Una lista di cose che non ho il coraggio di dire al mio ex

Ecco alcune delle cose che non mi sentirete mai dire ad alta voce, anche se la mia vita dipende da questo.

The things which have been killing me ever since your departure and the things I’m too proud to admit, even to myself.

Here is a list of things I’ll never have the courage to tell you.

1. Mi hai rovinato

I know I play all tough in front of you. Every time I see you, I pretend like your actions didn’t hurt me.

But guess what: when you left, you didn’t just break my heart. In fact, hai rotto anche a me.

Ever since you’ve been gone, I’ve felt like a wreck. I shattered into millions of pieces and there is no way for me to put myself back together.

You destroyed me completely and to be honest, I don’t even know how to begin the repairing process.

The truth is that you left deep wounds on my heart and they still haven’t started to heal.

Mi hai cambiato per sempre. Hai ucciso la ragazza innocente che ero e mi hai trasformato in una donna amara e negativa.

You turned me into ashes and I’m not sure whether I’ll ever have the strength to rise.

2. I’ve never loved anyone this much

There, I said it. You’re the most important man in my life, even after everything you did to me.

I’ve never wanted you to know this but the truth is that nobody stands a chance against you.

Not one of my exes, and certainly none of the guys I’ve dated since you left.

The scariest part is that I’m pretty sure that Non amerò mai qualsiasi altro uomo così tanto.

To be honest, I wasn’t even aware that I could love someone as much as I loved you. What a waste of emotions, right?

3. Ti cerco in tutti

If you ask around, you’ll discover that I didn’t turn into a nun after we broke up.

You’ll conclude that I’m not sitting patiently waiting for you to come back.

No, I don’t reject every man who approaches me. I don’t pretend to still be taken while you’re out there living the life of a bachelor.

The truth is that I’m back on the dating market. I don’t sleep with every guy who comes around but I don’t live a life of celibacy either.

Quindi, tutti danno per scontato che io debba essere superiore a te, visto che posso appuntamento di nuovo.

Well, what they don’t know is that I’m looking for you in every man I meet.

Esco con loro perché hanno una voce simile alla tua o perché usano la stessa colonia che usavi tu.

Alcuni mi guardano come facevi tu un tempo e altri hanno un sorriso che mi ricorda te.

Tuttavia, nessuno di loro è te e nessuno lo sarà mai. La verità è che ogni volta che me ne rendo conto corro ai ripari.

4. Mi hai fatto dubitare del mio valore

Ever since you walked away from me, you’ve made me doubt my own value. You’ve made me wonder why I wasn’t enough for you.

You see, I gave you my best, without holding anything back. So, if my best version wasn’t enough for you, what would have made you stay?

How will I be able to keep any man by my side, if I didn’t succeed with you? Am I not worthy of someone’s love?

Why wasn’t I worthy of your love?

I bet you never thought that these questions would keep on bothering me. After all, I appear to be so confident, don’t I?

Beh, hai distrutto la mia sicurezza. Mi hai trasformato in un relitto insicuro senza autostima.

5. Ti odio

By now, you must think I’m some kind of a lunatic, right? I’ve just confessed to you that I’ve never loved someone as much as I loved you and now, here I am, telling you that I hate you.

Doesn’t make much sense, does it? Well, sorry but that’s how I feel right now.

I love you with all of my heart but I also hate your guts. I can’t explain it either.

Nevertheless, what matters is that you’re still alive inside of me-one way or another.

It doesn’t matter if I’m obsessed with love or hatred, you still exist in my head and heart.

6. Ma mi aspetto comunque che torni

Ironically, I still expect you to come back. It’s not that I consciously want it-I just can’t seem to kill my hopes off.

Every time my phone rings, for a split of a second, I think it’s you.

Ogni volta che incontro il tuo migliore amico, mi aspetto che mi dica che hai parlato di me.

Mi giro ogni volta che vedo una macchina simile alla tua. Mi innervosisco ogni volta che passo per la tua strada, aspettandomi che tu chiami il mio nome.

The truth is I hope that one day, you’ll come knocking on my door. That remorse will kill you once you realize what you lost.

Voglio che vi svegliate nel cuore della notte, perseguitati dal rimpianto. Voglio che tu mi manca quanto mi manchi tu.

Voglio che tu torni. Ma allo stesso tempo, voglio che tu stia lontano.