When we are with someone, we always think we’ll have forever with them. We are in that love bubble and want to stay there infinitely.
But, time is a tricky thing. You never know what it has in store for you. It passes more quickly than you think. All of a sudden, forever is not so endless. I was unaware that forever stopped that night.
If I knew it was our last kiss, I would kiss you harder. Just to have that moment forever. At least a moment to remember, when I couldn’t have you forever.
When you left my house that night, I didn’t know it was for good. When I finally realized what was happening, I couldn’t process it. I didn’t see it coming.
I fooled myself into thinking it is only temporary. You’ll come around. You’ll see how much I mean to you. You’ll miss me. You’ll miss our time, our laughs, our kisses…
But, you never did.
We had this thing we used to say to each other, “Hold me tight, never let me go”. It was like our own little daily mantra.
I sit here now remembering that, wondering what happened. I have so many unanswered questions. So many things left unsaid.
I have these conversations with you inside my head. I keep repeating, “How could you let me go? Did you say you never will? How?” Then, I burst into tears. In my head, like in real life, you never gave me answers.
I would never force you to stay. If you wanted to go, I would let you. I know love can’t be forced. You know I would never beg for your love. You know me. That’s why I don’t understand why you ended things this way.
You know you were my best friend and my lover. All of it in one person. I would come to you with everything.
You were my rock. You were my place to hide. Now, I have no place to hide. I have nobody to run to. I feel so alone. It’s just me and my memories.
I know they will fade away. Even though I am crushed now. I am choking on my own tears. I have to remind myself to breathe every day.
To take life as it comes, one step at a time. I want to block you from my mind, but it’s not something I can force. I have to give it time.
I know time will heal me. I know I’ll be OK. I’ll be perfect. It’s just—sometimes I am tired of waiting for time to take its course. For things to get better.
It will be everything but easy, and I am prepared for it. I forgave you. I let you go. I am not hoping you will come back.
We built a story together; it was an amazing one. That’s why it hurts so much. My feelings were real; I am sorry yours weren’t. I am sorry our story didn’t have a happy ending. I am sorry it ended.
Still, what I am most sorry for is that last kiss. I swear, if I had known it was our last kiss, I would have kissed you harder. It would have been my way of saying goodbye forever.
That’s the only thing I will never forgive you.
