Today, I decided to break free from you. I finally realized that you are not a man I deserve. I opened my eyes and saw what kind of man was next to me all this time.
In fact, I don’t want to call you a man. Instead I will call you a mistake because that is who you are.
And I was just one of those naïve girls who fell into your trap of lies.
I was one of those who loved you blindly.
I was the one who deserved everything but got nothing. And the only one who is guilty is you. YOU, YOU, YOU!
You made my life a living hell. I still remember how cheerful I was when we first started dating.
I was a fun girl with a sense of humor and self-esteem. I was always the soul of every party and a person people like to talk to. But then I met you.
I curse the day when I saw you and when I accepted your offer to go out.
Because on that day, my agony started. I was your prisoner for a long time. You tortured me with your mind games.
You did horrible things to me just to make me feel like crap while you smiled after turning your back. You enjoyed your victory full of my tears.
And I just wanted to love you.
I just wanted you to care. But that was too much for you. In fact, when I think twice, I actually see that you were jealous of me.
You were jealous of all the friends I had and of my successful life. You couldn’t stand to be with a strong person like me. You had the need to be superior in our relationship and you did it.
You played mind games with me, convincing me that you were the only person I needed to be truly happy.
You didn’t allow me to contact my family and friends because deep down, you were afraid that they would tell me how bad a person you were.
You broke my heart a million times. I was crying and begging you not to harm me but you didn’t listen.
You couldn’t swallow your pride and give me credit for being right even once.
You had to be the best! You had to be the most successful! You had to be so damn perfect!
And I was never good enough for you. I felt I was just a mediocre woman standing next to you and saying something only when you asked me something.
I didn’t have my self-esteem anymore. I thought I was the ugliest woman in the room and in fact, I was the most beautiful one.
But you made me feel that way. Just so you could feel good. So your ego would be boosted even more. All could see that you were the right deal.
But in all that mess you forgot one important thing—love. Do you treat someone you love the way you treated me?
Do you allow a woman you love to cry and spends sleepless nights thinking about all those nasty things you did to her? Do you really think that is a sign of love?
I don’t think so! That is not love, my dear, it is surviving. It is fighting for your own life, because you are not capable of letting things go.
I knew that I was abused, but I somehow thought that it will pass.
I thought that my love for you will heal you. I thought you were just going through a rough period of your life. Oh, how many excuses I made for you!
I can’t remember the number anymore, but I know it was more than you deserve. A life with you was a lesson I had to learn—for better days, for life to come.
I had to be stronger and I had to learn what love should never look like. And you were a magnificent teacher. I was your top student with the best grades ever.
I learned to cry until I fell asleep, thinking that I was not good enough. I learned not to trust to my friends when they told me how toxic you were.
I learned to make excuses for every crappy thing you did. I learned to offer you another cheek to hit me. Because, like you said—I deserved it all.
Every bad word, every slap, every sharp look from you.
You were so toxic that you got under my skin, eating me alive until there was nothing more to be eaten.
You killed the girl in me I used to be. Now, I am just a shell of that cheerful girl you saw at the beginning of our relationship.
I don’t recognize myself anymore. I am like a walking dead. So, let me ask you something: “Are you happy with what you see?
Are you satisfied with the woman I transformed into?” I bet you are, because seeing me in this state of mind is food for your soul—that dark and cold place where there is no love.
You know, maybe I am this way now but at least I figured out what you did to me. I realized that you are a toxic man and that I don’t need you in my life.
I deserve so much more and you can’t provide me with that. In fact, you can’t provide me with anything anymore. You know why? Because I am fucking done with you.
So, go ahead and live your life like you want to, but don’t seek me anymore. I am immune to your sweet talk and your lies.
I just hope that somewhere along the line, you will realize that you did a bad thing. And I know that karma is a bitch, so it will give you a full dose of what you deserve.
No more, no less but an equal amount of pain. I just want you to feel all that I felt when I was with you.
And this time, I hope you will learn a lesson because I know I learned mine. And guess what? I am not your prisoner anymore!