I made myself believe that my whole world is spinning around you. I convinced myself that without you, there is no me. That without you, I was nothing.
I believed that you are a hero trapped in a human being. I believed that you could fix me. I thought you can make my past go away, that you can make everything that’s bad about me disappear.
I believed you’re my other half and that with finding you, I got everything I needed to get from this life.
I actually believed if I made you love me, if I could convince you I’m worthy, you’d never give up on me. And then I’d finally be capable of loving myself too.
But, God, I was so wrong.
You can’t convince somebody to love you, and most definitely, self-love has nothing to do with love other people give us.
When you left, you took my hopes with you. You’ve should fixed me, but you didn’t.
You should’ve made everything that’s bad in my life disappear, but instead, you were the one that disappeared.
When you left, I had no wall to lean on anymore. I had nothing to be strong for.
I felt more scared than when I had you. You added another crack in that broken glass already.
But what you don’t know is that by leaving me, you made me open my eyes. When you left, I was left alone.
Soon, I came to realize that the strong wall which you represented for me, on which I was constantly leaning, wasn’t actually something that was holding me from falling down.
It was something that I was chained to and that made me unable to move. Relying on you was something that was holding me back.
So, when you moved on, I dared myself to move on, too. When you gave up on me, I decided to fight for myself.
I am pushing my limits to see what I’m made of. I’m learning that I’m more than fine the way I am and that I don’t need anybody to fix me. I’m learning that I need time to allow myself to heal and that’s it.
I’m learning to love myself. I’m learning to forgive my past, and I’m learning slowly to move forward.
I’m allowing myself to be single and to enjoy it. I’m allowing myself to make peace with who I am.
You giving up on me was the moment I decided to stop giving up on myself. It was the moment when I decided to fight for myself—the very moment when I decided I am worthy no matter what you or anybody else said or will say.
I survived the thing I thought would kill me. And therefore, if you ever think of reaching out again or saying you’re sorry, there is no need.
I’ve learned not to hold grudges and to convert each event in my past into a life lesson.
I also learned to not look back. You are the chapter in my book that I already read.
There is no need to go back or re-read it—I think I made the best of it.