Perché i fantasmi tornano sempre e come affrontare i loro ritorni
Essere vittima di un fantasma da parte di qualcuno è un'esperienza terribilmente dolorosa, ma la cosa peggiore è che quei fantasmi tendono a tornare nella nostra vita all'improvviso. Perché? Perché i fantasmi tornano sempre dalle loro vittime?
Is it because they have regrets for everything they’ve done, or is it simply because they feel lonely and want to have some more fun? Unfortunately, in most cases, it’s the latter.
I’ve always wondered why ghosters do that. What the actual purpose of ghosting is… I looked into this phenomenon, and my research led me to the following conclusions.
Ghosters are narcissists in disguise who simply don’t care for others’ feelings.
They’re also cowards who don’t have the guts to face their problems, and they prefer to sweep them under the rug or simply run away from them.
Their most significant trait is their indecisiveness which doesn’t allow them to have and maintain a serious relationship with another human being. They simply don’t know what they want.
Perché i fantasmi tornano sempre: 11 ragioni comuni
If this is the first time your ghost has come back, it’s perfectly normal that you’re riding an emotional rollercoaster right now.
You couldn’t understand why they left the way they did, and now you simply can’t understand why they came back after everything.
It’s all too confusing and messed up, I know. Actually, that’s exactly how these kinds of people are; truly messed up.
Below is a list of some common reasons why ghosters always come back, and I hope it’ll help you realize why your ghost reappeared.
They’re simply bored and lonely
Questo è il motivo più comune per cui i fantasmi tornano sempre. Scompaiono quando si annoiano di voi e ricompaiono quando iniziano a sentirsi soli.
That’s a sick game to play with a person who has romantic feelings for them. Also, that’s exactly why they never want to end things with that person in the “right way.”
The thing is that a person who was ghosting you for an amount of time never had any sincere feelings for you in the first place. You’re simply a toy to them, a toy they think they can always take and play with.
They think you’ll always welcome them back
It’s not always so great to be a nice person. People see you as a toy then can play, have fun with, and ditch whenever they get bored.
There are some very cruel people who’ll take advantage of your kindness and hurt you in the most painful ways.
The truth is, our ghosts from the past are one of those people. Just because you’re always nice to them, they see it as a chance to treat you any way they want because they simply think that the door to your life will always be open to them.
Se si continua a dare loro seconde opportunità and if you let them go in and out of your life whenever they want, it’ll simply give them the right to keep breaking your heart, piece by piece.
Hanno bisogno di una spinta per il loro ego
Il tuo fantasma continua a tornare da te perché you’re their ego boost. They’ve probably experienced disappointments in their dating life, and they’ve come back to you to feed their ego.
So, basically, you’re only food for their fragile ego. They’re breadcrumbing you because they simply need you to help them build and maintain their confidence.
The thing is that if you let them keep ghosting and reappearing in your life, you’ll lose your confidence. That’s the worst feeling because it’ll lead you to lose yourself and your identity by the time they’re done with you.
Before you even notice it, you’ll go into hiding from yourself and lose touch with real life and other people. You’ll also be left unable to build and maintain a healthy, serious relationship with another person.
Vogliono dimostrare che possono avervi quando vogliono.
Per quanto abbiano bisogno di voi per accrescere il loro ego, vogliono anche usarvi per dimostrare a voi e al resto del mondo che possono avervi quando vogliono.
Last year I met a nice guy and very soon, we became friends. We talked about our dating lives, and he admitted to me that he was ghosting his ex-girlfriend and that it wasn’t the first time he was doing it.
La perseguitava per diverse settimane, ma alla fine tornava sempre da lei. Semplicemente tornava e il giorno dopo ricominciavano la loro relazione come se nulla fosse successo.
Mi ha affascinato molto il loro rapporto e l'intera situazione.
Gli ho chiesto, “why do guys ghost people, and what’s the purpose of ghosting someone you obviously don’t have any serious intentions with?”
È stato completamente onesto (anche se questo ha cambiato la mia opinione sul fatto che fosse un bravo ragazzo).
Ha ammesso che lo faceva solo per dimostrare alla sua ex ragazza e ai loro amici comuni che poteva stare con lei quando e dove voleva.
They’ve reappeared for another hookup
Nella maggior parte dei casi, tornano solo perché vogliono divertirsi ancora un po'. Vogliono semplicemente godersi ancora un po' una relazione senza legami e poi, probabilmente, spariranno di nuovo.
The truth is, they’ll keep coming for casual hookups as long as you allow them to. They’ll keep inviting you to Netflix and chill as long as you keep accepting the invitation.
Don’t let your mind go the wrong way… Yes, being ghosted hurts, but it’ll hurt even more if you aren’t able to come to terms with the fact that your ghost doesn’t love you the way you love them.
They see you just as a casual hookup, and that’s the reason why they end things the way they do each time. Maybe they aren’t even aware of your feelings, and they think that regular hookups are okay for you too.
In most cases, they aren’t even aware of their mistake
Purtroppo, anche questo è uno scenario molto comune. Ne ho già parlato nell'ultima frase del paragrafo precedente.
Some men simply think that you don’t share any feelings for them either and that you’re perfectly okay with hooking up from time to time. It’s possible they aren’t even aware that they’re hurting you with their ghostings and returns.
The more you allow them to come and go from your life in this way, the more they’ll be convinced that you vedere tutto questo come un'avventura occasionale anche.
That’s why you need to be direct and honest with them the first time they return and tell them how the land lies.
They’ve been ditched
While they were ghosting you, they probably moved on with their dating life. If this is the case, they’ll return to you when their new partner dumps their lame ass.
Torneranno da voi per cercare conforto e per usarvi per dimenticare la loro rottura. So che fa particolarmente male sentirselo dire, ma questo è anche uno dei motivi più comuni per cui i fantasmi tornano sempre.
They’re keeping you on the back burner
You were being ghosted by someone, and that person has continued with their dating life. After an amount of time, when they get dumped, they return to you. What’s this telling you?
Significa che si sono pentiti di avervi lasciato, oppure che eri il loro piano di riserva per tutto il tempo? Credo che la risposta sia abbastanza ovvia, no?
This is precisely why these kinds of people don’t end things the way they should, why they don’t end the relationship directly. Il ghosting è semplicemente un'altra versione di una relazione di ripiego.
They don’t want you to move on
Do ghosters come back? Yes, the moment they see that you’ve moved on, they’ll instantly appear in your life again. Why do ghosters always come back? Simply because they don’t want to allow you to move on with your life.
They’re narcissists in disguise who simply don’t want you to be happy. They’ll keep showing up unannounced in your life, trying to prevent you from moving on.
Every time they hear you’ve met someone else, they’ll immediately reach out and bounce back into your life. I know it’s confusing and very difficult to understand, but these people are just like that, too hard to understand and deal with.
Forse gli manchi?
I assume you get why I put this reason at the very end of my list. Of course, it’s because these last two reasons are least probable of all.
To be sincere, they may have returned to your life because they’ve realized that they made a mistake and want to make things right. However, it’s a scenario that isn’t often seen.
If they’ve ghosted you for less than three days, then it’s possible that they’ve come back because they want to repent for what they did. They may have returned because they miss you, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.
Or MAYBE they realized that the grass wasn’t really greener on the other side after all?!
As I already said, maybe it’s possible that they’ve understood what they did and that the way they end things with you is unfair.
Si sa che il karma è una rogna. Maybe they’ve met someone else who hurt them, and it made them feel guilty for hurting your feelings. Or perhaps that person has made them realize that the grass isn’t greener on the other side after all.
This could be true, but the point is that they shouldn’t have needed another person to point it out to them. They should have realized it on their own, and they should never hurt you the way they did.
Sono d'accordo che tutti meritiamo una seconda possibilità, ma alcune cose sono intollerabili e imperdonabili.
VEDI ANCHE: Ecco cosa significa se non vi ha contattato per un mese
Come rispondere ai loro ritorni
If you’re alle prese con un fantasma che continua a tornare Ecco alcuni consigli efficaci che vi aiuteranno a gestire questi ritorni indesiderati.
• Allow yourself to feel your feelings
Your feelings are all over the place, and that’s perfectly okay. Just try to gather them up and be more understanding towards yourself.
It’s okay to feel anger because you’re in a situation where you have every right to be pissed off. It’s also perfectly fine to be happy because the person you care for has returned into your life, implorando un'altra possibilità.
I know that there are so many things on your mind right now. I know you’re thinking about what you should do and how you should deal with your ghost’s sudden comeback.
But, I honestly advise you to stop that thought process right now and simply focus on your emotions. Forget about your mind right now and focus on your heart; try to hear what it’s telling you.
• Always remember HOW things ended between you
Il tuo fantasma è tornato prima ancora che tu abbia avuto il tempo di guarire e andare avanti. So che il tuo cuore ti sta dicendo in questo momento che dovresti perdonarli e dimenticare il loro fantasma.
Tuttavia, dovreste sempre ricordare a voi stessi tutto ciò che avete dovuto subire mentre vi stavano ignorando. Dovete sempre tenere a mente che hanno intenzionalmente ignorato, trascurato e ferito i vostri sentimenti.
• However, don’t revenge-ghost them
When your ghost returns, I know that the first thing that comes to mind is that it’s time to start ghosting them right back. However, that would be a terrible thing to do.
La verità è che la miglior vendetta per questo tipo di persone è semplicemente andare avanti.
Just because someone treats you badly, just because they’re a bad person, doesn’t mean that you should behave the same way towards them. You should always try to respond peacefully to their sudden returns.
Allow them to explain their actions. I’m sure they’ll give you a million reasons and excuses for what they did.
But remember, I said that you should hear them out; I didn’t say that you should immediately believe every word that comes out of their mouth.
• Practice the fine art of patience
They’ll probably give you a million excuses to justify their behavior. They’ll likely flood you with messages and calls, trying to get your forgiveness.
However, you should give yourself some time before you make any final decisions. Don’t ever react in anger or make decisions by only listening to your heart because you’ll regret them later.
• Be the bigger person and forgive
This is a situation where you should prove to them that you’re la persona più grande e perdonarli per avervi trattato in quel modo.
That way, you’ll clear your own conscience and won’t have any regrets later. No matter what a person does to you, you should always find the strength in your heart to forgive them for your own peace of mind.
• Still, forgiving them doesn’t mean you should forget what they did
The fact is that even if you decide to forgive them and leave it all behind, you’ll never be able to forget all the pain and suffering they made you go through because of their behavior.
You’ll never be able to forget how you were collecting all the broken pieces of your heart and trying to glue them back together. Even if you’re willing to forget, there will always be some scars left to remind you of the pain of essere vittima di un fantasma.
• It also doesn’t mean you should give them a second chance
These kinds of people tend to take your forgiveness as if it means that you’re immediately giving them a second chance.
That’s why you need to be direct with them from the very beginning and tell them the true reason for your act of forgiveness.
Being forgiving is the quality of a kind, nice person. However, giving someone too many second chances when they don’t deserve it at all is the trait of a foolish person who doesn’t value their worth.
RELATIVO: Leggete qui se state pensando di dargli una seconda possibilità
• Get closure once and for all
Dovete affrontare il vostro fantasma e chiarire definitivamente le cose con lui. Dovete prendere una decisione definitiva e attenervi ad essa, qualunque cosa accada.
Se decidete di dare loro una seconda possibilità In ogni caso, dovreste porre dei limiti e dare loro degli ultimatum.
Anche se decidete di andare avanti con la vostra relazione, dovreste entrambi cercare di migliorarla e di costruire un rapporto più forte e più sano.
D'altra parte, se decidete di tagliare definitivamente i ponti con il vostro fantasma, dovreste affrontarlo per ripulire la vostra coscienza e ottenere la tanto necessaria chiusura.
It’s really important for both sides to get closure because you won’t be able to move on without it. You’ll both be left with emotional baggage that won’t allow you to move into a new relationship with someone else.
• Find the strength to close the ‘being ghosted’ chapter of your life
I know that being ghosted is the worst thing that your loved one can do to you. However, that’s why you need to give yourself time to heal and find the strength to leave it all behind and move the hell on.
Close all the doors for your ghost, and don’t let them come into your life ever again, no matter how hard they keep knocking.
Dovete chiudere questo capitolo della vostra vita per andare avanti. Ci sono tanti capitoli nel libro della vostra vita che aspettano di essere aperti. Ci sono tante belle storie che aspettano di essere scritte da voi.
• Look at it as a blessing in disguise
Look at it all as an incredibly important lesson God wanted to teach you. Because honestly, sometimes God wants you to experience hurtful things just to learn a lesson…
A lesson that will change your entire life, a lesson that you’ll remember forever.
In realtà dovreste essere grati al vostro fantasma, perché vi ha insegnato che non dovreste mai riaccogliere chi ha lasciato la vostra vita volontariamente e senza una buona ragione.
Don’t be angry at yourself because you let someone break your heart so many times. Be proud of yourself because you were so brave and endured it all.
Siate orgogliosi di voi stessi perché avete trovato la forza di andare avanti e di lasciare questa terribile esperienza nel passato.
Conclusione
In these modern days, with all these ‘modern relationships’ and online dating, etc., ghosting has become really popular. It’s just that with all the social media, dating apps, and so on, people have so many options to ignore someone.
Essere vittima di un fantasma fa un male cane. Non essere in grado di capire perché una persona ti ha abbandonato può essere piuttosto sconvolgente.
But the thing that fascinates most of us is why ghosters always come back. It’s pretty obvious that they don’t actually care for the other person, so what keeps them coming back?
Spero davvero che il mio elenco vi abbia aiutato a capire alcune delle loro ragioni e che vi abbia insegnato come affrontare questo tipo di persone e le loro indesiderate ricomparse nella vostra vita.
Francesca Hogi, esperta di relazioni di coppia con sede a New York, afferma; “Ghosting is contagious. Once it happens to you, it makes it more likely you’ll do it to someone else. It might be the easy choice at the moment, but it’s bad karma for you and everyone else.”
This is why it’s important to give yourself time to grieve and heal from being ghosted. You’re riding a real emotional rollercoaster here, and you should take time to process that ride peacefully because you may be nauseous from it.
However, the fact is that you’ll have to finish the ride sooner or later. You’ll have to end things with your ghost for good and leave them in your past… And this time, it needs to be forever.
