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193 Funny Love Quotes & Sayings That Will Make You Pee Your Pants

193 Funny Love Quotes & Sayings That Will Make You Pee Your Pants

Love is beautiful. Love is complex. And do you know what else love is? It is FUNNY and these funny love quotes prove that!

If you can’t remember the last time you laughed your heart out, let today be the day that you do!.

When you’re in love, your whole world changes and you start living in your own, magical reality.

Your cell phone becomes your best friend because your loved one lives in it when you’re not together.

Sometimes you spend hours worrying and overthinking the most trivial things. Again, for the sake of love.

You start doing things you normally wouldn’t because when it comes to love, you don’t think twice.

Funny moments, arguments, and misunderstandings become a part of your daily life.

That is when you realize your life is no longer in black and white but is painted with beautiful, funny colors you never knew existed.

A single message from your special one can make your day, and one missed call can turn it into a nightmare.

You worry, you cry, you stargaze and smile and you know that it is worth it!

You wouldn’t give up that feeling of playful butterflies in your stomach for anything else in the world because it’s the best sensation!

And do you know what’s even better?

Peeing your pants from laughing. Take a deep breath and let’s dive into a sea of I love you so much quotes that are funny, hilarious, and unique!

Funny Love Quotes For Him

1. “You’re the cheese to my macaroni.” – Unknown

2. “I want to be the reason that when you look down at your phone, you’ll have this goofy smile in your face and jump up and down like a silly little girl, and then fall down a manhole.” – Unknown

3. “I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.” – Unknown

4. “I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.” – Unknown

5. “You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash.” – Jarod Kintz

6. “Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.” – Unknown

7. “You’re like a dictionary – you add meaning to my life.” – Unknown

8. “Together with you is my favorite place to be.” – Unknown

9. “Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.” – Unknown

10. “It’s amazing how one day someone walks into your life, and then the next day you wonder how you lived without them.” – Unknown

11. “Let’s be weird and wonderful together.” – Unknown

12. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen

13. “Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesterday… yesterday you were pretty annoying.” – Unknown

14. “As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” – Ralphie May

15. “Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!” – Unknown

16. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” – Jean Illsley Clarke

17. “You’re the cheese on top of my spaghetti, the cream on top of my frappuccino and the cheesecake on my red velvet cake.” – Unknown

Funny Love Quotes For Her

18. “My head and my heart will never cease their endless war. When my head says ‘I don’t care, my heart says ‘I do care’. When my head says ‘I’m not thinking about her, my heart says ‘of course you do.’” – Unknown

19. “My mind works great wonders 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day until I met you.” – Unknown

20. “Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you!” – Unknown

21. “You want to know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.” – Unknown

22. “I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu. But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you.” – Unknown

23. “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller

24. “In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.” – Unknown

25. “You’re just like bacon, beer and chocolate – you make everything better.” – Unknown

26. “You are the pain in my butt, the dent in my wallet and the scratches in my brand new car that I don’t mind.” – Unknown

27. “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.” – Jean Kerr

28. “I love you more than beer, and I really love beer.” – Unknown

29. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” – Chris Rock

30. “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde

31. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

32. “Promise yourself not to be a woman who needs a man to live, but a woman a man needs.” – Unknown

33. “Stop waiting for your prince on a white horse. Go and find him. The poor bastard might be lost, stuck in an island or something.” – Unknown

34. “Every girl deserves a guy that can make her smile even when she doesn’t want to.” – Unknown

35. “An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

36. “I love you even when I’m really, really hungry.” – Unknown

37. “It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” – Whitney Cummings

38. “I love you from my head tomatoes.” – Unknown

39. “Forever is a long time, make sure you spend it with someone who makes you laugh!” – Unknown

Funny Love Quotes From Movies

40. “The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.” – The Book Thief

41. “I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother’s pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever’s in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences… But the thing is, um, what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.” – Mark Darcy, Bridget Jones’s Diary

42. “Juno MacGuff: I think I’m in love with you.

Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?

Juno MacGuff: No… I mean for real. ‘Cause you’re, like, the coolest person I’ve ever met, and you don’t even have to try, you know…

Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.” – Juno

43. “Yes, to the untrained eye, I’m eating an orange. But to the eye that has brains, I’m making a point about marriage. For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin. Then the sweet, sweet innards.” – Homer, The Simpsons

44. “She’s your lobster. Come on, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws.” – Phoebe, Friends

45. “I’m glad he’s single, ’cause I’m gonna climb that like a tree.” – Megan, Bridesmaids

46. “Noah: Would you just stay with me?

Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us! We’re already fighting!

Noah: Well that’s what we do! We fight! You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you’re being a pain in the ass! Which you are, 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings, you have like a two-second rebound rate and you’re back doing the next pain in the ass thing.

Allie: So, what?

Noah: So it’s not gonna be easy, it’s gonna be really hard. And we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me. Everyday.” – The Notebook

47. “I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – Harry, When Harry Met Sally

48. “Pat: You have poor social skills. You have a problem.

Tiffany: I have a problem? You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things.” – Silver Linings Playbook

See also: Movie Quotes About Love: 130 Most Romantic Quotes From Movies

Cute Funny Love Quotes

49. “My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan.” – Leopold Fetchner

50. “If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” – Chelsea Peretti

51. “I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” – Mindy Kaling

52. “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

53. “Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.” – Fran Lebowitz

54. “Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.” – Helen Gurley Brown

55. “A person in love partly becomes a poet, a composer and the corniest person in the room.” – Unknown

56. “People should fall in love with their eyes closed.” – Andy Warhol

57. “You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” – Hussein Nishah

58. “This is as close as I can get to describing it – a hot pancake with butter melting on top and a steaming cup of coffee as soon as I open my eyes. That’s how wonderful it is to wake up knowing you are mine and I am yours.” – Unknown

59. “I wish there’s a traffic light to tell me when to stop, go and slow down when I took this road of falling in love.” – Unknown

60. “To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” – Unknown

61. “When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” – Mark Twain

62. “The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.” – Sophie Monroe

63. “Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing.” – Helen Rowland

64. “I can’t make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.” – Rob Delaney

65. “Girls cry their eyes out until they are dry, while boys drink their beers until their mugs are all dried up.” – Unknown

Marriage & Relationship Funny Love Quotes

66. “Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.” – Unknown

67. “The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” – Coleridge

68. “Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.” – Bob Ettinger

69. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck

70. “The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What… does a woman want?’” – Freud

71. “Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” – Phyllis Schlafly

72. “A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

73. “Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlist.” – James Garner

74. “Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.” – Unknown

75. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

76. “Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.” – Unknown

77. “For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” – Bill Cosby

78. “Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debating.” – Ray Bandy

79. “A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.” – Unknown

80. “It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.” – Unknown

81. “Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to ‘Unstable'”. – Unknown

82. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

83. “Marriage: a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.” – Beverly Nichols

84. “Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six-hour argument takes talent.” – Unknown

85. “If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say ‘Now you’re super mad!'” – Unknown

86. “Every marriage tends to consist of an aristocrat and a peasant.” – John Updike

87. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx

88. “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland

89. “The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.” – Unknown

90. “When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.” – Unknown

91. “If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards.” – J.A. Redmerski

92. “What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” – Cindy Garner

93. “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason

94. “All I know is one of us is right and the other one is you.” – Unknown

95. “Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it.” – Helen Rowland

96. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers

97. “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” – Chelsea Handler

98. “In any perfect relationship men should remember it’s a matter of direction; she takes what’s right and you take what’s left.” – Solitaire Parke

99. “Marriage does not only require you to deal with expenses and the toilet seat, you also have to deal with feelings and the last resort, the lawyers.” – Unknown

100. “Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke

101. “Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.” – Professor Irwin Corey

102. “I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.” – Steven Wright

103. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni

104. “Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” – Jackie Mason

105. “Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.” – Richard Pryor

106. “My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.” – Unknown

107. “Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.” – Tommy Dewar

108. “Getting into a relationship may seem tempting, but so was getting on the Titanic and look what happened there.” – Unknown

109. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henry Youngman

110. “Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.” – Unknown

111. “Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” – Unknown

Romantic Funny Love Quotes

112. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

113. “If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” – Fran Lebowitz

114. “Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby – awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” – Lemony Snicket

115. “Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.” – Charlie Brown

116. “Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” – David Sedaris

117. “Good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.” – Unknown

118. “When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.” – Unknown

119. “Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.” – Unknown

120. “If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.” – Unknown

121. “Staying in love for more than 5 years is almost impossible. Staying in love with the same person for the rest of your life is a miracle.” – Unknown

122. “You’ll know a person is in love when he can laugh like a fool by himself and keeps a goofy smile plastered on his face all day long.” – Unknown

123. “The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.” – Blaise Pascal

124. “If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.” – Chuck Palahniuk

125. “If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.” – Jarod Kintz

126. “You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I’m scared!” – Unknown

127. “You know how people say, ‘you can’t live without love’? Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser

128. “To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god or an ordinary young woman for a goddess.” – H. L. Mencken

129. “I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.” – Unknown

130. “I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.” – Unknown

See also: 250+ Amazing, Funny And Cute Instagram Captions About Love

Short Funny Love Quotes

131. “Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.” – English Proverb

132. “I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” – Russell Brand

133. “A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt.” – Spanish Proverb

134. “It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” – Lucille Ball

135. “If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin

136. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

137. “A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.” – Les Dawson

138. “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Elizabeth Evans

139. “Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.” – Fulton J. Sheen

140. “I had a dream that I still loved you…I think I woke up screaming.” – Unknown

141. “Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills.” – Jessica Martin

142. “Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.” – George Carlin

143. “I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?” – Unknown

144. “Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce

145. “Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.” – Unknown

146. “Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.” – Unknown

147. “People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.” – Bob Hope

148. “Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along!” – Unknown

149. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” – Unknown

150. “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” – Joan Rivers

151. “Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.” – Unknown

152. “At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.” – Plato

153. “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” – Scott Adams

154. “What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.” – Pearl Bailey

Love Is Funny Quotes And Sayings

155. “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” – Natasha Leggero

156. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” – Erich Segal

157. “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

158. “Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar

159. “Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” – Lynda Barry

160. “Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken

161. “Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” – Carroll Bryant

162. “Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” – Jules Renard

163. “Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar

164. “Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery

165. “Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.” – Unknown

166. “Love is like a tornado, it picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.” – Unknown

167. “True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.” – François de la Rochefoucauld

168. “Love, I’ve come to understand is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.” – Nicholas Sparks

169. “If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” – Miles Davis

170. “Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” – Cathy Carlyle

171. “Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.” – Jewish Proverb

172. “Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.” – Unknown

173. “Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” – W. Somerset Maugham

174. “If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.” – Katherine Mansfield

175. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

176. “Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” – Bree Luckey

177. “Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.” – 30 Rock

178. “Love is sharing your popcorn.” – Charles Schultz

179. “Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.” – Unknown

Funny Love Quotes For Husband

180. “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner

181. “A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

182. “When a woman says “What?” It’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.” – Unknown

183. “I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night and your most painful goodbye.” – Unknown

184. “My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.” – Ray Romano

185. “What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” – Cindy Garner

186. “The more she turned right the more I turned wrong.” – Mark W. Boyer

187. “No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.” – Unknown

188. “In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.” – Woody Allen

189. “My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” – Rodney Dangerfield

190. “I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” – David Bissonette

191. “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld

192. “My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.” – Rodney D

193. “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” – Jimmy Durante

I hope these funny love quotes didn’t really make you pee your pants from all the laughter because trying not to burst out in laughter while writing them down was really hard!.

As always, remember to share these funniest quotes with your friends and loved ones because they will certainly make their day!