Once you get to a point in your relationship where you have to ask yourself, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” you will be torn between what you feel and what you know.
You will be lost in your thoughts, but you will know deep down that the time has come to do something because things went terribly wrong and it’s time to somehow fix them or leave for good.
To an ordinary bystander, a friend, or family member, things may seem simple.
They can look objectively at your situation and say that a breakup is the best thing to do.
You, on the other hand, are too close, too attached, and feelings overwhelm you.
Breaking up is the hardest choice to make. It’s like you are breaking your own heart by leaving.
Sadly, sometimes the decisions that scare you are the best ones to make.
They are the ones that make you grow into the person you were always meant to be because nobody is holding you back.
They make you evolve into a life with which you are more satisfied.
Sometimes we do more damage by holding on to a person, situation, or relationship that we know deep down isn’t right for us than we would by letting go.
Still, you’re afraid you’ll make a mistake, that things could change if you held on just a while longer and you just don’t know what to do.
To help you answer the question, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” we decided to make a difficult situation a bit easier and relieve you of all doubts by providing you with 21 red flags that say you should:
Happiness became an unknown concept in your relationship
Not being happy in your relationship is reason enough to end the relationship.
Surely, people in healthy relationships are not happy 24/7; they have their off days, days that they argue and can’t stand each other.
The thing is, they work it out quickly; they talk things through and compromise.
Most importantly, bad days never outweigh the good ones. There are always more positive things than negative ones.
All in all, you have to look rationally at your situation, determine if you spend more time stressing, worrying, and crying over the things your partner does than feeling safe, comfortable, relaxed, and cheerful.
Your intuition is screaming to let go
No matter how much we would want things to work out, how much time and effort we invested in a certain relationship, how many sunshiny days we spent with someone, if your intuition is screaming that he is not the one, break up with your boyfriend without thinking twice.
He is clearly not the person you see yourself growing gray and old with.
The life you are living with him is not the life you want for yourself.
Something is just not adding up and that little voice inside of you is telling you that he is not your soulmate. Trust that voice – it’s hardly ever wrong.
You are in a dead-end street in your relationship
If you’ve already tried the impossible to make your relationship work and you just found yourself in a dead end street, you will figure out that you are not going anywhere.
What you need to ask yourself here is, “Is there anything still worth saving between my boyfriend and me?”
Be brutally honest with yourself. If there is nothing to be saved, don’t waste your time or emotions.
Sometimes things get broken so badly that they can’t be fixed.
You can’t come up with any solution to your problems and that kind of leaves you without any other choice.
You feel worse about yourself (and your partner has everything to do with it)
Does your partner make you feel like you are not good enough? Does he prey on your weaknesses and make them worse?
Does he disguise his insults as jokes?
If the answer is yes, you should run for the hills.
Your relationship should empower you and make you feel stronger and more confident than ever, not bring you down and fill you with self-doubt.
He is trying to make you smaller to make himself feel bigger.
This is one of the signs you might be dealing with a narcissist or toxic sociopath. The longer you stay, the worse it will become.
So get out of that relationship ASAP.
The people who love you support your decision to break up
As I said in the introductory part, your friends and family members have an objective view of your relationship.
They don’t have the same feelings for your partner as you do and they can see him more clearly.
Think about it, if more than one person tells you the same thing, that is one major red flag right there.
They have your best interests at heart, they want you to be happy, and they know you will never be if you stay with him.
Listen to what they have to say and try to reason with your brain instead of your heart.
Feelings can cloud your judgment and make you put up with things that you normally wouldn’t.
You would advise someone in the same relationship situation as you to break up
Pretend you are listening to your best friend tell you on and on about the things you are actually going through with your partner.
Would you advise them to stay or go?
Once you answer this, you will answer the question that doesn’t leave you be: “Should I break up with my boyfriend?
There is no room for buts and what-ifs.
If you think your situation is unhealthy or deprived of love and you wouldn’t wish it for anybody else, don’t wish it on yourself either.
You deserve a healthy, happy, and normal relationship as well as anybody else.
Your partner is emotionally unstable
Paranoid behavior, constant mood swings, poor anger management, defensiveness, selfishness, etc. are just some of many indicators that you are dealing with an emotionally unstable individual.
This shouldn’t be your burden to carry, and his emotional state will affect yours.
No matter how strong and positive you are, his negativity will pull you into darkness.
You might want to help him or encourage him to get help, but unless he himself sees that he has a problem he needs to deal with, you are powerless here.
Your partner is an addict
It doesn’t matter if he is an alcoholic, drug addict, or gambler, the answer is always the same: break up with him and sever all ties.
It’s not easy for an addict to change his ways, and like with any problem, he first has to be aware of it and be willing to fix it.
More often than not, addicts are neither until they hit rock bottom and you don’t want to stick around and witness that.
Nothing good will ever come from him. He will drain you emotionally, physically, and financially.
Your partner is the epitome of lazy
Laziness can really become an issue in your relationship, especially when your partner can’t hold on to a job for very long or refuses to work altogether.
You won’t just feel like a provider financially but all the emotional investments will come from your side, which will be more and more difficult as your relationship progresses.
While you would do just about anything to make him happy, he wouldn’t lift his little finger for you.
Lazy people are usually self-absorbed and always on the lookout for new ways to avoid doing anything.
You are unable to communicate with each other
It seems like your relationship is full of misunderstandings, debates, and arguments.
You just don’t see eye-to-eye and, instead of being in a healthy and loving relationship, you are spending your time on a battlefield.
It’s time you admit to yourself that you are not compatible with your partner and that, no matter how much you care for him, this relationship is not something you have been dreaming of for the better part of your life.
You daydream about someone or something else
When everything is going south in your relationship, you start to look for the answers outside of it.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are actually going to cheat on your partner, but you will inevitably try to find an escape from the entire situation in your daydreams.
This is a major red flag and your subconscious is telling you that you are not where you want to be or who you want to be with.
Real love is when your reality is better than anything you could ever dream of and there is no need to escape anywhere.
Your partner is emotionally or physically abusive
Leave, and do it now. This goes without saying, but still, it’s important to stress that any form of abuse is unacceptable.
There are no excuses for it and it should never be tolerated.
The thing with emotional abuse is that it’s harder to recognize.
Most people don’t even realize it until it’s too late and they are emotionally drained. Still, as soon as you become aware of it, don’t think twice.
Don’t try to change things; break up with him and never look back.
He is incapable of loving anybody but himself
He is in love with himself, and only interested in things that you can do for him.
He does everything at his own convenience and makes sure that his needs are met.
The truth is he loves the fact that you love him and bend over backward to make him happy, but he never actually shows that he feels the same about you.
It’s all about him and he will never work on a relationship with you. Everything will be one-sided.
Basically, he shows signs of narcissistic behavior and he is messing with your mind and your feelings.
The longer you stay with an individual like this, the more broken you’ll be.
He knows how to push your buttons – it’s his favorite pastime
There are men out there who love to argue for the sake of arguing.
They will provoke a fight by tapping to subjects that will get their partner all worked up and upset.
They will repeat behaviors that their partner finds offensive and disrespectful.
Does any of it ring a bell?
If you spend more time fighting with your boyfriend than you do in harmony, you are in the wrong relationship.
An occasional argument here and there is normal and even welcome, but constant fights are just an indicator that you are not compatible and that he is wrong for you.
He is s cheapskate
He wouldn’t dream of paying for a meal, coffee, groceries, or anything, but he has no problem with you paying for all.
He will split expenses every now and then, but he will try not to spend anything.
Being with someone who is so stingy is exhausting. He will not only drain you financially, but also mentally.
Remember relationships are for two equals. You shouldn’t be the one supporting his ass; you are in this together.
You don’t want the same things in life
You want kids and he can never picture himself being a father.
You want mariage down the line and he doesn’t believe in the whole institution of marriage.
You want to live in the city and he prefers suburbs or vice versa.
The fact of the matter is, you don’t imagine your future together in the same way; you don’t want the same things.
Your paths will inevitably part at some point or one of you will have to make peace with living a life you don’t want for the sake of love, which is never a good option because sooner or later you will resent the other person.
Isn’t it better to go your separate ways sooner rather than later?
You feel like you are settling
You are unsure if he is your soulmate. You keep comparing the positives and the negatives and you just can’t tell.
Let me break it down for you: if he is your soulmate, there will be no doubt in your mind and you will just know.
Don’t settle for less than real love just because “it’s time” or your biological clock is ticking.
You won’t be late for anything unless you stay with the wrong person.
Your sex life is already “meh”
Sure, sex is not the most important thing in the relationship, but it’s one of its integral parts. That’s why it should never be mediocre.
If there is no passion between you and your partner, you don’t have to ask yourself, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?”
You should ask yourself, “Should I say goodbye to my friend?”
Because at the end of the day, without passion, you are just a couple of good friends hanging out and cohabitating – nothing more.
He is extremely jealous
If your partner is jealous, you probably already feel like you are caged.
He doesn’t like you going out with your friends or anywhere without him. He is jealous of the guys you work with.
He checks your phone to look for the signs of cheating, etc.
There is no peace nor trust in your relationship.
Jealousy can be dangerous and, when taken to extremes, turn into possessiveness and control.
Don’t allow it to go that far; get out as soon as you can.
He guilt trips you
Have you ever been in a situation with your partner where you had to apologize for things you hadn’t done?
Have you developed a habit of taking the blame for everything in your relationship?
These are all red flag signs saying that he is a master manipulator.
He can’t do anything wrong, so naturally, he puts the blame on you.
The sooner you realize that he isn’t as perfect as he pretends to be and that he is manipulating you, the happier you will be.
The man who can’t own up to his mistakes can be extremely dangerous for your mental health.
He is judgemental and nit-picky
It seems like you can’t do anything right. He is on your case non-stop and he closely monitors your every move.
He criticizes the clothes you wear, people you hang out with, your decisions, your work – even the way you breathe.
It seems like nothing you do is ever good enough.
He makes you doubt your decisions and your ability to live your life on your own two feet. He is slowly but surely ruining your self-esteem.
All that aside, your head is full of his words and spending time with him is as far away from fun as it can be.
He is annoying you big time, and he will continue to do so for as long as you let him. Need I say more?
There are a few more reasons that could make you reconsider your relationship.
For instance, if he is an immature mama’s boy, irresponsible, takes you for granted, cheats, lies, etc., but they are pretty much obvious.
There is one crucial thing in all of this, though. If you have to ask, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” you already know the answer deep down.
Your relationship lacks something and you feel it in your bones.
Don’t settle for anything less than real love and a boyfriend who respects you, loves you, and invests in the relationship as much as you do.