Come puoi vivere con te stesso, sapendo quello che mi hai fatto?

What you did to me was horrible and there is no doubt about it. I know you keep telling yourself that you didn’t do anything wrong to me and I know you keep justifying yourself in front of yourself and in front of everyone else. I know you are not consumed by guilt and that you don’t blame yourself for all the hell you put me through. I know you are probably doing all of this because you can’t face all of the horror you made me go through and because you couldn’t look at yourself in the mirror if you admitted everything you did.

But saying all of this to yourself doesn’t change everything you did and doesn’t change the essence of who you are. It doesn’t change the fact that you betrayed me, disappointed me, that you took advantage of me, that you used me and that you broke my heart and broke me into pieces. It doesn’t change the fact that you are a manipolatore tossico and a selfish man who takes care of your needs only and it doesn’t change the fact that your behavior toward me was never OK.

Anche se questo è un aspetto che sto imparando ad accettare e anche se Sto cercando di imparare a vivere senza di te. and to learn to live with the fact that you obviously never loved me, there are still some things I can’t understand when it comes to you. I’ve stopped looking for reasons why you did all the things you did to me but I still don’t know how you could have done all of them. I still don’t know how come you have no conscience and how you could live with yourself knowing you’ve hurt me in the worst possible ways.

I still don’t know how you can sleep peacefully knowing you are the cause of my nightmares, knowing I am the one crying myself to sleep every night. How can you sleep peacefully knowing there is someone out there waking up in the middle of the night screaming, traumatized for all the things you’ve done?

Come si può vivere con se stessi sapendo di aver tradito l'unico ragazza che ti ha amato incondizionatamente? How can you continue living your life knowing that you’ve disappointed me and that you ruined everything I fought so hard for?

Come ci si può guardare allo specchio sapendo che mi hai tradito e che mi hai sostituito con una ragazza che non avrà mai il mio valore? Come puoi baciare questa ragazza, promettendole tutte le cose che hai promesso a me e vivendo con lei la vita che avevamo pianificato? Come puoi tenerla tra le braccia, sapendo quanto male mi ha fatto il tuo tradimento?

Come puoi pensare di essere un uomo buono, sapendo che ti sei approfittato del mio amore per te, sapendo che mi hai usato solo per il tuo ego e sapendo che non sei mai stato sincero con me?

Come puoi vivere con te stesso sapendo che hai rovinato tutto ciò che di bello c'era tra noi due e che hai rovinato le mie possibilità di essere felice?

How can you look at yourself in the mirror knowing you’ve damaged me for good, knowing that you’ve changed me forever? Knowing that you’ve made me smettere di credere nel lieto fine and in love, knowing that you’ve turned me into a bitter and negative person that I never was before?

How can you be peaceful knowing that you pretended to be someone you clearly are not and knowing that you lied to me all along while I was nothing but honest with you? Knowing that you led me on while you needed me and then dumping me like I never meant anything to you? Knowing that you played with someone’s emotions, knowing that you manipulated and emotionally abused the woman who loved you?

I guess these are all the questions I will never get answers to. Because I assume you don’t know them either. And maybe it’s better this way. Maybe I can’t understand all of this because I could never be like you and because I could never do the things you did to me.