A message to the every mom

Hang in there momma. I promise you got this, even when you feel like you don’t. Believe me when I say, I know exactly how you’re feeling and exactly what you’re thinking right now. Every mom, who loves her family…even when she’s barely hanging on by a thread…knows.

You feel like your whole existence is defined between cleaning a house only to have it dirty again or tending to everyone but yourself—the endless amount of laundry piled on the floor, dishes stacked in the sink, trash cans filled with as much as they will hold. Toys are scattered here, junk left there. Stuff that has accumulated back on the kitchen counter, living room, or bathroom…once again. As you repeat this never-ending cycle, you feel hopeless, beat and somewhat unappreciated.

It’s not that being a mother is not rewarding. There’s no greater feeling than seeing your children accomplish something that you helped them learn. Or do something spectacular that they’ve taught themselves. How heartwarming it is seeing them reach their goals. It’s just that this same repetitive routine of chores feels so demeaning. In no way is it enjoyable.

It’s a feeling you often don’t share out loud because you don’t want to sound like a bad mom. A mom that didn’t meet the mold. A mom that didn’t make the cut. You see, society puts so much pressure on us moms that we feel as though this is what we must do…. without ever having a breakdown!

I know momma, I know. You’re so much more than just this. You have talent within you which seems as if it’s going to waste. You want to be this mom role (it’s not that you don’t love it)…yet you also want to showcase your talents to the world at the same time. Show everyone what you’re capable of doing. Utilize the other talents that you have been given.

Surely by now you’ve pondered your worth, and you’ve questioned your ability to ever be successful again outside of these 4 walls. You think you’ve failed your family, your children, yourself. You think that with each passing day, it’s slowly becoming too late to try to make more of yourself.

Your house feels like it secludes you from the outside. People so near, but yet they all feel so far. It’s like you’re isolated from the world. Talking to just your kids, the walls, or yourself has become normalized. Social media may give you some adult interaction at times….but still that is not enough to fill your void. Silence seems to have become the norm.

You start to count the hours down eventually—6 more hours to bedtime, 4 more hours till practice, 2 1/2 more hours till school’s out, 1 more hour till nap time. Well, if there’s a nap time…that’s a challenge in itself. Some days drag on for what feels like eternity.

 

Mother holding a baby

 

When dad gets home, a small sigh of relief washes over you. You’re happy to see your partner, eager to see how his day went and be in his presence. Yet, the unsure attitude of your spouse lingers in the air. Will it be a evening of his helpful hands and understanding mind? Or will he walk through that door frustrated, glued to the TV, with no care in the world—oblivious to the fact that his house is full of chaos, but coherent enough to ask, “What did you get done today?”?

His tone, the voice of comparison, confirms that the countless hours of cleaning went unnoticed.
He fails to realize your let down by his remark, and how offensive they truly are. The pain of knowing you’ve done so much and it went down the drain—stings. Just like you show appreciation for his work, you too want appreciation for yours.

Never mind: the dishes that have been put away, the laundry that didn’t do itself, the shiny floor that was swept and mopped, beds that were made, a dinner that is hot and ready to go. Let’s not forget the kids that have done their homework, bathed and been attended to in countless other ways. There’s the trash that has been dumped, the bathrooms that are spotless, and a home that is nicely kept. The list goes on and on and on…just like it has done every single day for as long as you can remember. Still there are no wages earned, no building to escape too, no position to claim. Your role is unappreciated and devalued within minutes. Your efforts and hard work are easily dismissed.

See also: Mom, You Are more than Enough!

See, momma, I know. I know you’re reading this right now and you’re on the verge of tears. You want to break down and give up. Momma: don’t quit. Know that a ton of mommas are one meltdown awa, from losing their minds. The momma in the grocery store whose child is throwing a tantrum; the momma in the drive- through whose child is hitting their sibling; the momma in the assembly whose child refuses to sit down—you are not alone. Have a moment to yourself: nap it off or cry it out.

YOU ARE MOMMA. No one can ever do your job (YES JOB) the way that you graciously do. The way you do it with so much love. Your babies need you; your family needs you. Though this job was meant to be for two, you, momma, are strong enough to carry the load.

by A. L.