La mia ansia non mi permette di avvicinarmi alle persone, ma ecco come gestirla

Quando l'ansia si fa sentire, a volte ci fa difficile da amare, you know? It’s like the world is a huge hurricane that doesn’t allow you to escape its grasp and your mind just goes with that whole mess, without ever realizing what it’s doing to itself.

So here I am, mistaking everything that’s in my head as reality. Like I have nothing better to do than to be miserable. I can’t say that there is anyone in my life whom my anxiety didn’t affect—including my teachers, parents, siblings, partners, etc. Everyone in my life has made it clear that they don’t know how to handle my emotional distance and my messy mind.

My anxiety didn’t let me get close to people at all. It isolated me to the point where I wasn’t even able to get out of my room, for my head convinced me how bad it must be outside. Other people seemed to be too much work but I have found my ways to deal with all these things that are telling me to stay away, for my brain might hurt them.

Mi ricordo di respirare. My head tends to get cluttered with so many thoughts that simply will not go away on their own and that’s when I forget to breathe. Whenever I would meet someone new I would become so anxious that my breathing would just stop. But now I manage to remember to breathe. With this, I get a moment of peace where I gather my thoughts and become aware of my surroundings. When I remember to breathe it’s so much easier to talk to and interact with others.

Parlo alla gente della mia ansia. It’s not the easiest thing to do to be honest. Telling someone that you si fa prendere dall'ansia molto facilmente and that the whole situation is super uncomfortable for you only makes you vulnerable. But if someone doesn’t appreciate your honesty and they don’t even bother to try and understand you, then they are not even worthy of your time. At least that’s how I see it. It took me quite some time to manage this but I have been doing great!

Quando le persone sanno quanto mi rendono ansiosa, sanno anche che sto combattendo una battaglia che nessuno può vedere. Non cerco pietà. Voglio solo che le persone sappiano quanto sia difficile per me interagire con loro e perché è così. Così le persone tendono a essere più comprensibili e finiscono per facilitarmi la conoscenza.

I try to accept that I can’t control things. My anxiety is mostly turned to the fear that something might go wrong before it even starts, so I end up with my head between my knees, begging the world to do things my way. But it never works out how I planned. So, I have a reminder written on my hand that says that I can’t control things and that I should just let them go.

Because of the fear of getting hurt or being misunderstood I often regret the fact that I don’t get emotionally intimate with someone. So, what I do is I talk. Even though it sounds awkward and even though I break down most of the time, I keep on trying until I tell them something about myself. Of course, I always ask for something in return, a memory perhaps, that I can hold on to.

I try to remember that it’s not my fault. Questo è l'aspetto in cui fallisco di più. Cerco di convincermi che avere ansia isn’t my fault or that people leaving my life also isn’t my fault. But it’s truly hard. Getting close to people means being vulnerable and telling them that you are insecure and that’s what gives them il potere di spezzarti.

Ma preferisco essere distrutta piuttosto che non essere in grado di esprimere le vere emozioni. Si può guarire dopo un cuore spezzato e tutti possiamo imparare una lezione preziosa, ma il rimpianto di non aver mai stabilito un legame emotivo o di aver avuto troppa paura di parlare con qualcuno rimane.

Così ogni giorno mi impegno ad aprirmi di più alle persone e ad avvicinarmi a loro, perché mi rende felice mantenere una conversazione interessante o stringere un'amicizia fantastica. Lavoro sulla mia ansia e alla fine della giornata sono orgogliosa di me stessa per ogni piccolo risultato.