuyo caso you shouldn’t contact them again. They‘ll know you made a move and that the ball is now in their court. They might let you know that they need some time until they’re ready to talk, in which case, darles espacio hasta que lleguen.

Puede que su pareja estuviera esperando a que usted diera el primer paso y le demostrara que le importa. If there’s goodwill and a desire to continue your relationship on both sides, you can get over this. Don’t wait for your partner to contact you – reach out and extend an olive branch. Let them know that you’re willing to work for your relationship.

Una buena forma de ponerse en contacto es enviando un mensaje de texto o un mensaje de voz. This doesn’t put immediate pressure on them to respond like a phone call would, and it gives the both of you the chance to organize your thoughts. Después, cuando te respondan, puedes concertar una reunión o cualquier otra forma que os permita mantener una conversación.

Cómo actuar con tu pareja después de una pelea

Communicate with your partner sincerely and respect both of your feelings. There’s no need to be meek and walk on eggshells to avoid spooking your partner. Instead, encourage them to speak up and let you know when they can‘t talk about something.

Your and your partner’s mental health are important factors in the health of your relationship. Los problemas personales pueden dificultar la resolución de conflictos. It’s important to be understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

1. Piensa en la pelea antes de hablar con tu pareja.

Una discusión puede empezar cuando le pides a tu pareja que haga una tarea y acabar en lágrimas, portazos y silencio de radio. Antes de intentar hablar con ellos, piensa seriamente en tu reciente pelea y otras peleas para averiguar por qué algo insignificante se intensificó y cómo evitar que vuelva a ocurrir.

Algunas preguntas que hacerse:

• Was the reason for the fight something that’s been bothering you for a while?

Sometimes couples fight about the same thing over and over again or bottle something up until it explodes. It might be a conflict in their values or a behavior they’re unwilling to change, but it has to be dealt with.

• Did you say something they can’t get over?

Sometimes in the heat of the moment, things are said that don’t seem like a big deal to one person but cut deep and feel overwhelming to the other.

• How did you act in the fight?

Cuando te comunicas, todo, desde el tono de voz hasta el lenguaje corporal y las palabras que utilizas, le dice a tu pareja cómo te sientes y viceversa. Si estabas muy enfadado durante la pelea y te sentías vengativo, tu pareja puede pensar que tus sentimientos hacia ella han cambiado.

• Were you fighting to win the fight or to solve the problem?

Constructivo los argumentos pueden ser útiles en las relaciones. They help you see the other person’s point of view and can even bring you closer together. When all you focus on is proving your point, conflicts end in resentment instead of solutions.

• Do you fight often?

If you often fight about insignificant things, it usually means that there is an underlying issue you’re not dealing with. Before you can move forward, you have to figure out what it is and how to address it.

• Are there other signs that there are issues in your relationship?

Just because you and your partner aren’t best friends (yet) isn’t in itself a problem. On the other hand, if you don’t like spending time together, don’t listen to each other, if you complain and criticize each other, you might be in trouble.

• Did you hurt your partner on purpose?

Sometimes when you‘re hurt and angry, all you want to do is make the other person hurt too, even though you later regret it. Sometimes anger lingers, and people take it further when they should let it go.

For example, posting pics of you partying with friends on social media the next day when you know your partner will see them while they’re hurting.

• Are you willing to work on your problems?

Esto es clave. A menos que ambos dispuestos a trabajarLas discusiones se repetirán y tu novio o novia podría convertirse en tu ex novio o ex novia.

Answers to these questions might give you the answers to ”Why won’t my partner talk to me in a week after a fight?” and “How can I get them to come back?“ You‘ll get a picture of how to apologize and how to approach your partner. Really giving it some thought might even give you an idea if it’s space they need.

2. Don’t view arguments as zero-sum games.

La situación menos beneficiosa después de una discusión en una relación es si ambos miembros de la pareja se culpan mutuamente e intentan tener la sartén por el mango haciendo que la otra persona tienda la mano primero. If at least one person demonstrates the willingness to communicate and reconcile, it can get easier – just don’t be the one to wait for your partner to do so.

Be honest: it’s very possible that you are also experiencing toxic thoughts and negative feelings regarding who’s to blame y lo que significa ser el que da el primer paso. Cuanto antes abandones la idea de que la persona que te tiende la mano es la perdedora, antes podrás emprender el camino para mejorar las cosas.

Being the one to forgive doesn’t imply that from now on, the other person can do whatever they want or that they’re somehow the winner of the fight. Aun así, debes poner límites a tu pareja y esperar que los respete. En una asociación no hay ganadores ni perdedores.

Dedica tu energía a buscar una solución en lugar de intentar ganar la discusión.

3. Sé compasivo.

If your partner is reluctant to communicate after the fight, don’t try to force them to open up; instead, give them the option and let them know you’re willing to listen. Emotional distance following an argument isn’t necessarily a sign of a dysfunctional relationship, but it can mean that the person who’s withdrawing isn’t equipped to deal with the situation.

Si su pareja le tratamiento silencioso or stonewalling you, it doesn’t have to be seen as an immediate sign that they’re trying to manipulate you, although it can be. Whether it’s a coping mechanism when they’re feeling overwhelmed, they’re too upset to continue, or a manipulation technique can be determined from other aspects of your relationship.

Trying to reach someone who doesn’t want to talk can be frustrating, but trying to force it won’t have any effect aside from making you argue again.

4. Piensa en lo que debes decir.

When you approach your partner, do so with the best intentions and with an idea of what you want to say. Here are some things you might want to include to let your partner know you’re ready to communicate.

• Offer an explanation, but don’t look for excuses. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean it if it has hurt your partner.

• Let them know you feel bad about the fight. Be specific if you especially regret saying or doing something. Apologize if you think that’s what you need to do, but make sure your apology is genuine.

- Asumir la responsabilidad por tu comportamiento durante la pelea y lo que le llevó a ello.

• Express regret about the fight y reconocer su comportamiento.

• Ask your partner how you can make things better. Hazles saber lo que necesitas de ellos.

• Show how much your partner means to you and that you want to deal with your problems. Promise – and mean it – that you’ll do better.

- Dile a tu pareja que vuestra relación es más importante que la pelea and that you don’t want to fight anymore.

5. Saber cuándo pedir ayuda.

Si resulta imposible resolver las cosas por tu cuenta, considera la posibilidad de acudir juntos a un profesional. Siempre que ambos queráis seguir juntos, tenéis que aprender a afrontar los conflictos y a tratar los problemas subyacentes en vuestra relación.

Éstas son algunas señales de que los problemas de tu relación pueden ser demasiado graves para que los resuelvas tú solo y de que deberías pedir ayuda:

- Amenazas. If you’re constantly threatening to break up while you fight, one of these days it’s going to happen. You need to examine why this happens.

- Ultimátums. Esto es lo contrario del compromiso, que es uno de los pilares de una asociación.

- Burla. Insultarse mutuamentehacer cosas sólo para fastidiar a la otra persona, y otros signos de querer perjudicarse mutuamente.

- Infidelidad. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a long and difficult process that can be too much to handle. If you’ve decided to continue your relationship after infidelity, terapia de pareja podría facilitar las cosas.

- Resentimiento. Si durante las discusiones sacas a relucir cosas no sólo de la noche anterior, sino del año pasado, es posible que haya asuntos sin resolver.

¿Acércate o dales espacio?

Después de una gran pelea en una relación que acaba con voces levantadas, lágrimas y una reticencia a tratar los problemas reales, ambos miembros de la pareja se sentirán heridos y enfadados. The first time you fight with your significant other in that way will be the last time you fight at all unless one of you reaches out because there won’t be a relationship to fight about.

“We had a fight” can easily turn into ”We haven’t talked in a week after fight,” which puede convertirse en una ruptura a menos que alguien se atreva a hacer las cosas bien.

You don’t have to be the one to do so, but if you see that your partner hasn’t contacted you in a couple of days and hasn’t given you an indication that they need space, rather than waiting for them to come around, sea quien establezca el contacto.