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I Had To Give Up On You And Start Over By Myself

I Had To Give Up On You And Start Over By Myself

I really tried to make it work but then I realized that relationships are made of two; two people who work on the same goals and care for each other’s needs. In this case, I was the only one who cared enough.

You made me think I was doing something wrong the whole time. You made me feel like I lack something that will magically make you happier. I thought the problem was me.

I was so hard on myself and tried to be better, to be prettier, to be more accommodating… All that for nothing because at the end of the day, you only cared about yourself.

At one point, I realized that the way we interacted with each other wasn’t healthy. The way you treated me wasn’t what I deserved.

You almost never showed any effort unless you got scared that you’d lose me and the only reason you were afraid of losing me was because you knew you’d lose all the care and comfort I kept on giving you throughout the years we spent together. 

I got tired of feeling inadequate, feeling like there was always something better and more convenient than me. I lost all my self-confidence in the process of trying to make us work.

It’s safe to say it wasn’t worth it.

woman in plaid shirt sitting on rock during daytime

You made me doubt myself and you were supposed to be the last person to do such a thing. You made me feel bad about my choices and never gave me support where I needed it.

I got tired of holding myself back because you discredited everything I said and made it about you. I didn’t want to live in fear of what my significant other would say if I voiced my opinion.

I got tired of being sad because you showed no genuine interest in anything that interested me. I didn’t want to beg for your love because that’s not real love.

Real love offers itself without being asked. Real love recognizes when someone’s in need.

I hoped that you would change, that something would magically click but I was being highly unrealistic.

People like you don’t want to change.

They just want to find someone who will make them feel good about themselves so they don’t have to put in the work, someone who will nod their head to everything they say and never challenge them because that’s the easier way.

You were supposed to be my safe place but you ended up being a burden and this is the first time I have said this without feeling guilty.

I had to give up on you to get back to myself again.

woman with black hat standing outdoor

I had to get to know myself without you again and I did.

It wasn’t an easy process but I decided to put a full stop to everything that was keeping me away from being happy and that included you.

I finally decided to listen to my gut and leave you behind. It was the best thing I have done for myself.

I finally felt free. At first, I was confused and felt lost but as soon as I let myself enjoy life without thinking of you, I started feeling happier and more content with my life.

I finally felt like me. I started my life over by myself and I proved to myself that I am enough.

I didn’t need you to tell me that because I felt it deep down in my heart; I felt I was enough just as I am, without you, without anyone else but me.

At that moment, all my worries about starting my life over were gone. I knew I was doing the right thing and I continue to do so to this day.

I am so grateful I had the strength to listen to that little voice in myself that told me I deserve more and pushed me to do what I did.

I am so grateful that despite everything, I recognized the power I have in myself.