You are waking up every morning, trying so hard not to think of her. She is the first damn thought that you start your day with.
And it keeps track with you all the time. You can’t get rid of her. Your effort to erase her from your heart is in vain. She is still in your heart, in your veins. And that’s why you hate to wake up from your dreams and face the harsh reality. You don’t have her anymore.
Even if she was the best person in your life, you let her go. You hate loving her still and above all, you hate the fact that she doesn’t care for you anymore. You hate so many things but most of all, you hate not getting over her in these couple of months.
She wasn’t your choice, and I am afraid you won’t be hers if she ever has the chance to decide.
The two of you could have had everything but the problem was that you wanted the same things in different times. Your life schedules never matched and that’s why you couldn’t function. You didn’t want to go an extra mile to make her happy even if she did everything to make you the happiest man on earth. You were selfish. You were a coward and now you pay a high price for your acts.
You left her even if she was the only light spot in your life. You lost the excitement of every moment with her and that big desire for life that she was transferring to you. You lost a person who pushed you up when life gave you slaps. Over and over again. You lost the security your relationship with her provided you.
Her big heart and unconditional love is something you can’t find in other girls. You lost her warmth, love, support, and strength that she was sharing with you every single day. You lost a girl who wanted to be there for better or worse, the one who was sticking to you in your moments of sorrow. And all she wanted was a little love and respect.
You will never touch her again. She will never look at you with that puppy look and sit at your feet while telling you a hilarious joke. You will never see that beauty she entered into your life every time you saw her. You lost a woman to love. The one who was worth the wait. The one who made you proud by her actions.
You will never be able to explore the world through her bright crystal eyes. You lost her incredible but hidden way of loving you beneath your skin. You lost the wings only she can give you and the ability to be uncensored self. She will never care so deeply about you. She will never tell you jokes in bed while the rest of the world is asleep.
She will never put a smile on your face again and above all, she will never let you come near her. Because, she has been hurt. And it hurts like hell to be abandoned when you were living for your partner all the time. That is something she will never forgive you for.
You left her even if she was the only one who understood you, the only one who put up with your crap, and even if you told her to leave, she was always coming back. You don’t own her anymore and you never will. She started thinking with common sense and figured out that you are a jerk who can’t love her.
Even if she was always there for you, you weren’t there for her. And she was sick and tired of crying every day.
If you ever wonder if she forgot about you I will tell you the truth—she didn’t. She just realized that there is nothing to mourn about. She couldn’t lose you because she never had you.
But the truth is that she misses you. At late nights when she is totally alone and when all the burden of her life comes to her chest, she thinks of you.
And every time she repeats the same sentence: “My dear, one day someone will thank YOU for letting me go!”