Guida alla comprensione e al superamento dell'intorpidimento emotivo

Emotional numbness is something we have all prayed for at some point. You know exactly what I’m talking about: about those moments when you feel as if you’ve reached your breaking point and as if you can’t take it anymore.

I’m talking about the moments when you’d rather feel empty than sad and miserable. I’m talking about the moments when the possibility of shutting your feelings off looks like paradise.

But, be careful what you wish for – you might just get it. What happens when you achieve emotional numbness?

Ebbene, lasciate che vi dica che non è affatto come nei vostri sogni. In effetti, non provare alcuna emozione è spaventoso al punto da farvi morire dall'interno.

When you reach this stage, you’ll give anything to have your ability to feel back. Nevertheless, things don’t always go that easily.

It’s not like you can snap your fingers and reverse the entire process. Instead, there are some steps you have to take before successfully overcoming emotional numbness.

But, before that, let’s check out what emotional numbing is and what causes it.

Significato di intorpidimento emotivo

L'intorpidimento emotivo o anedonia non è una malattia mentale, ma ha certamente un impatto sulla salute mentale. In parole povere, essere emotivamente insensibili significa non provare letteralmente nulla ed essere immuni a tutti i possibili stimoli.

Yes, you don’t cry anymore, but you don’t laugh either. You are saved from sadness, but you’re deprived of happiness as well.

È uno stato di totale indifferenza. Dall'esterno, si vive una vita del tutto normale, ma dall'interno, non c'è altro che questo enorme e infinito vuoto che ti disconnette dal mondo.

Sintomi di intorpidimento emotivo

You don’t become emotionally numb all of a sudden. In fact, there are certain red flags that are clear indicators that you’re stepping on the path of becoming emotionally detached.

Some of the symptoms of emotional numbness are similar to symptoms of depression. They include depersonalization, derealization, dissociation… Look out for these alarms and check if you can relate to most (or all) of them.

Allontanarsi dai propri cari

The first and the most common symptom you’ll feel if you suspect yourself of being emotionally numb is detachment from your loved ones.

I’m not talking about the people who have done you harm here (yes, you can still love the ones who hurt you – in fact, it happens more frequently than you might imagine).

I’m talking about your closest friends and family members. All of a sudden, you feel like you’re not so connected to your best friend or a sibling.

The worst part is that there is absolutely no reason for this to happen. They haven’t done anything to you, you two didn’t argue, and you’re still physically present in each other’s lives.

Ma, in qualche modo, si ha la sensazione che il legame che vi teneva uniti sia scomparso. It’s like someone cut the cord that connected you with everyone, and you are left like a balloon floating around the clouds – all alone.

Cercate di cambiare questa situazione. Cerchi di forzare letteralmente te stesso ad amare queste persone nel modo in cui usavid a.

Nevertheless, it appears that all of your attempts are in vain. You’re growing more and more distant from everyone around and it looks like there is nothing to be done about it.

Solitudine e isolamento

Anche se un tempo eravate un vero estroverso, ultimamente le cose sono cambiate. Non c'è più traccia della farfalla sociale che eravate un tempo.

Invece di passare il tempo con gli amici, la famiglia e i colleghi, ultimamente, preferite la solitudine a tutto il resto. You’re off of all social media, you avoid any type of gathering, and you spend all of your time by yourself.

Don’t get me wrong: there comes a period in our lives when we all want and need some time off. You want to ricaricare le batterie e che avrebbe bisogno di un po' di privacy.

But, when it comes to you, this period has been lasting for a while now. In fact, it seems that it has surpassed a phase – it has become your lifestyle.

You voluntarily socially isolated yourself and you avoid all possible human contact – except the one you’re forced to maintain.

 Love and hate don’t stand a chance against indifference

Si pensa che l'amore e l'odio siano le emozioni più forti in assoluto. Anche se questi due sentimenti sono due facce della stessa medaglia, c'è qualcosa che li supera.

C'è qualcosa di più forte di qualsiasi emozione: l'assenza di emozioni.

If you come to think of it, this is exactly what you’ve been feeling lately: nothing. Isn’t it ironic? The fact that you feel nothing overwhelms you.

When you’re in emotional pain, you’d give everything to achieve indifference. You think of it as the best way to go through life.

After all, almost nothing and nobody can touch you. You’re unbothered by people’s efforts to break your heart simply because you don’t have one.

You can’t seem to get angry, and you have forgotten what it means to hate. You don’t cry and you don’t go through stages of grief or sadness.

You don’t miss people, you don’t hold grudges against them, and you’re convinced that you could live all alone in this world since no one’s loss would shake your entire world.

Sembra quasi troppo bello per essere vero.

But, let’s not forget about one thing. When you become indifferent, you not only lose the bad and unwanted emotions.

You not only lose the ability to hate – you also become incapable of loving. Sadness is not the only thing that goes away – positive emotions, including happiness, also follow it.

This is exactly what has been going on with you. You’ve diventare emotivamente non disponibile e insensibile.

Perdita di interesse per le cose che un tempo vi rendevano felici

All of the sudden, you’re not looking for a new day. All the little things that used to bring you joy have become totally irrelevant.

You’ve lost interest in activities that used to make you happy. You’ve stopped looking forward to the weekend, you no longer anticipate your vacation, your hobbies have become dull, and no accomplishment can fulfill you anymore.

You’re empty and all you feel is this abyss inside of you. All of a sudden, this numbness isn’t so great, is it?

It is when you lose control that you repress your emotions – not when you’re in control

La maggior parte delle persone pensa che chi sta lottando contro l'intorpidimento emotivo abbia perso la capacità di sentire. Tutte le loro emozioni sono state cancellate e si sono spente, ma la verità è ben diversa.

You see, each one of your sensations is still there – you’ve just buried them deep inside of you. I’m not saying you did it on purpose or even consciously, but either way, it happened.

Ora tutto si sta accumulando dentro di voi. Questi enormi cumuli di felicità, tristezza, amore, odio, rabbia, risentimento, gioia e compassione si sono mescolati.

They’re not disappearing with time. Instead, the piles are getting bigger and bigger, and the more you try to push them down, the more they grow.

Infine, si diventa incapaci di raggiungerli. You’ve spent so much time training yourself not to feel anything that your emotions have hidden from you, so now you can’t get to them – even if you want to.

It seems that you can’t make yourself feel anything. You’ve repressed your emotions to the point where you have forgotten how to use them properly.

Not just that: you’re also scared of even taking a peek at them. You’re terrified of what you might find there, and more importantly, you wonder if you’ll be able to handle it.

Ciò di cui bisogna essere consapevoli è che reprimere le emozioni is a red flag that you’ve lost control over yourself, even though you think otherwise.

You think that ignoring your feelings is an act of emotional and mental strength. You think that by doing this, you’ve finally learned how to govern yourself while you’re doing completely the opposite.

You’re making the most cowardly move ever – you’re running away from parts of you in hopes of erasing them. You consider yourself too weak to be in actual control and to look your demons in the eye.

Testimoniare la propria vita e non parteciparvi

Emotionally numb people don’t live their life – they merely witness it. You’re not the leading role of your own movie – you’re nothing more than an extra, or even worse: a part of the audience.

This is known as depersonalization or derealization. You’re nothing but an alien in your life and you’re detached from the world around you.

If you dig a little deeper in yourself, you’ll see that this is exactly how you can describe your every day. It’s like life is passing by you and you’re not doing anything to participate in it.

It’s like you’ve exited your body a long time ago and you’re just observing everything that’s going on to someone else – even though that someone else used to be you.

It’s a weird feeling, I know. You’re merely surviving, waiting for your end to come.

You don’t intend to leave a mark on this world. You’re not putting effort into spending every day as if it was your last or enjoying every breath you take.

You’re not doing anything at all to make the best of your time on Earth. It’s like you don’t see that you were put in this world for a reason. It is like you don’t notice that your life was a gift that you’re putting to waste.

You’re not living – you’re merely existing. You’re completely passive: instead of taking action, you allow things to happen to you.

Cosa provoca l'intorpidimento emotivo?

Le cause dell'intorpidimento emotivo sono diverse. Le cause mediche più comuni sono il disturbo bipolare, l'assunzione di antidepressivi o l'abuso di sostanze. Tutti questi fattori possono rendere il soggetto emotivamente inerte e apatico.

On the other hand, it’s possible that hurtful events from your past made you emotionally numb. Insensitivity and disconnection from your own feelings is nothing but a coping mechanism and this is what causes it.

Siete stati feriti al punto da non provare più nulla.

As strong as you once were, you’ve always been a human being. This means that your heart was fragile, and that you had your weaknesses and vulnerable sides.

The point is that you’ve reached your maximum. You’ve reached a point where you simply can’t stand being hurt anymore.

Il tuo il cuore è stato spezzato così tante volte che non c'era altra scelta se non quella di reincollare il tutto in un modo o nell'altro.

Le persone continuavano a farle del male in un modo o nell'altro. Quindi, l'unico modo per porre fine a tutto questo era chiudersi emotivamente per sempre.

In realtà, avevate due possibilità. Potreste continuare a subire colpi e impazzire letteralmente, perché nessun essere umano può sopportare una tale quantità di dolore emotivo.

Oppure, si può costruire intorno a sé muri alti e spessi. All'epoca, la seconda opzione sembrava una cintura di salvataggio.

Stavate annegando nella vostra sofferenza mentale e dovevate salvarvi.

You didn’t do it consciously. It’s not as if you woke up one day and made the decision of becoming emotionally numb.

It just happened. It was your mind’s reaction to everything you have experienced.

Il disturbo post-traumatico da stress come condanna a vita

Sometimes, you are convinced that everything you went through in the past is long forgotten. When it happened, you found a way to cope with your pain. Maybe it wasn’t the healthiest path, but it was the only thing you could do.

I don’t know if it was something that happened back in your childhood. Maybe you had a toxic relationship that left unerasable consequences on you. Either way, the Il dolore che hai vissuto ti ha cambiato.

Avete vissuto un'esperienza traumatica. Oppure ne avete solo assistito, ma ne siete stati pesantemente influenzati.

The point is that you have been living day after day pretending that nothing ever happened. You decided to ignore this event or this part of your life because you don’t have the courage to face it properly.

Bene, Lasciate che vi dica che il modo in cui vi sentite ora non è altro che una reazione all'evento traumatico. You might think you forgot all about it, but trust me – your emotional wounds never disappeared – they just turned into scars.

Scegliendo l'insensibilità, ci si condanna alla vita. Invece di gestire il trauma e lasciarselo davvero alle spalle, lo si porta con sé.

In questo modo, diventa il vostro fardello più pesante che pesa sempre di più ogni giorno che passa.

Non una vittima, ma una sopravvissuta

It is a proven fact that it’s not rare for victims of abuse to, in a way, die spiritually. I’m not talking about physical violence here: emotional, mental, and verbal abuse can get you down this road as well.

Perché succede? Quando si subisce un qualsiasi tipo di violenza, si è costretti a sviluppare diversi meccanismi di difesa per affrontare la situazione.

You can’t stand the humiliation, self-pity, disprezzo di sé, and pain anymore. You’re surrounded by darkness and you see no way out.

Quindi, l'unica scelta che avete è quella di spegnervi. Imparate a spegnere tutte le vostre emozioni e smettete semplicemente di reagire a tutto ciò che accade intorno a voi.

The only way to save yourself from this hell you’re going through is to retreat into your own mind. You create a world of your own and you stop paying attention to your reality and surroundings.

Once you achieve this, you become emotionally numb. You don’t have the strength to handle all of this emotional ache, so you learn to ignore it.

But, once again, you can’t choose which feelings you’ll embrace and which ones you will set aside. Therefore, you become emotionally detached from yourself.

Tuttavia, ciò continua ad accadere anche quando si interrompe il ciclo dell'abuso. Si continua a vivere come una vittima e si adottano questi modelli comportamentali come qualcosa di assolutamente normale.

In realtà, utilizzate questo meccanismo di difesa ogni volta che vi trovate in una situazione potenzialmente dannosa. In pratica, si vive nella negazione e si continua a vedere se stessi come a victim, even though you’re much more than that.

Well, let me tell you that you’re actually a survivor of abuse. Once you start seeing yourself in that way, you’ll iniziare a ripulire la vostra energia dai traumi.

You’ll see that you also have what it takes to face all of your feelings as unpleasant and unwanted as they might be.

Una volta che iniziate a vedervi così, il vostro crescita post-traumatica inizierà finalmente.

Passi per superare con successo l'intorpidimento emotivo

When you finally decide that it’s time to do something about your condition, that’s the first step towards recovery. Nevertheless, it’s crucial to note that you’ve been emotionally numb for some time now.

Therefore, you can’t expect to go back to your old ways overnight, can you? Instead, this is a healing process that goes step by step.

Non ha senso curare le conseguenze prima di aver trovato la causa.

Ecco che arriva la parte più spaventosa. È la fase che molti vorrebbero evitare, ma che allo stesso tempo è fondamentale per il recupero.

Quando si cerca di guarire nel modo più rapido, ci si concentra solo sulle conseguenze. Si concentra tutta l'energia per migliorare il proprio stato attuale.

That works – for a while. But, after some time, you go back to your old ways, of course, without the intention of doing so.

È proprio per questo che è necessario curare la causa sottostante prima di affrontare le conseguenze. L'intorpidimento è la conseguenza, mentre l'esperienza traumatica è la causa.

So che questa è l'ultima cosa che volete fare. Dopo tutto, evitare il tuo passato è ciò che ti ha portato qui in primo luogo.

Avete investito tanti sforzi per bloccare i vostri traumi e fuggire dalle vostre ferite, e ora qualcuno vi dice che dovete fare il contrario: dovete guardarli negli occhi.

Purtroppo, non c'è un'altra strada da percorrere. Almeno, non una efficiente.

Dig deep inside of yourself and do the best you can to realize what experience made you this way. Who cut your heart so bad that you’re still bleeding?

Avere un sistema di supporto è come avere una rete di sicurezza sotto di sé in ogni momento.

I don’t care how strong you might think you are – nobody deserves to go through something like this alone. That is exactly why you must surround yourself with people who will hold your hand through this difficult time.

Let’s go back to all of your friends and family you keep on ignoring lately. Well, they’re the ones who will help you the most.

These are the people you can call in the middle of the night whenever you’re going through some hard times. These are the people who will help you reconnect with yourself by reconnecting with them.

These are the people who will understand what you’re going through and who won’t judge you for any of it.

These are the people who will be there to catch you whenever you’re about to fall and who will collect your broken pieces and vi farà tornare ad essere integri.

Yes, you’re the creator of your own happiness. That means that the steering wheel of your own life is in your hands since you have all the responsibility on your shoulders.

But, that doesn’t mean that surrounding yourself with awesome passengers won’t help. They are your support system: your pillars and your safety net.

L'attività è il farmaco da assumere quotidianamente

I don’t care whether you’ll hit the gym, go hiking, or start riding a bike regularly – lifestyle changes are crucial for your recovery.

Trust me: any kind of activity will help you a lot – it will enrich your brain with endorphins and literally fill you with positive emotions.

Yes, most of these things are exhausting. I know that your schedule is tight and you’re too busy to start working out now.

Ma per favore, dimenticate le scuse. Dimenticatevi di aspettare il prossimo lunedì e iniziate a muovervi.

I assure you that you’ll start feeling much better in no time. At the end of the day, the important thing is to keep yourself occupied.

If you’re not into sports, there is always journaling, joining a book club, learning a new language, occupying your time with painting or music – whatever suits you the best.

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf

I’ll be dead honest here: you can’t change everyone around you. In fact, you shouldn’t even try doing it.

When you go back to being sensitive, bad things will start happening to you again. People will hurt you and your heart will get broken – nobody can save you from that.

But, your goal shouldn’t be to impact your entire surroundings. You’re not here to change the world – you’re here to change yourself, and that’s more than enough.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is that you have to learn how to cope with negative emotions.

You have to learn how not to be affected by other people’s actions and how to find inner peace despite everything going on in the outside world.

Mindfulness

Il modo per raggiungere questo obiettivo è la mindfulness. Invece di essere ossessionati dal passato e dal futuro, essere consapevoli significa essere presenti nel momento esatto.

Questo è in realtà il passo più importante per combattere il distacco emotivo. Whatever is going on around you, take a step back and put all of your efforts into becoming aware of what you’re feeling at the moment.

You don’t judge yourself and you don’t make any presumptions. Instead, you just identify your emotions the way they truly are.

Rompere con lo stress

Anche se non si potrà mai cancellare la possibilità di stress nella propria vita, si può sicuramente allontanare dalle sue fonti conosciute.

The less you expose yourself to unwanted emotions at this stage, the more willing you’ll be to overcome your numbness.

Tagliate i ponti con tutti coloro che vi causano stress e ansia. Se necessario e possibile, cambiate ambiente.

It’s never too late to engage in another career, to get a divorce, or to find new friends – whatever suits you the best.

Psicoterapia

Finally, if you’re having a hard time dealing with your emotional detachment on your own, it’s time to look for a mental health professional.

This is especially important if you’re taking some antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications for another mental health condition whose side effect can be emotional numbing.

In questo caso, un terapeuta abilitato vi suggerirà alcune opzioni di trattamento senza questi effetti collaterali indesiderati.

A healthcare expert is also a part of your support system – they’re just someone who knows exactly what you’re going through.

Seeking counseling and therapy, or at least calling a helpline, will be one of the best choices you’ll ever make. You’ll be able to talk to the person who’ll help you realize what has been going on inside of you.

La terapia cognitivo-comportamentale serve a identificare il problema, a trovarne l'origine e, soprattutto, a guidarvi nel vostro percorso di guarigione.

Per concludere:

Even though emotional numbness might seem satisfactory at the moment, the fact is that it can’t go on forever. You’ll snap out of it sooner or later, and it’s much better to get out of this state under your own terms.

Sadly, with time, being emotionally detached from everything and everyone, including yourself, has become your comfort zone. Well, now is the final time to step out of it and take the leap into the unknown. It’s time to start practicing autocura emotiva. 

I won’t lie to you: emotional processing won’t be all butterflies and roses. Instead, you’ll expose yourself to a range of unwanted emotions that you’ve been successfully avoiding.

But, at the same time, you’ll be capable of feeling all those emotions that make you human. Most importantly, you’ll feel alive once again.

And, believe me when I tell you that this sensation is worth all the trouble. Trust me: you’ll thank yourself later.