Have you ever been involved with a narcissist? If you have, sadly you know all about their characteristics and the way they work.
You know that every narcissist has a way of dragging you into their endless circle of manipulation and emotional abuse. And once you enter this circle and once they see they have power over you, it is hard to get out and to break free from narcissistic abuse.
The thing about narcissists is that they seem completely normal, reassuring and charming in the beginning stages of getting to know them.
They are cool, calm and collected and always have a way with words. They are smooth, gallant and attentive.
They slowly get you to put your guard down, bare your soul and trust them to the fullest extent and just when you think they couldn’t be more amazing, they reveal their true self.
Narcissists are the most dangerous creatures on earth. They win you over with lies and manipulation, only to rob you of your independence and confidence.
Narcissists carefully choose their victims. They typically aim to find people who seem nice, kind and reasonable and who are happy to please.
They need somebody who doesn’t believe that people can be that evil and toxic without an apparent reason.
They need a person who believes that there is good in everyone, because that is the only kind of person they can trick to their pleasing.
Most people find it hard to recognize, and later on break free from, their narcissist’s spell and let me tell you… it’s hard beyond measure.
But it doesn’t mean it is impossible. And I am living proof of that.
After years spent as a narcissist’s victim, I finally managed to find a way to break free from his abuse. And here is how I did it.
One of the first things I had to do if I planned on breaking my narcissist’s spell was to detach myself completely from him.
Of course, you need to move away from this person physically but what is even more important is to detach yourself mentally and emotionally from him.
Moving away from this guy meant cutting all ties with him and breaking all contact with him. It meant that I had to find the strength to end all possible interactions with this man and everyone connected to him.
But when it came to psychological detachment, it meant forcing myself not to think about him. It meant that I had to stop trying to find reasons for what he did to me. That I had to stop rewinding in my mind everything that went on and why things turned out the way they did.
I’m not going to lie and say it was an easy task. It was an extremely challenging thing I went through and I had to get myself to truly stop caring in order to stop thinking about him and his actions.
Breaking a narcissist’s spell depends on your ability to accept that sometimes you simply won’t get your closure.
You won’t get a reason for why you had to go through all that torture and you’ll simply need to embrace and accept that and move on, clearing your mind of him.
That is what I did and with time, it stopped being as hard as it was in the beginning and he just became nothing but a distant memory that I barely thought of anymore.
2. Anger management
If you’ve ever been involved with someone toxic, you know how their actions and words can make you angry and bitter.
But if you allow these negative emotions to consume you, you are only becoming just like the person you are trying to run away from.
This is why I knew I had to find a way to manage my anger. I realized that my narcissist actually wanted me to get frustrated because that was a sign that I was losing control over myself, which automatically gave him power over me.
So whenever my narcissist did his best to get to me, I did my best to show him that he didn’t bother me.
Narcissists count on you to lose your wits and succumb to anger and frustration. They feed off your crisis and aim to prolong it because that is what gives them life and reason to continue with their malicious efforts.
But when you stop yourself in time and realize that is exactly what he wants, you’ll find it in yourself to not give in to temptation and you will stay cool, calm and collected.
It is going to be such sweet revenge, trust me. When your narcissist sees that he can no longer have that enormous effect on you, he is going to realize you’re no longer under his spell.
And this is where you get your first win over him.
One of the things that helped me the most in the process of breaking my narcissist’s spell was accepting him for who he was. And accepting that he was not the man I wanted or needed in my life.
After years of trying to get to the bottom of this guy and trying to understand the reasons behind his actions, I accepted that he was not mysterious—he was just a jerk. And there was nothing I could have done about it.
I stopped trying to look for this man’s good sides and holding on to them. I stopped finding excuses for him and I stopped trying to justify his behavior.
I accepted that he’d never change and that I couldn’t save him, as much as I’d been trying to do so. And it brought me liberation.
Many of us are guilty of lying to ourselves and finding an abundance of excuses in order to keep them in our life.
But to what end? How much is too much? How long are you going to keep feeling like shit?
When you ask yourself that, you realize that until you put a limit on how much you’re going to keep taking this, it’s never going to get better.
Accept him for the sociopath that he is and run away from him. That is the only way to break free from his spell.
4. Trusting myself
One of a narcissist’s ways to have power over his victim is to make you doubt your own sanity. He will gaslight you, make you question your every move and make you wonder if your perception of reality is indeed true.
So when I decided it was time to walk away from this man, I had to learn to trust myself again. At first, I was writing down events and our dialogues so he couldn’t later twist and change what really happened.
For a while, I kept telling myself that I wasn’t crazy and that I wasn’t imagining things. I had to convince myself that I knew how to express myself—he was just deliberately choosing to misinterpret my words, actions and feelings so he could manipulate me more easily.
And when I realized that I was the sane one and that nothing he said could change what actually transpired between us, I gained back my control and I no longer sought his approval and asked for his validation.
I trust myself and my sanity and he could no longer compromise that. This is what drove him absolutely mad.
Without control and power over you, they are nothing but an insecure shell of a human being.
5. Regaining control
Every narcissist’s ultimate and final intention is to have complete emotional and psychological control over their victim. And my narcissist was no different.
That is why I had to regain control over my life if I wanted to discard this manipulator. I knew I had to show him that I was in charge of myself and that he couldn’t do anything about it.
The truth is that it took me a long time before I really regained control but the point was to show him that he couldn’t affect me anymore. The point was to prove to him that he didn’t have any impact on me anymore.
That is exactly the way to hurt a narcissist and what makes him lose his interest in abusing you any further and that is the thing that chased my narcissist away.
Take your life back into your own hands and do not let a manipulative narcissist dictate your way of life. Do not let him control your thought process and deny him entry into your mind.
You are a strong, badass woman who can chase this sociopath away and break his spell. All you need is a little perseverance and a good support system.
Chase that fucker away and never let him back into your life again.