Have you ever heard about the term ‘love bombing’? To put it simply, it is one of the techniques narcissists use to get to their victims in a way in which they literally bomb you with all of their love right at the beginning of your relationship and then take it all away from you, once they see that you are hooked.
When you first meet a love bomber, you think that he is the man of your dreams. Finally, you’ve met someone who isn’t afraid of expressing his true emotions and someone who is anything but a commitment-phobe.
This man gives you all the attention you need and he makes sure you feel the depth of his love at all times. He doesn’t make you question his intentions, doesn’t play hard to get and he obviously doesn’t enjoy the chase. Instead, he plays his cards openly and it is more than clear that he is crazy about you.
And then all of a sudden, the one who you thought was your Mr. Perfect changes. He becomes distant and mysterious or he walks away from you, without saying a word.
You wonder what happened. Did you do something wrong to chase him away? Did he lose interest all of a sudden? Was it all an act?
Well, if any of this is familiar to you, then you’ve definitely dealt with narcissistic love bombing. And here is everything you need to know about it.
1. Almost all narcissists are love bombers
If you are looking for a sign to help you spot a narcissistic manipulator, this is it. Studies show that one of the most common characteristics of all narcissists is this love bombing.
It is actually quite simple—all narcissists have trouble with their self-esteem level, even though they want things to be perceived differently. They are the ones who constantly struggle with insecurities while trying to present themselves as the most confident people out there.
And one of their ways of boosting their ego and coping with their self-esteem problems is searching for confirmation from others. The truth which all narcissists desperately want to hide from the world and from themselves is that they don’t love themselves.
That is why a narcissist has the need for the object of his affection to admire him at all times. They want to feel loved and accepted and they are convinced that the only way to do so is to please this person in every possible way. Once they see that they’ve managed to win their victim over and once they see that this person is crazy over them, their sense of self-worth improves.
2. It is a narcissist’s way to control you
Even though you might assume that raising their confidence level is the primary reason why almost all narcissists use love bombing, the truth is quite different. Narcissists actually use this technique as a form of manipulating their victims and making them emotionally dependent on them.
A narcissist will do his best to make you get used to him giving you all of this love and the attention you’ve been getting. They will make you addicted to the feeling of someone treating you with such care and appreciation.
And once they see that you are hooked, that is when they pull back. Obviously, this is when you are ready to do whatever it takes just to get this feeling back. This is when you would give anything just to get one more dose of their love.
And this is when a narcissist starts to play with you, knowing that they’ve reached their goal and knowing that they have control over you. Because that was their initial plan all along.
3. It is anything but true love
When a narcissist starts with his love bombing, it is perfectly natural for you to think that this is the real deal. You couldn’t be happier because after all of those heartbreaks, you’ve finally found a man who treats you right, a man who thinks of you as the center of his universe and a man who loves you unconditionally.
And even when this initial excitement goes and when a narcissist shows you his true colors, you still think that all of his emotions from the beginning of the relationship were real. And all you want is for things to go back they used to be, thinking that that was how true love should look and make you feel.
This is why it’s important for you to understand that this was all nothing but a manipulation, as much as something like this is never easy to accept. You have to force yourself to not subconsciously search for this kind of love in every other man you meet because this isn’t healthy and it was anything but true love.
4. A narcissist is very well aware of what he is doing
Another thing you need to know about love bombing is that narcissists do it knowingly. Don’t try to justify them by thinking that they couldn’t control the intensity of their emotions and don’t lie to yourself by thinking that they really were head over heels for you when they acted the way they did.
I know you don’t want to hear this but this was a part of the narcissist’s plan all along and he didn’t do any of these things unaware. Instead, he thought through every step just to make you a victim of his manipulation and to make you hooked on him.
So please, don’t blame yourself for falling into his trap because none of this is your fault.
5. The only way to deal with it is to walk away
Finally, if you are dealing with someone who has used love bombing on you, you have to know that this is not the person you can eventually come to terms with. This is not someone who will change his ways, even if he promises and swears to do so, simply because being a manipulator is who he is.
Therefore, the only way to break a narcissist’s spell is to walk away as soon as possible, as much as it might hurt you. You need to be strong enough to cut all ties with this person because this is the only way to your salvation.
A teacher. A dreamer. A writer. A woman who’s been through all of the things you are going through. A woman who’s learned on her mistakes and whose advice you can trust. A woman who is trying to find her place under the stars. A woman just like you.