Me Voy Porque Nunca Estuviste Cuando Te Necesité

Necesitaba que compartieras mis penas.

I needed you to listen. To be there when I couldn’t even be there for myself. When I was weak and out of strength.

Sólo necesitaba que estuvieras a mi lado. Necesitaba que me abrazaras tan fuerte que el dolor se congelara en ese momento.

I needed you… but you were never there.

Necesitaba que compartieras mi felicidad.

You were always the first one on my mind when things were going great. When the sun shone down on me and I couldn’t believe how lucky and successful I was, you weren’t there to really share it with me.

You were listening but you didn’t hear me. You were more interested in your own happy moments as well as those sad ones. When it was all about you and I had the role of the listener, only then you were at ease.  

Te necesitaba para compartir mis sueños y soñar algunos nuevos contigo.  Pero nunca estuviste allí.

Siempre estabas demasiado ocupado. Nunca tenías tiempo para mí y siempre había algo que exigía tu tiempo más que yo.

I was never at the top of your priority list— that’s if you would find the time at all.  

Te necesitaba como tú a mí. La diferencia es que yo siempre estaba a tu lado, apoyándote, siendo feliz porque tú eras feliz, pero tú no aparecías por ninguna parte cuando se trataba de mí.

I don’t blame you for anything I am just letting you go. That’s something that was bound to happen at some point. I just delayed the inevitable.  

Supongo que me sentí afortunada de tenerte aunque ahora lo sé mejor.

I couldn’t see clearly that you weren’t investing in me at all while I was giving everything to you. I was always the one who understood everything. I thought my love and my effort will be enough.

But it wasn’t—I couldn’t love for the both of us.

Intenté racionalizar y me decía a mí misma que las cosas mejorarían.

Siempre esperaba días mejores, que encontraras tiempo para mí. Que encontraras tiempo para nosotros. Esos días nunca llegaron.

Nunca vinieron porque eras inventar excusas to cover the fact that you want me just when it suits you. Your friends, your career, you yourself and the part of your life without me were all more important. And I never wanted to put myself first on your priority list—I just wanted to be equally important.

Sólo quería sentir que importo.

That even though you don’t have time, you would find some for me. Because that’s what people in love do—hacen tiempo. Hacen todo lo posible por ver a alguien que les importa. Puede que no pasen todo el tiempo que quisieran, pero sí todo el que tienen. El problema es que tú nunca tuviste ese tiempo para mí; nunca estuviste ahí.

Todos esos pequeños momentos encerrados dentro de mí. Estaban esperando como una bomba de relojería para explotar y casi podía verlo venir. Todos ellos se mezclaron en ese gran momento en el que te llamé y lloré, rogándote que vinieras a verme, que estuvieras a mi lado al menos en ese momento en el que más te necesitaba. Esa vez sentí que mi mundo se derrumbaba.

You weren’t there and suddenly I realized I was all by myself all this time. I will make it on my own in the future. I realized I never truly had you but you had me.

And you know what? The time has come to finally put me first and to find time for my needs. You can find someone else to feed your ego and look good next to you because I’m out. 

The equation is pretty simple, if you loved me, you’d be there for me. And since you weren’t, since you were always absent when I needed you the most, I learned that I’m enough on my own. This purifying revelation saved me. 

I’m enough. I don’t need you. I can make it on my own.