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Inside Of The Mind Of The Girl Broken By A Narcissist

Inside Of The Mind Of The Girl Broken By A Narcissist

The problem with falling in love with a narcissist is that you never know he’s a narcissist until it’s too late. Until you’re already broken.

Another problem with falling in love is the fact that you can’t stop yourself from it. Once that avalanche is launched, you can only sit tight until it stops on its own.

Even if the girl who got broken by a narcissist wanted to stop herself—she couldn’t.

Because narcissists are so good at disguise she had no idea what she was getting herself into.

If she did, even though she wasn’t able to stop herself from falling for him, she could at least have stopped herself from giving him a chance.

She would’ve stopped herself from giving him a chance and welcoming him into her life.

But, unfortunately, she had no idea she was getting herself into the game with a player she couldn’t outplay.

She was the victim of this game she unconsciously started to play with a narcissist. And now, long after it finished, she still lives the consequences of him.

Inside her mind is a mess. It’s worse than in the haunted house because she never knows which horrible memory will come to the surface to haunt her.

She sees her tormentor everywhere. She isn’t paranoid, but this is the part you can’t wrap your mind around if you have never been hurt by a narcissist.

Everywhere she looks, there is something reminding her of him. Every time someone new approaches her, she looks for traits of her tormentor in that person.

And she runs away. She has no strength to stay and prove herself wrong. She’d rather guard her heart.

She is scared to trust anyone. She’d rather not give anyone the benefit of the doubt. That’s something that almost killed her last time.

If she had been careful to whom she gave her trust before, she wouldn’t feel the way she feels now.

She just can’t make herself trust anyone.

Because every time someone gets too close, every time someone gets only one step away from her heart, it starts beating really fast, her hands start shaking at the thought of welcoming someone new in her life and she pulls back.

She is scared to love again. Maybe she saw love as something mesmerizing and maybe once upon a time to love and to be loved was her ultimate goal in life.

But not anymore. Because now, love is a feeling associated with pain in her mind.

When she loved the last time, she didn’t get love in return, she only got insults, constant bringing downs and plenty of emotional beatings.

She forgot how real love feels. The man whom she loved should’ve shown her what love feels like, but he chose to turn into a narcissist and break her instead.

She thinks she isn’t good enough.

When you don’t get the love you deserve, when you don’t get the time or appreciation of the one person you need it from the most, this idea that you aren’t good enough gets seeded in your head pretty deep.

Not only this, but she was constantly told how she isn’t good enough, how it’s all her fault and how everything bad that happened to her – she asked for it.

She had it coming. So she simply can’t shake this feeling she isn’t good enough.

She feels empty. She has no idea what to do next. She has no idea what she feels.

The only feeling familiar to her is fear. She is scared of feeling anything so she chose to feel nothing instead. It’s much easier and even though it might be lonely, it’s much safer.

She craves solitude. She doesn’t want to explain herself to others. She doesn’t want to retell or recall of all the bad things that happened to her because no one can wrap their mind around it anyway.

They blame her for staying and not leaving. They can’t understand why she feels the way she feels for this long and how she can’t just snap out of it. So she isolates herself.

But even though loneliness is the only escape she has from people, it’s also very scary.

Because when she stays alone all the things that happened to her come at her in waves. And she can’t decide which of these two evils is the lesser evil.

She thinks she lost her old self. She gave up on trying to be the way she used to be, you know, before she welcomed a narcissist in her world.

She thinks she’ll never smile again, she’ll never be able to truly be happy and that this, what happened to her, will be something that will follow her till the rest of her life.

But nothing of this needs to stay like this. She doesn’t need to think badly of herself.

She doesn’t need to say goodbye to her life or the way she used to be. She needs someone who’ll remind her how living the fullest feels.

She isn’t a lost cause. None of us broken by narcissist are.

She needs someone who’ll show her that she didn’t lose herself.

She needs someone who’ll show her that her tormentor didn’t get the best of her. That even though she might be broken, she isn’t bent.

She needs someone to show her she still has a heart and a soul inside. That she can feel. That love is still in her. That she isn’t a lost cause.

She needs someone who’ll be good to her, who’ll show her that even though she had a dark past, she can still have a bright future.

She needs someone who’ll be everything that her narcissist wasn’t. She needs someone who’ll treat her as a priority. Someone who won’t make her feel like the crazy one.

She needs someone who’ll understand her. Someone who’ll be there when she needs him. She needs someone who’ll care for her and love her for a change.

She needs someone who’ll erase her past. Even if this seems impossible, she needs someone who’ll try.

Someone who’ll love her as if she was never broken, who’ll look at her as if she has no flaws, who’ll choose to love her despite all her imperfections and whose love and support will be so strong that it will make her defy her fear of letting anyone get close to her again.

So, chose to love her the right way. Don’t be another downfall for her. Put your actions where your mouth are.

Every girl deserves to be loved the right way. Especially the one broken by a narcissist.



  1. Aman sidhu says:

    I’m so astonished that you are writing exactly how it goes to live with narcisst. In my case the trauma didn’t end with the relationship. It came as a bonus for loving such person. He went everywhere telling lies about me and spreading rumours. I lost my father and I don’t know where I am at this point of life

  2. Penny says:

    I have been struggling trying to put into words the emotonial rollercoaster my life has become since finally seeing my husband of 24 years for the narcissist that he is. I experienced the “paranoia” feeling last night and was terrified to be alone. I kept expecting someone to materialize and finish off what little is left of me.

    I keep telling myself I’m stronger than he is; even at my age I can still have a future, live a life as normal as those around me. I still feel there is something about me that repels people; the only time anyone wants anything to do with me is if there’s something I can do for them. It’s a horrible, empty, lonely feeling that overwhelms me. I have not felt like an intelligent, attractive woman worth anything in so long, I am convinced I never was. That woman was a figment of my imagination; someone I wanted to be, but never was. My sole purpose in life is to do for everyone and anyone and be happy i was allowed to do so. I am a mute robot with no wants, needs, or desires. Unless I’m needed to make someone’s life easier, I’m I visible. So i have totally isolated myself, my only companion I don’t fear is my ever loving Morkie, Tedi. Even that relationship carries a black cloud as I’m terrified of losing him. The last companion I had, Charlie, a Morkie, got hit by a car in my driveway on November 6, 2016, less than 2 weeks before I left my life of 30 years. Everyday is a struggle, but not so much as it was when sharing a home with him.

  3. Sharon says:

    I was with my narc for four years, in 42 years I never experienced anything like this even went to jail for the first time ever because of breaking a no contact order and the DA office was tired of our constint back and forth… I still to this day am obsessed with trying to figure it all out… I loved this man, thought I could truly fix his broken self…. If I loved him a little more cared for him a little more cater to him more he would finally love me the way I loved him…. I made excuses all the time for him my son stopped talking to me for almost 6 months because I kept going back, my other son and his wife moved out because she was creeped out by him several young girls would tell me he was the creepy old guy… But he convinced me they were jealous because someone else now has my attention besides them…. I look back now and thier were so many signs RED FLAGS daily since the very first day but I was smittened with him addicted to him…. I worked two jobs supporting him my instincts told me he was cheating or on all those websites he use to go on when he was single he told me about, because when he moved in with me after six months I thought hell yah move in sex was amazing and we were together 4 to 5 nights a week anyways so living together that means more wonderful amazing sex…. WRONG it stopped the day he moved in…. He always teased me about wanting it to much, I kissed him to much, loved him to much. sometimes as I’m giving him my all trying to arouse him he’d laugh at me tell me I was addicted to sex and needed help… I lost 50 pounds wore lingerie for the first time ever for him and my hair long and freshly died blonde because he always told me that’s what he was really attracted to blondes skinny women so I did to please him, he looks at me and says do u know what I think about when I lay thier mastebating next to u( because he never could climax on his own… Only by masterbating after we had sex out of 10000 times of sex maybe only a handful of times could he… That’s another story) me all excited thinking he will finally compliment me say something sweet and sexy… He looks at me and says he thinks of TAMMY another women he has talked about for years who is tall and blonde and reminded me all the time she is the perfect women…. I was crushed broken my world died again….I flipped out I was literally going insane but yet for what ever reason I still stayed… He beat me but when it got really bad and I feared for my life that night I called the cops he went to jail… I went through his phone and found hundreds of emails to Craigslist hookups dating back a year from when we had started to see each other to just two nights before when I was at work and he’d text me hurry up and come home minutes later emailing someone else exchanging naked pictures between them…. He even tried to denie it, even though I had proof in his own phone lol yet he cried and begged me to forgive him he was sorry never do it again that he is glad he got caught cause if he hadn’t he’d still be doing it …. I was ready to leave but then HE SAID THE MAGIC WORDS FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER…….. I LOVE YOU so I stayed with him he agreed to counciling and we went worst thing ever everything was used against me from the one time going…. I see now he only gave me things I wanted when I try to leave his first times for big things were after beating me so bad he’d go to jail or do them so I would call the cops after bad things I was asked to be his girlfriend, then after one I was told he loved me then another he wanted kids and a family with me twice he purposed but I declined because we were fighting and who wants that like that… He never asked or brought it up when things were good between us …. 2 years ago I started giving back his medicine or calling him out, that’s when I became crazy bipolar short bus stupid I need help I need to see a shrink…… We haven’t spoken in almost 2 mths and have court one last time April 13 2018…. He even broke a no contact order by emailing me and the court did nothing he is trying to scare me into dropping the charges by having my brother tell me he is going to have me locked up and his lawyer is the best I will be the one going to prison but I’m not backing down not this time….. If it weren’t for Google and learning all I now know on narcissism I’d probably be more crazier the I am right now… I still can’t wrap my head around it all thier is so much more it’s just crazy…. Red flag number one should have been his whole family disowned him even his sisters and Mom warned me but he convinced me he was right they we’re wrong…. Ughhh how could me a strong independent women who has a wonderful life amazing family the cutest grandson be so stupid and dupped

  4. Martine says:

    I would like a black list, where victims can leave their suspicion of their ex being a narcissist. It is possible to hand a person in, because of the psychological abuse they have comitted. At least it is, where I live.

  5. Iram says:

    Thank you for writing this, sometimes i struggle to explain my thoughts and feelings around this subject and i feel this captures them well.

  6. Leah Elizabeth ( Jones ) Birth name. says:

    This a great article. Yes true. Thank you.

  7. Marcy says:

    Excellent post. Your post talks for many of us. Thank you. <3