Ecco perché la mia ansia mi fa sembrare una stronza

Molte persone mi vedono come una stronza o una disadattata. Pensano che io sia presuntuosa e arrogante. Dicono ogni genere di cose su di me senza conoscere la verità.

My anxiety has a huge impact on my social life. I don’t really reach out to people.

The truth is, I’m anxious about starting a conversation, especially with someone new. I am even too nervous to reply to people’s messages, and that’s why it takes me so long to write back. I don’t want to ignore you or play hard. It’s not true that I don’t care.

Posso sembrare una stronza to you because I find it difficult to talk, fake a smile, and follow all the other social conventions. I’m not doing it on purpose, it’s just hard for me to fit in.

I know you don’t notice this because I am trying to suppress my anxiety and hide its physical ‘symptoms’. I don’t want to talk about it. I feel labeled as ‘the crazy one’, and it hurts so much.

L'interazione sociale è qualcosa che gli altri fanno naturalmente, ma per me è un campo di battaglia. Devo lottare con me stesso per sopravvivere. So che potrei sembrare fredda, distante e disinteressata.

I tend to avoid eye contact and I end up staring at something else while you talk to me. I’m not ignoring you, I’m paying attention to every single word you say. I’m just not good at having normal conversations and it makes me feel like a bad person, a lousy friend, a cold bitch.

I’m not good at small talk. I’m the quiet one. People despise me because they believe I’m just sitting there, judging them for everything they say and do. But in fact, I’m just terrified because I can’t communicate with such ease like them.

They seem so connected, even when they are leading discussions and having arguments. Taking part in a discussion or fighting with someone freaks me out. I don’t feel human sometimes, I feel like a plant.

People are not aware of my anxiety. They just think I’m a bitch, an asshole, ‘the quiet one’, ‘the shy one’.

I hate drawing attention to myself and that’s why I’m careful with every move I make. My insecurities eat me up, and that’s why I might seem distant. It’s not that I want to act like an asshole.

La mia ansia mi fa stare in silenzio anche quando ho qualcosa di importante da dire, quando voglio disperatamente partecipare a una discussione e quando sento il bisogno di far parte di un gruppo.

I want to belong somewhere. I don’t want to hate myself anymore. I don’t want to turn down opportunities that I know I would enjoy. I don’t want you to call me names and whisper what a bitch I am.

I’m just someone who needs to try extra hard to achieve something that other people already have.

Prima di chiamarmi per nome, cercate di capirmi.
Prima di etichettarmi come una stronza, prova a metterti nei miei panni.
Prima di rifiutarmi, cercate di darmi una seconda possibilità.

I know I can be awkward, but if you get to know me a little bit better, you’d know I’m completely different than the picture of me that you have in your head.