Why don’t guys like me? It seems that pretty girls like my best friend get all the attention and I’m stuck here hoping for that first date that just isn’t coming. What am I doing wrong?
First of all, looks aren’t everything. While I’m certain that you’re a beautiful woman, there are numerous characteristics that you have to factor in when it comes to winning over guys.
It can be particularly rough for young women who are still in high school and unsure of what type of guy they actually need.
But let me tell you something. If I could go back in time and change anything, it would definitely be the pressure I put myself under over wanting to look like a supermodel.
I was so sure that the whole nice girl thing wouldn’t get me anywhere, so I did everything in my power to be the kind of girl I thought guys want. Boy, was I wrong.
These things come with age but you should know that being good-looking isn’t the key to getting the right guy.
And by focusing on all the wrong things, you’re ruining your chances of finding him.
Trying too hard to be someone you’re not and obsessing over every little thing is off-putting.
But don’t worry, I’m going to help you out so that you never have to wonder what’s wrong with you again.
Below, I reveal 13 things that guys (secretly) can’t stand about girls and how you can swiftly turn things around.
Why Don’t Guys Like Me? These Are The Most Likely Reasons
Because you think you’re not good enough (and it shows)
Here’s the best dating advice you’ll hear today. If you don’t consider yourself good enough, they won’t either.
It all starts with your own perception of yourself.
Guys pick up on things like that. If you’re constantly questioning your every move and apologizing every two minutes, it starts getting exhausting.
No wonder you often ask yourself: Why don’t guys want to date me? It’s because you make yourself appear unappealing.
The sooner you start creating a more positive picture of yourself in your head, the better your love life will get.
You tend to like the IDEA of him, not the guy himself
You fall for the Tinder version, the kind of guy who only exists in movies, so when you see them in real life, you start pulling away. That’s not cool.
How would you feel if a guy ran away the moment he realized that you weren’t this perfect Barbie he had created in his mind? It would feel horrible.
You’ll never find the right guy as long as you hold on to this idea of a perfect guy who doesn’t exist.
Newsflash! Everyone has flaws. You, me, the guy next door, even Brad Pitt is (probably) totally flawed.
But that doesn’t make a person any less worthy. It just makes them human.
You lose interest the minute a guy starts caring for you
This is your M.O. You usually pine for a guy for weeks before making a move.
You start imagining these perfect scenarios in your head of you two together and it feels dreamy.
You secretly hope that he notices you and makes the first move. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t.
But when it does and you actually get your shot, you lose interest.
Suddenly, when he’s no longer the forbidden fruit that you secretly fantasize about, it’s no longer as exciting or dreamy.
But here’s the deal. Life isn’t a fantasy. It’s very much real.
Losing interest the moment you get someone to actually care for you shows insecurity on your part.
Could it be that you’re not actually ready for commitment or are there other underlying factors at play here?
See also: What Is An Exclusive Relationship And 15 Signs You’re In One
You try way too hard to be someone you’re not
Don’t believe all those dating sites, nobody looks that way in real life! We can all take a hot pic and use Photoshop.
But trying so hard to look a certain way (when it couldn’t be further from who you really are) is just sad.
Guys don’t like girls who look and talk like every other single girl they’ve ever dated.
They like a woman who has something to say. A woman who looks the way she looks and doesn’t feel the need to conform to society’s rules.
That’s what’s hot and that’s what gets you dates.
Just ask your guy friends what kind of girls they like and you’ll see what I mean. Substance over beauty any day.
You overanalyze their every move and overthink things
Your body language gives you away every time. The way you can’t calm your hands when you’re suspicious over where he was.
The way your eyes roll when he tells you he was at his buddy’s house.
The way you constantly text him, asking about his whereabouts and making him feel stalked. Just like you don’t like being controlled, neither do guys.
Overanalyzing your man’s every move gets you further and further away from him. It shows a severe lack of trust and insecurity that plagues your relationship.
You care more about looking great than being nice
Looking great doesn’t get you the guy. Sure, it’ll attract him toward you and keep him around for a bit but ultimately, if you’re not kind, respectful and considerate, you can call it quits.
Don’t go around saying things like, “Guys don’t like me and I have no idea why,” if all you put into the relationship is your looks. That’s never going to be enough.
If you want this guy to become your best friend, there has to be a genuine connection between you two.
Superficial relationships wither faster than you can imagine.
The first time you go on a date, you take a pic and post it. You don’t even give it a second thought.
Ever since high school, you’ve loved documenting every part of your life.
But here’s the deal. You can totally post whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t make your date feel awkward.
Can you imagine how he would feel on seeing an unexpected photo of you two on Instagram with hashtags like #couplegoals or #mymanisbetterthanyours before you have even made it official?
If you’re wondering, “Why don’t guys like me?” this is why! Stop skipping steps. It takes time to evolve to this stage and rushing can only do you harm.
Your physical chemistry rocks but it lacks in every other department
I love a guy who can cheer me up and without me having to tell him that I need it. That shows a real connection.
And while I love getting physical (an important aspect for sure), an emotional and mental connection is just as vital.
How can you be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t get how you think?
The physical aspect will only take you so far but for as long as you don’t nurture every other part of a relationship, guys will have a tendency to hit the road.
Contrary to popular belief, getting it on is not all that men want out of a relationship. The more mature he is, the more inclined he’ll be to leave if things aren’t clicking in every way.
Here are my two cents on relationships. Always go for a guy who can make you LOL when you’re feeling down, as opposed to someone who only likes your perky derrière.
Haven’t you learned by now? If you keep yearning for guys who are clearly not good for you, you’ll always get burned.
The whole bad boy shtick doesn’t get you your happily-ever-after.
And I have a feeling like you already know this but somehow, you keep hoping otherwise.
You’re too clingy and don’t have a life outside of the relationship
This is counterproductive to what a long-term relationship is all about.
While it’s comforting and reassuring having someone you want to spend every second with, you both need space of your own.
Your love life will never thrive as long as you keep the guy as the center of your universe. Guys get scared away when they realize you’re being too clingy.
Having no life outside of the relationship makes them afraid of what the future holds.
The longer you’re together, the clingier you’ll become, which could easily turn into possessiveness and that’s the last thing anyone would find attractive.
See also: 4 Ways To Successfully Overcome The Push-Pull Romantic Relationship Dynamic
You’re excessively confident (which translates as arrogant)
Back in high school, no one was ever quite as confident and self-assured as you. And while you took it as a good thing, others didn’t.
See, your high self-esteem can translate as arrogant.
I know that you probably aren’t like that but it’s important to be self-aware. Be confident but don’t act like you’re better than others. It’s an ugly personality trait.
Humility goes a long way. Guys don’t appreciate someone who always acts condescending and like they know better.
Even if you do think that you’re always right, don’t let others know. Stay true to yourself but give credit where credit is due.
You lack purpose and passion in life
Don’t let yourself be a 30-year old woman with no purpose in life other than finding a guy. That’s not cute.
Don’t allow yourself to get to a first date and when the guy inevitably asks you about your hopes and dreams, you just shrug it off. That’s a major red flag.
Sure, not everyone has their life figured out but at least know what you want and work toward it.
If you keep letting things flow, unsure of where your next paycheck is coming from, guys will run for the hills.
They don’t need a girl who’ll depend on them for everything.
Relationships are 50-50. You get as much as you’re ready to give.
You bad-mouth your exes, which makes guys hesitant to approach you
This is one of the major things guys find deeply unattractive. Who’s to say that you won’t talk badly about him if things don’t work out?
Nobody likes being talked about behind their back.
If your reputation precedes you, it’s time to re-evaluate it. What do you really get out of badmouthing an ex?
Does it bring you joy or a sense of closure?
In my experience, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth that won’t go away as long as you cling on to it.
So don’t be surprised if guys aren’t that into you right now.
How could they be? They all fear that one day, you’ll start spreading rumors about them that aren’t necessarily true.
How Can You Turn Things Around & Get Guys To Like You?
Change your mindset = change your life
This is something every young person needs to hear. Your mindset is what controls not only your love life but your entire life.
The way you think is how you allow yourself to act. And if you’re insecure and feel unworthy, that’s what you’re going to project into the world. So stop.
Take a long, hard look in the mirror. What do you see? A strong, capable, beautiful woman who has been through a lot and is still standing.
A woman who knows her worth and doesn’t let anyone affect it.
THAT’s what you need to tell yourself every time you think you’re not good enough.
Remind yourself of every painful memory and heartache you’ve survived and realize what a badass you are.
Like a guy for who he is, not who you WANT him to be
This is another big thing. You need to stop creating false perceptions of guys in your head. Nobody is perfect.
We’ve all got stuff we’re dealing with.
But guess what? That doesn’t make anyone any less worthy or acceptable. Embrace people for who they are.
Accept their tiny quirks and annoying flaws. You have them too and so does everyone around you. If that made people undateable, everyone on earth would be single.
Relationships are based on accepting each other’s flaws and respecting their individuality. Learn it, practice it, live it.
Don’t let yourself pull away the moment it starts getting real
I get it. I used to be scared of commitment too. After having gone through some major relationship PTSD, opening up became a real challenge.
But do you know what I realized? If I keep believing that everyone is going to be like my ex, I’m never going to find love.
So I put myself out there, faced my fears and learned to give guys a chance. Luckily, with time, I did actually find my soulmate.
It doesn’t happen overnight and it’s not easy but the sooner you allow yourself to let people in, the easier it becomes.
Be YOURSELF (everyone else is already taken)
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.” ― Steve Maraboli
Don’t for a second think that someone else is better than you just because they look different (prettier) in your eyes.
Your value isn’t based on how well you can pretend to be what others want you to be. It’s all about being your true, authentic self in a world full of copycats.
Besides, by not conforming to anyone’s norms, you’re going to stand out from the crowd. And what’s cooler than that?
See also: 6 Ways To Be Loyal To Yourself And Why It’s So Important
The moment you start overthinking, STOP and do something productive
Seriously, overthinking is the worst thing for a long-term relationship.
It creates scenarios that aren’t real, breeds distrust and leads to serious issues that aren’t really there.
So the next time you catch yourself overanalyzing a perfectly simple situation, stop.
Count to ten before saying anything you might regret and learn to trust people.
If your man says something, why is your first instinct to think he’s lying? Just because your ex had a habit of being disloyal, it doesn’t give you the right to treat your current man the same.
If he gives you no reason to overthink something, then don’t. It’s going to do wonders for your mind and your relationship.
It’s what’s inside that counts (good looks will only get you so far)
“There is no model, no actress, no Miss America contender that can outshine a happy, confident, secure woman.” ― Mandy Hale
Amen! Being pretty isn’t all that. Having a nice rack isn’t a guarantee for a happy love life.
Having a booty that guys love to stare at won’t get you a deeper connection. Why? Because without a happy, confident, kind personality, you’ll never get what you want in life.
As I’ve already mentioned, guys fall for beauty but they stay for class (with just a hint of sass).
Work on how you treat others and how respectful and understanding you are. Don’t put all your efforts into looking like a Greek goddess. Be good-looking but exude kindness!
Let me give you a priceless piece of dating advice. Leave your phone alone while you’re experiencing those first stages of a relationship.
The world doesn’t need to know who you’re seeing or how things are going. Some things are sacred, don’t you agree?
Out of respect for your date, keep things between yourselves for a while. It’s only going to be more amazing, knowing that he is your little secret that no one knows about.
That way, even if things don’t work out, you’ll avoid having to explain to everyone the ins and outs of your two-week courtship.
Learn to connect on an emotional level
For a relationship to truly work, there needs to be a genuine connection that you can build on.
There needs to be some substance that will allow you to see this person as more than just someone really hot.
The physical aspect of a relationship is so important but if you devote all your efforts into being under the sheets and neglect to connect mentally and emotionally, there’s really nothing there.
If you want a future with this person, make sure you feel comfortable, seen and heard when you’re with them. If all they are is a really good booty call, that’s all they’ll ever be.
Stop going for guys you know you can’t have
We all yearn for what we can’t have; that’s the allure of forbidden fruit.
And the more you’re told that this guy is unavailable, the more you’ll lust after him.
This is something I can understand if you’re still really, really young.
But as you grow into a mature, capable woman, your taste in men should follow it.
If you know that someone is taken, don’t plot a way to his heart. It won’t end well.
Save yourself the heartbreak of falling for unattainable and unavailable men and go for someone you can have a future with.
Find joy in life before finding it with a man
This is what my mom has always told me and I am beyond grateful I listened to her.
As long as you’re unfulfilled and unhappy with your own life, a man can never truly make you feel whole.
You need to find it in yourself first. Find that thing that motivates you to wake up every morning. Search for something that’ll give your life meaning.
Find fulfillment in yourself before you find a man with whom you will share a life.
That is a sure-fire way to create a happy, healthy, lasting bond that won’t end in tears and disappointment.
See also: 15 Things You Should Put On Your Relationship Needs List
Work on your demeanor – you can be both confident and kind
To me, there is nothing more attractive than a beautiful woman with a heart of gold.
Just because you look like a supermodel, it doesn’t mean that you should stop being kind.
You keep wondering: “Why don’t guys like me?” Have you ever considered that this might be the reason?
Do some soul-searching and figure out the kind of person you want to be remembered as.
While we’re at it, I’ll just leave this jaw-dropping quote here, and let you do what you want with it.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
Pursue your dreams and goals to find the fulfillment you seek in men
Don’t ever put your life on hold while on a quest for a guy.
Not only will you resent yourself for the rest of your life but it will also lead to turmoil and unhappiness in your love life.
Maybe guys don’t like you because you put all your focus on them and stop thinking about your life outside of the relationship.
But you can easily put an end to that. Follow your passion. Go after that job you’ve wanted since you were in high school.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do anything. You know your own abilities.
Don’t let anyone limit them and instead, reach for the stars. Happiness lies outside of your comfort zone.
Keep relationship issues private out of respect for your ex
A lot of people I know tend to bad-mouth their ex the moment it’s over. But to me, this is the worst quality in a person.
Unless he truly did you wrong, don’t stoop to that level. Be better than that. Leave the past in the past and move on to better things. It’s much more dignified.
Your break-up may suck but that doesn’t mean that you get to trash-talk the guy the next day just because you’re dissatisfied with your own life.
If things didn’t work out, that’s tough but everything that went wrong can serve as a lesson on what to do better next time.
Good Luck Getting Your Guy!
Hopefully, I’ve managed to answer your question: “Why don’t guys like me?” Here’s what I hope you take away from this article.
You can look like a legit supermodel but if you don’t put any effort into being a kind person, it’ll never work out.
Guys are attracted to pretty girls but it’s the personality that makes them stay!
So stop focusing on the wrong things. Be confident but don’t push them away.
Know what you want in a guy but don’t try to change them into something they’re not. Appreciate your emotional connection just as much as the physical one.
Relationships are tough work. You’re not always going to like this person, no matter how hot they are.
So it’s important for there to be a genuine bond, so as to have something to hold on to when things get hard.
Now, read all of this again if you have to and go get that man I know you’re pining for.
Be your true, authentic self and let things evolve at their natural pace.
See also: How To Attract A Guy: 19 Bulletproof Ways To Get His Attention