Imagine that we could freeze the moment of passion and turn it into something visible, something that will be a reminder of our love, desire, and pure lust for another human being.
Something to remind us of a night filled with passionate kisses and raw emotions. Something like a hickey !
What Is A Hickey?
A hickey, aka love bite , kiss mark , or love mark is basically a bruise caused by one partner sucking the other partner’s skin (usually around the partner’s neck or collarbone ).
It works on the principle of broken blood vessels . When small blood vessels burst under the pressure of sucking, the sucked area of the skin turns into a light pink to dark purple mark – a hickey !
If you’ve never done this before, you’re probably wondering why would someone in their right mind want to be bruised by their loved one .
Well, the reason(s) why so many people practice giving hickies (and I’m not talking only about high school or college crew) are more than legit (if you ask me, of course). So, let’s see…
Why Do Lovers Give A Hickey?
“Marking your territory”
Have you ever been in a situation where you were really crazy in love with someone or where you really liked someone to the extent of wanting to scream from the highest skyscraper your declaration of love?
I bet you have (and I suppose you haven’t done that skyscraper thing because it’s not really safe).
Well, that’s exactly a person who decides to give a love bite feels. They’re basically marking their territory and telling other people that their loved one belongs to them and them only.
Even though “marking your territory” sounds a little bit possessive, it’s actually the ultimate sign of love toward another human being.
The reddish, purplish , or brownish mark on their partner’s body sends the message that the person is taken – that the person belongs to someone who’s madly, crazy in love with them!
Deep love, pride, and trust
Giving a hickey doesn’t only mean marking one’s territory. It’s also about expressing your deep love, pride, and trust.
Giving a hickey to someone means subtly telling them how much you adore them in that moment without saying a word.
It means telling someone how proud you are to be with them and that you trust them with all of your body and heart.
And receiving hickeys feels exactly like that. The sweet pain of your loved one sucking one area of your skin with passion is priceless.
Also, it has the power of igniting passion during lovemaking and turning it into a once in a lifetime experience.
The heat of the moment
Do you know that feeling when you’re feeling extra wild when fuelled with intense passion during foreplay or a make-out session ?
And especially the feeling when your two bodies are intertwined, hearts racing, blood rapidly flowing, and breaths deepening?
It’s called the heat of the moment . It’s called feeling so excited to the extent of not being able to control your next move because you want it all and you want it now.
You want to savor the taste of gentle kisses and nibbles .
You want to freeze the moment of passion by passionately sucking a special area of your lover’s skin and giving them a sexual mark .
Strong desire for the other person
Hickeys are love marks filled with strong desire for the other person.
The person who gives a hickey is telling their loved one that they’re in love with every inch of their body, mind, and soul.
A hickey denotes a strong sexual, intimate, and emotional desire for another human being.
It represents an animalistic desire to devour your “meal” and to revel in it. (Perhaps the comparison is a little bit weird, but you get the point.)
It represents a raw desire that’s filled with strong connection between two human beings.
Where To Give A Hickey?
The most popular part of the body for giving hickeys is on the neck. Why? Well, for two reasons…
The first one is the lover’s intentional marking of their territory, as the neck is one of the most visible parts of our bodies.
The second reason is the neck’s sensitivity, which results in the ultimate pleasure for the one receiving it.
Also, love marks have the power to appear more quickly on the sensitive areas of our body like neck, nose, lips, cheeks, upper and inner thighs , belly, etc.
Basically, any part of the body can be used for a hickey except body areas consisting of bone only, like fingers or elbows.
But, the best choice is to always ask your partner where they would want their love mark because you don’t want to fuck things up by biting them in the heat of the moment somewhere they don’t really prefer.
If that turns out to be the case, though, there are some tips and tricks on how to get rid of a hickey or cover that dark mark from the rest of the world, which you can find down below right after the section How to give a hickey .
Are Hickeys Harmful?
No one wants to do something and then regret it, and that’s why it’s always desirable to inform yourself of any possible side effects of certain actions, right?
Well, when it comes to hickeys , there are really no serious side effects caused by a love bite except that it will leave a light or dark mark on your skin usually for a couple of days.
If that’s something you can live with, then there’s nothing to worry about. But, like I said, we will talk later about the ways in which you can cover up or hide that love mark from other people’s eyes.
However, there’s one thing you should consider and that is potential death caused by a hickey – which is really, really rare.
If you’re wondering how in the world someone could die from a little bit of skin sucking, then read this carefully:
The only way a hickey can cause death is if the pressure is applied over the carotid arteries, which can cause injury to the blood vessel .
As a consequence, this will create a smaller clot that could clog an artery and cause a stroke.
Yup. You can actually get or give someone a stroke from a hickey , so beware!
How Long Does A Hickey Last?
No, a love mark is not permanent (unless it’s a hickey tattoo). It usually lasts 2-3 days, though some people need more time (like a week) to “heal” from this love bite .
It all depends on the individual, their type of their skin, and the intensity of the love bite .
Also, the darker the love mark, the more time it will need to disappear completely.
If your partner sucks your skin for more than 20-30 seconds, the love mark will become darker, but if they do it for just a few seconds (less than 20) then the mark will be of a lighter shade.
So, pay attention to whether your love bite is light pink or dark purple and you will easily estimate how much time until your hickey disappears fully.
The (Potential) Cons Of A Hickey
As you can see, I put the word “potential” in parenthesis for a reason.
The reason is that not every one of us (especially women like myself) will agree with the following cons of a hickey , so it’s up to you to decide whether there are any cons at all or if it’s all just a pile of bullshit or myths:
“A hickey is seen as a high school or college-based sexual activity“
Many people connect hickeys with high school or college romances’ sexual activity because it reminds them of something immature, wild, and untamed.
Like when you’re in the process of discovering your sexuality, trying new things, and sucking other people’s bodies just because you can.
If you’re in high school or college, then you won’t have issues with this one.
But, if you’re an adult man or woman, then you might ask yourself a few questions and think more about this before deciding to go for a hickey .
In my opinion, a hickey is so much more than just an immature gesture of lust or teenage love. It encompasses passion, love, desire, trust, and other things linked with maturity and a healthy love life.
As always, it’s up to you to decide with which hypothesis you agree more.
“A hickey is a sexual mark that is inappropriate in professional or family environments”
Some people find hickeys totally undesirable in professional or family environments because they represent a sexual mark that stems from sexual activity.
Let’s say that you work for a respectable company and you’re just talking to a client.
Your client is staring at your neck where your big, dark mark from a hickey is located and thus unable to concentrate on what you’re talking about.
They immediately start fantasizing about that wild night of yours and whether you’re a beast in bed (and they might even start fantasizing about giving you a love bite themselves).
But, do they really have to go that far with this imagination part?
Of course not. A hickey is just a bruise that’s telling the world: Yes, I’m having sex and I enjoy it a lot or Yes, my partner is totally crazy about me.
So, I personally don’t really see the need to make it look like something utterly inappropriate.
Another potential awkward situation might happen when you’re about to meet your partner’s parents while proudly wearing that light pink or dark purple hickey on your neck.
But, hey, I don’t think your parents would have anything against it as long as you’re using protection (in case you’re still not working on becoming a parent) and as long as you’re having fun and enjoying love charms.
Again, it’s up to you to decide whether these cons of a hickey are really cons or something not worthy of your time and attention.
Now that we’re done with this ” hickey facts” introduction part, we can move to the real thing – learning how to give a hickey ! (Yay, finally!)
HOW TO GIVE A HICKEY
In case you’ve never done it before, you should definitely read the following carefully so that you don’t miss all the essential info needed to turn you into a hickey master.
In case you’ve done it before, you should still read on because there might be some things, tips, and tricks that you weren’t aware of so far.
You don’t want to ruin your special hickey moment by doing something wrong, or sucking your partner’s skin for too long so that they resort to screaming and declaring “mission abort.”
You want to do it perfectly (or at least partially perfect) so that you both get the best of it.
And this is how you do it:
Ask your partner for permission first
Before doing anything, it’s advisable that you ask your partner first whether they’re okay with receiving a hickey, because some people fear that they’ll have to spend the rest of their lives wearing a turtleneck or covering a hickey with their long hair .
You don’t want to leave hickey on the wrong place so that they have to worry about being criticised at their work and similar (in case a hickey is really hard to cover or hide).
That’s why you want to ask your partner for their permission first.
You want to find out whether they want a hickey at all and whether they want it on a place of skin that is super visible, totally random, or somewhere hidden.
Build up the sexual tension
The worst you could do with a hickey is rush it.
I’m sure many people have made this mistake before (like myself) and they unintentionally ruined the moment and had to deal with embarrassing consequences like abruptly ending sexual intercourse or not even getting to it.
If you want to learn how to give someone a hickey (like a hickey master), you need to first learn to build up the sexual tension.
Because when it comes to lovemaking , sexual tension is literally the holy grail.
Building up the sexual tension is like starting a fire that will be the basis of your future moves – the basis of the perfect hickey .
You will build sexual tension by gently kissing every inch of your partner’s body (especially the part where you want to place a hickey ), slowly moving fingers across their entire body, touching them more intensely, touching their hair, face, and then repeating it all over again until you successfully build up the sexual tension – until it becomes hard to breathe.
Choose your location wisely
As already said above, for a hickey you should choose the sensitive areas on the body, like neck, nose, lips, cheeks, upper and inner thighs , belly, etc.
All except those body areas consisting of bone only like fingers, elbow or similar.
If your partner is not really comfortable with having a visible hickey, but it’s okay with having one, then you should choose inner thighs (of course, if it’s not summer outside and they’re not wearing extra short shorts).
Perhaps the best idea is to ask your partner where they want it, so that you don’t have to worry about it or overthink too much. You know what they say… Overthinking ruins sexual tension.
They don’t actually say it, but driven by my personal experiences, it’s true for me.
Part your lips slightly and press them on the skin
While parting your lips slightly, form your mouth into an O-shape and press your lips firmly onto your partner’s skin so that air cannot escape.
Think of it like seal bags. You want to close them perfectly so that there’s no air inside and you preserve what you’re keeping in it.
In this case, you want to preserve what you’re creating and that is a hickey .
While doing this, it’s important that you try to keep your mouth soft and appealing (instead of going into a hard pucker ).
Suck the skin for a few seconds
Remember that if you suck their skin for too long and too hard, you might cause your partner too much pain (unwillingly).
You want to suck just hard enough and long enough for a hickey to emerge which is approximately 20-30 seconds.
Also, stay away from using your teeth while trying to give a hickey to your partner.
You don’t want to simultaneously bite them and suck like a wild animal because that could also cause injury.
You can also break up the sucking part into sections if this will make it easier for you to perform.
For example, start with 10 seconds of sucking, then switch to 10 seconds of kissing gently, switch again to sucking and so on.
When you’re about to finish off with it, make sure to swallow back any excess saliva.
You certainly don’t want to leave slobber all over your partner’s neck , right?
6. Make a smooth transition
Once you’re done with the sucking part, you don’t want to just shift to another activity all of a sudden.
You want to first make a smooth transition because lovemaking or cuddling is all about transitions.
If you switch too fast, you’ll risk your partner losing their mood. It’s always safer to go for the slower method.
So, after sucking your partner’s skin , you can make a smooth transition by gently kissing the sucked area which is now extra sensitive meaning the pleasure will be ultimate.
And then you can continue at your own usual pace or whatever it is that you wish to do next.
Wait for the hickey to form
Another mistake that many people are guilty of is thinking that they’ve failed at giving their partner’s a hickey just because it hasn’t appeared the same second.
A hickey usually shows up after 5 or 10 minutes and that’s why you won’t be able to see it immediately.
And that’s why you need to wait before deciding to repeat the process.
Repeat if you want it darker
If both you and your partner are not satisfied with the intensity of the hickey color or size – meaning you want it to be bigger or darker – then just repeat the whole process again on the same spot or somewhere else.
But, remember to wait 5-10 minutes first (as said above) so that you don’t end up with a huge, disproportionate bruise that looks nothing like the real deal.
How To Get Rid Of A Hickey
If you or your partner don’t feel that comfortable with other people seeing your love bite for some reason, there are various methods on how to get rid of a hickey (or hide it).
First, we’ll cover all the tips and tricks that will help you get rid of this passionate love bite :
The cold method
Apparently, this is the most useful technique when it comes to getting rid of hickeys.
This method works on the principle of cooling ruptured blood vessels, which can reduce blood flow.
All you need to do is wrap ice or something frozen in a paper towel or cloth and apply it on the hickey as soon as possible.
The hot method
If you’re not really a cold type of person, you can use the alternative – the hot method.
This method increases the blood flow by heating up the hickey area, which helps the accumulated blood absorb faster.
But, in order for this method to be efficient, it should be applied no sooner than 48 hours after receiving a love bite .
You can use a hot water bottle or similar. As long as it’s hot, it will do the job.
Another alternative that includes breaking up and increasing blood flow is applying pressure on the hickey by using a pen cap, toothbrush , or comb.
But, make sure not to overdo it by applying too much pressure because you don’t want to make things even worse than they were.
Other hickey remedies include peppermint lotion, gentle massaging of the hickey and surrounding area, and products that contain aspirin, vitamin E (Aloe vera), vitamin K, and so on.
Also, keep in mind that these things will not make your hickey vanish into thin air the second you apply them.
Getting rid of a hickey takes time, but these remedies will definitely speed up the whole process.
And in the meantime, you can hide it in the following ways:
How To Hide A Hickey
Hiding a hickey shouldn’t be that hard (especially if you’re a creative person by nature).
To successfully hide a hickey , you can simply wear a turtleneck or scarf (but first make sure that it’s not summer outside), you can cover it with long hair , Band-Aids, hoodies, or bulky necklaces.
You can also use a concealer , powder, foundation, and other makeup arsenal (if you’re a woman and even if you’re a man, you should give it a try).
Whatever you choose, just make sure not to worry about it too much because a hickey is definitely not something you should stress about.
It’s the ultimate sign of love, lust, and passion.
A hickey is the mark of love imprinted on your body, so make sure to enjoy it and embrace it as much as you can!