Tutto ciò che resta del nostro amore è una brutta cicatrice sul mio cuore

It couldn’t end any other way, could it? When you feel something so powerful, when all your love and passion end up in the wrong hands, it crushes you so badly, it almost kills you.

Tutto è iniziato così in fretta. Dal giorno in cui ti ho incontrato, ho sentito come se ci fosse un legame immediato. Era come se sapessi che saresti stata una persona importante per me, come se avessi aspettato quel momento per tutta la vita.

When we talked for the first time, I was playing it cool. I don’t know If I pulled it off or not because my cheeks were blushing, my heart was pounding and I was afraid you would hear it. I felt like a teenage girl who had just met her crush. I wasn’t one to fall in love so easily but I guess I fell for you right there and then.

You fell for me too. At least that’s what you said. After a while, we started to date. We entered into a relationship so fast, and it was unlike me, as I am an sovrapensiero quindi mi piace pensare a lungo prima di decidere qualcosa di importante. Ma mi è sembrato così naturale stare con te che ho abbassato la guardia.

Tutto sembrava così incredibile. Potevamo parlare per ore di tutto e di più. Avevamo gusti simili in fatto di musica, film e cibo, quindi era facile uscire con te. Renderemmo un giorno ordinario straordinario in pochi secondi. Inoltre, avevamo un'incredibile chimica: ogni volta che ci guardavamo negli occhi scattavano scintille. Ci spogliavamo a vicenda con gli occhi ogni volta che eravamo nella stessa stanza. I letti si rompevano quando eravamo soli. Tutto sembrava perfetto.

Everything was perfect, until one day it wasn’t anymore. You changed, or you showed your real face because you were tired of acting—acting like you were this normal, caring and loving person I had waited to meet my whole life. You became someone I couldn’t recognize.

All of a sudden, everything I said or did bothered you. I was always the one to blame no matter what happened and no matter whether it had anything to do with me at all or not. Somebody would piss you off and you would take it out on me. Every time we would get into a fight, it was always my fault. I didn’t understand you, I didn’t support you, basically everything I did, I did wrong, I could no longer see in you that reasonable and gentle person I had spent so much time with.

Everything revolved around you. Things you needed and things you wanted. It was like I didn’t exist anymore. Like I didn’t matter to you at all. On the other hand, I would go out of my way to please you. I wanted us to work. I wanted you to be happy. I couldn’t let all those special and meaningful moments go to waste like they had never happened just because you were going through a rough patch.

Ma il tuo periodo difficile non aveva fine. Certo, avevi i tuoi giorni in cui tornavi ad essere il vecchio te stesso, il te che conoscevo, il te di cui mi ero innamorata, ma quei giorni erano così rari. Così rari che mi sembrava di aver conosciuto solo il dolore da quando ti conoscevo. Il tuo comportamento era peggiorato e i nostri litigi erano diventati il nostro unico mezzo di comunicazione.

Sei diventato distante e non riuscivo mai a capire cosa stesse succedendo nella tua mente. Ogni volta che ti chiedevo di condividere con me i tuoi sentimenti e i tuoi pensieri, dicevi che non c'era nulla da condividere. Ogni volta che ti chiedevo di lavorare su di noi, di lavorare sul nostro rapporto, sembravi disinteressato o dicevi che ci avresti provato, ma non lo facevi mai, non davvero. I tuoi tentativi di essere migliore, di trattarmi meglio, duravano pochi giorni e poi tornavi a mostrare il tuo vero io.

I wasn’t about to give up on us. I tried, I really did. But there was that one moment that woke me up and made me see clearly for the first time. The moment, during one of our fights, where you raised your hand to hit me, and before I realized what was happening, you slapped me so hard that all the love I felt for you turned into fear.

You were sorry once you had cooled off, when you realized what you had done. But it was too late for stories. All the apologies in this world couldn’t make that better. You begged me for forgiveness but I was already out of the door, going somewhere, anywhere, away from you.

I couldn’t believe that you had that in you. Despite all the problems we had, I never thought you could ever do something like that, that you could ever be so violent. It took me a long long time to recover from you. But I managed. I got to the point where I was grateful for that slap in the face as it really made me see the real you—somebody toxic and violent, some stranger in the body of a man I once loved.

I am grateful because if it wasn’t for that slap, I would have stayed with you longer, I would have put up with everything, thinking things would change. I was living in hell and I would have kept on doing so if it hadn’t been for that horrible night. Ti ho amato così tanto veramente, follemente, profondamente e tutto ciò che ho da mostrare per quell'amore è una brutta cicatrice sul mio cuore che porta un ricordo amaro di te.