I remember my Christmas letters to Santa when I was a child; the whole list was about toys and candy. As I was getting older, I wanted more expensive things, like a new phone or those perfect shoes I’d been dreaming about for months. Now, I want things that have nothing to do with anything material.

I think when you finally grow up, you can finally realize what life is all about. You realize what is truly important. Your wish list looks completely different.

This year wasn’t so good for me. I have fallen so many times and I am admiring myself at this moment just because I was able to get back up. I am proud of my own strength, I didn’t know I had it in me. That’s why this Christmas season is super-important to me. It gives me a certain sense of peace. It makes me dream again. It makes me make wishes again.

This is what I am wishing for this Christmas.

1. I wish for health and happiness for all my family and friends.

I realized that we really take health for granted. We don’t pay much attention to it until something bad happens to somebody close to us. So, I want for the people close to my heart to be healthy and safe. I think that’s most important.

2. I wish I could be done with everyone who is toxic in my life.

There have been a few of them. They exhausted my energy, they drained my emotions and I realized it when it was already too late. They used my goodness against me. I don’t want them in my life anymore. I want to be able to forgive those who did me wrong, but I don’t want to forget and let them back in my life. I want to let go of all the toxic people in my life.

This Christmas, All I Want Are Things That Money Can’t Buy

3. I want to let go of everything that wasn’t meant for me.

I had a hard time letting go of people, even those who weren’t good for me. Even those who made me cry more times than I can count. I want to change that. I wish I could let go more easily. I want to let go of the people who have no problem letting go of me. I want to find a way to make peace with the fact that everything I wished for at one point wasn’t good for me.

4. I wish to be brave enough to follow my dreams.

I always dreaded the things I wanted the most. They always scared me, so even if I started moving toward some goal I had planned, I would give up before I even had a chance to truly start. Now it’s time that I take risks and boldly follow my dreams to wherever they may take me.

5. I wish that there would be more happy moments than those sad ones.

I know that bad things happen too and that they usually can’t be avoided, but I want for all the good things to thrive above them. I wish that all the bad would be a light breeze and all the good as nice and warm as a long summer’s day.

6. I wish to live my life to the fullest.

I want to do things I’ve never done before but always wanted to. I want to test my limits and find new things that excite me.

7. I wish to learn how to love myself.

Somewhere along the way, I lost myself in other people. I just kept on giving and I would be left empty because nothing was coming back. This Christmas and being with family reminded me that I am loved, that I was blind to people who are really investing in me, giving themselves to me and loving me. It reminded me that I have to love myself the way I love others, that I have to invest the same efforts in myself. That I am worthy of my own love.

8. I wish for the kind of love that stays.

After all the disappointments and all the messy love stories, I want the love that stays. That will be with me through the good and the bad. Love that is genuine, honest and true. Love that hugs you goodnight and kisses you good morning. I know it’s out there but I wish that it will find me soon.