Have you and your spouse grown apart? Do you feel like you’ve become total strangers? Then you should immediately look for ways to save your marriage.
Sometimes it might feel impossible and divorce might seem like the only way out. Before you make any decision, though, you have to think it through.
Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper, it is a serious commitment. You have to fight and try hard to save the marriage because it matters.
Your significant other matters and the vows you made to each other matter.
Remember, for better or for worse… till death do you part? Well, those “worst” times are now and you have to stick together.
Fight and make it through those tough periods together.
Trust me, every healthy marriage faces peaks and troughs, but what’s important is to stick through everything TOGETHER. That’s the only way you’ll solve your marital problems.
As relationship expert, Dr. John Gottman says, “The “honeymoon” phase in any committed relationship is not meant to last—eventually it becomes obvious that sharing a life with another person requires a special set of skills.”
Marriage isn’t a relationship and you can’t break up with your partner every time you have a disagreement or you don’t like something.
Marriage is built on the promise that it will last “until death do you part”.
If you think that your marriage is doomed, or you are on the brink of divorce, continue reading below for some simple ways to help you save your marriage.
1. The sooner you seek help from a marriage counselor the better
As soon as you realize that you’re having marital problems, you should seek professional help. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to save your marriage and get it back on track.
Marriage counseling is going to help you to identify specific issues you’re facing in your relationship.
Then, a marriage counselor is going to find the most effective way for you to deal with those problems and save the marriage.
After only a few sessions, I guarantee you’ll see some positive changes. It’s going to help you both learn more about you and your relationship.
Marriage counselors will let both partners tell their side of the story.
Then they will teach you that communication is everything in a relationship, and that effective communication is the key to overcoming and resolving conflict in a marriage.
You’ll learn how to support your partner in everything that is important to them. You’ll learn that your partner should be the only person you can lean on.
Couples counseling is a big step for many couples, and most consider the therapy expensive and complex. But please, think about it. It is the most effective way to save your marriage.
Before you give your relationship this check-up, you have to be sure that both you and your partner are comfortable with the couples counseling therapy.
2. Remember why you fell in love in the first place
Go back to the past. Remember when you saw your significant other for the first time. Remember those butterflies you felt in your stomach.
Remember the first time they said, “I love you”. Go back in time to when you were happy. So happy and so crazy in love.
Think about all the things you love about your partner. Think about how you accepted and embraced their flaws and imperfections and never even thought about changing them.
All those feelings are still there. You still love your partner like you did on that first day. Put down your defensiveness and you’ll see it. I’m sure your partner also has the same feelings for you.
You need to understand that this is just a phase in your marriage. A phase that all married couples have to face. You just need to find a way to deal with it and make your marriage work again.
You will be happy again. This will just strengthen your connection and prove how strong and deep your love is. Don’t let these hard times ruin your marriage.
3. Make your relationship a priority
Your relationship should always be a priority but now, it’s essential it becomes a priority for both of you. You have to work on your marriage every single day.
No matter how busy your schedule is, you always have to make time for your significant other. They are more important than your job, your friends, and everything else in your life.
Give your spouse the attention they deserve. Remember, they aren’t your friend nor your roommate, they are your lover and partner.
Make them feel cherished and loved. Your partner should never doubt your feelings for them. If they do, it means that you aren’t trying hard enough to show them how much you love them.
You have to put in effort to make your marriage work and to make it last a lifetime. You have to keep your vows and all the promises you made your partner on your wedding day.
If you don’t make saving your marriage a priority, you’ll lose something precious. You’ll lose the most valuable relationship in your life.
If you don’t fight for your partner, you’ll eventually lose them. You won’t feel complete without them. You’ll lose one part of yourself because they were your other part.
4. Write down specific issues that are causing conflicts
If there are some specific issues that are causing disagreements and conflicts in your relationship, you have to write them down.
Your partner should do the same. After you’ve done this, you need to exchange your papers. Then, talk about all those things.
Your partner should know about all the things that are bothering you. Then you should offer some solutions for how you would like to solve those problems.
Trust me, being honest and direct about things that bother you is one of the easiest ways to solve your marital problems.
Also, you have to accept that some things can’t be fixed, no matter how much you try. The past can’t be changed and you need to let it go. Learn how to forgive and forget.
5. Detox all your negative emotions
Once you’ve had the talk with your partner and said all things that were bothering you, it’s time for an emotional detox.
When someone hurts us, the easiest thing to do is to ignore it and suppress your emotions. The problem is that you won’t make your emotions go away if you ignore them.
Suppressing emotions for a long time can have consequences on your mental health. It can make you feel sad, depressed, or even frustrated and bitter.
You have to take control of your emotions again. You shouldn’t let them control you.
Don’t say something in the heat of the moment because you know you’ll regret it later. And then it might be too late for forgiveness.
By removing all those negative feelings, you can create space for some new and better ones. After you release all those awful feelings, you’ll be more relaxed and you’ll be able to achieve inner peace.
6. Rekindle the spark in your relationship
You know why the spark never fades away in a healthy relationship? Because both partners make the effort to keep it that way.
It’s really all up to you and your significant other. You have to be willing to work on your relationship and bring the spark back. There are so many simple ways you can do this.
Regain lost intimacy. It’s one of the most important parts of every relationship. It reflects the level of trust and connection between you and your spouse.
Plan the most romantic date night ever. Go away for a weekend. Plan a trip or a vacation. Surprise your loved one and organize it all without their knowledge.
Go for a romantic sunset walk on the beach. Pack a picnic and bring a blanket. There is nothing more romantic than lying together under the stars.
Flirt like you’ve just met. Compliment your partner whenever you get the chance, but be careful, you have to mean it.
Get out of your comfort zone and do something you’ve never tried before. Get your adrenaline pumping. Try bungee jumping together or another similar activity.
7. Name-calling is a deal breaker
Name-calling is verbal abuse and it is the first red flag of an unhealthy and abusive relationship. It’s not how you’ll resolve your conflicts.
No matter how angry you get at your partner, you should always try to avoid name-calling.
Both you and your partner should set some boundaries on what’s acceptable behavior and how should you treat one another.
You mustn’t cross your partner’s boundaries even when you’re fighting and you get angry.
I know that we never mean some of the awful things we say while fighting, but still they can hurt our loved one.
You know that you’ll regret it later for sure and apologize to your partner, but maybe by then it’ll be too late to apologize.
If you do it often, you’ll ruin your partner’s self-esteem. You’ll make them feel like they aren’t worthy of you. One day, your partner may forgive you for those insults, but they’ll never be able to forget it.
If you’ve already made this mistake, you have to stop name-calling right away because verbal abuse – like any other abuse – gets worse with time.
8. Accept the past
If your partner did something bad to you in the past and you decided to forgive him, then you need to forget it and let it stay in the past.
Why talk about it all the time when you can’t change it? You can do nothing about it. You can only believe your partner will change and that they won’t repeat their mistake ever again.
I know that it’s not easy, but you have to accept your past in order to move on properly.
Give yourself some space if you need it. Be alone with your thoughts and think about everything that has happened in your marriage.
That’s why expressing your emotions is important, once again. If you don’t let your emotions out, you’ll stay stuck in the past.
The only thing you should think about and be focused on is your future because that’s where you’re going. Don’t look back. Don’t bother with things that have passed.
9. Shift your focus back onto yourself
It’s human nature to blame the other person for failures and mistakes. Well, you can’t blame your partner for all the bad things that happened in your relationship. It’s not all your partner’s fault.
Don’t focus only on their mistakes because you made mistakes also. Think about that. Think about your mistakes and how much they contributed to ruining your marriage.
Don’t say that they’ll have to fix their mistakes to make your marriage work again. Remember, a marriage is all about teamwork.
You have to work on your mistakes together. You have to function as one. If you are doing something to your partner that you know would hurt you if someone did the same to you, then why are you doing it?
You bear the same guilt for the situation you’re currently in. You’re both guilty for ALMOST ruining your marriage.
10. Improve yourself and become a better spouse
You constantly have to work on yourself and try to be a better spouse. Don’t be too stubborn and let your pride be more important to you than your partner.
Learn to admit when you’re wrong. Always apologize for your mistakes and take responsibility for them.
Think about all the things that your partner does for you every day. You have to show that you see them and that you’re grateful for everything.
The little things are always the most important. Run them a bath when they come home from work. Prepare their favorite dish. Give them a massage.
Ask them how their day went. Say thank you whenever they do something nice for you. Show that you appreciate them.
You can’t start working on your relationship until you start working on yourself. You have to change the things about yourself that were obviously damaging your relationship.
Don’t give up
As we already said, this is just a phase and it’s going to pass. You have to be patient and willing to work to make things right.
So, how do you save a marriage? By not giving up. There are a million ways to try to save it, and quitting is the last one.
I’m not going to lie and say it’s going to be easy. Marriage is hard work. But if you ask me if it is worth it, my answer will always be the same. Marriage is sacred and YES, it’s worth fighting for.
However, before you do anything, you have to give both you and your partner some space. You have to think about your marriage and your own feelings.
The only time a marriage is not worth saving is if you and your significant other have stopped loving each other. Then truly, nothing is worth it.