In a world where love terms are popping up like crazy, it’s hard to keep track of every single one. Some of us have barely gotten used to the ‘love bombing’ term, and now it’s time to get familiar with ‘ghosting’.
The dating world has become so messed up that we frequently do not even recognize love bombing because we initially tend to amplify certain things out of great excitement.
Although, at first, it may seem that love bombing is not bad, statistics say otherwise. You probably know at least one person who was love-bombed then ghosted.
What are the warning signs of a love bomber? How to deal with ghosting after love bombing? Stick to this article to know the details.
Being Love Bombed Then Ghosted – How It Works?
Love bombing became such a frequent term, especially among the younger population. Those of you who are old school may wonder: what is love bombing?
Love bombing denotes someone basically bombing you with love, affection and delight. So, how do we get in a situation to be love bombed then ghosted and is it considered a manipulation tactic?
For example, you meet someone and instantly click with them right from the start. Everything is good at the early stage. You might think maybe too good?
Next week, however, they don’t respond to your text messages, are rarely active, and nothing looks as fabulous as it was at the beginning. This is known as ghosting.
How can someone express so much infatuation in one moment and another disappear off the face of the earth? What triggers such decisions? Are you the issue?
There are countless speculative theories concerning the psychology involved.
Psychology behind love bombing
Reasons and the psychology behind love bombing can only be guessed. Sometimes even the love bombers themselves don’t know why they do it.
One day it’s all flowers and butterflies, the next day they delete your phone number? Any intention behind this act cannot be good.
The psychological base of this over-the-top loving is built up on narcissism, problems in past relationships and setting the wrong definition of true values.
Sometimes, behind all that “love bombing” and the consequent “ghosting” is a person who isn’t ready for serious things, insecure about everything they do and in love with the idea of someone suffering because of them.
Psychology behind ghosting
Ok. People love bomb you. But what’s with ghosting? What triggers this act?
Psychologists and relationship specialists concur that individuals who ghost do so to avoid uncomfortable circumstances.
While it may seem as though they don’t care, they frequently do this out of a sense that it will help them deal with their own anxiety or inability to express themselves adequately.
Being ghosted has nothing to do with your worth or ability. It shouldn’t weaken your will either. They lacked the courage to do what was right and tell you why they were no longer able to be in a relationship with you.
See also: Ghosting After First Date: Why It Happens And How To Handle It
8 Obvious Signs That You Are Being Love Bombed
It can be very damaging to find out that your potential partner is actually a love bomber.
Better to be safe than sorry and to be aware of the classic warning flags of a love bomber at the beginning, than later if the ghosting happens.
Here are some signs so you can recognize them on the first date!
1. Online dating – a big indicator
Love bombing became famous due to the invention of different social media, such as Tinder and TikTok.
TikTok definitely brought love bombing into the public spotlight, and many people became aware of the manipulation behind this act.
Tinder, on the contrary, like any other dating app, provides the freedom to get in touch with any person. Usually, those are persons with whom we have nothing in common.
There is no shared past, no mutual friends, or events you need to attend together. Therefore, nothing binds you to the person you meet on this network, and you don’t feel obligated to make it work.
A future ghoster might take advantage of this! This makes an excellent base for the ghoster to just disappear the moment they get what they want from you.
2. The power of compliments
Compliments are every narcissist’s most excellent tool. How so?
Without false modesty, each of us appreciates compliments. They make us feel more desired, loved, and special. If the compliments are said in an exaggerated manner, we eventually lose touch with reality.
We will start to think that we don’t have any flaws and convince ourselves that we always do the right thing. We will love the feeling they give us and protect that cultivated atmosphere of appreciation at all costs!
At this stage, they probably have the majority of power over you. Why? Because you love the feeling! You love the feeling of being appreciated, being at the center of attention, and being showered with compliments.
When you get too attached to all those compliments, they will start breadcrumbing you with everything – attention, compliments, love. This is alarming, as it is one of the traits when it comes to narcissistic personality disorder.
Red flag alert! They will manipulate you with this breadcrumbing to get what they want.
3. 3 Days of knowing each other – already an ‘‘I love you’’?
New relationships can sometimes be challenging… To know and adapt to the natural rhythm of the other person is a tough thing to do.
At which point is it okay to confess feelings? What is considered the right time to do so?
‘‘I love you’’ and all other indirect ways of saying these words are weapons every love bomber uses.
Not only do they use those heavy words too early. They may say ‘‘I love you’’, but there are plenty of other ways they might subconsciously let you know. Those indirect ways sound like:
• You are my soulmate,
• I could look at you for ages,
• You are my dream come true,
• With you in it, my life is so much better,
• We have identical vibes.
These sentences are a prelude to further ghosting.
If they used these or similar sentences, it might be difficult not to feel fooled, humiliated and down. Just keep in mind, it’s not about you, it’s about them!
4. Second dinner – they already plan a future with you
Planning the future is a common thing among partners. It helps you see if you and your partner are compatible and what your life perspectives are. This can also mean they have a huge interest in you.
On the other hand, how early that planning begins may indicate that you are love bombed.
Imagine you are sitting at your second dinner together and they start with the classic talk about meeting their friends, some trips far away, having tea with their mother…
These things, further on, turn into talking about renting an apartment together, marriage, having kids etc.
Some of us may think those are obvious signs of a future ghoster. But, we are often blinded by the great excitement at the beginning, so we cannot see the clear picture.
This future faking is a classic example of narcissistic behavior. Future faking will act as a drug on you. You will enjoy every little promise they make.
These promises are doomed to failure since the narcissist’s ultimate goal is only to manipulate you into doing something they want.
Once the ghosting happens, you might become a person who will not open up to anyone again and plan the future. And all of this because you feel betrayed and powerless.
People love gifts! People love small gifts, those acts that say someone is listening to them. It is these facts that love bombers take advantage of.
By giving gifts, we make people feel appreciated and loved. As a result, people become considerably more open to disclosing their flaws, talents, preferences, and vulnerable side.
In all that ecstasy, you may reveal some information that the love bomber might use further on. They will use it to manipulate you, to control you and make you do acts they may benefit from, such as sex, attention or maybe you cooking for them?
The second they ghost you, you might think that all of these gifts were just a shortcut to what they really wanted.
You might think that none of these gifts had sentimental value. They remembered all those small details about you in order to buy you gifts that will warm your eyes..
6. No respect for your privacy and boundaries
Setting boundaries is crucial in every relationship. In the early stages, it is hard to distinguish what is and what isn’t boundary crossing as we don’t know the person very well.
That’s why it is important to go easy and take baby steps. People who love bomb are not familiar with that or they simply ignore that fact.
Boundary-violating behavior can manifest in a variety of ways:
• They follow you around all the time,
• They want to know where you are,
• They try to restrict the things you want to do,
• They don’t respect your alone time.
Alternatively, they may try to persuade you to ignore other people in your life so that you may spend more time with them.
This can also be a huge problem as it can affect your mental health and by no means is it considered a good sign.
7. Need for all day long communication
Yes, communication is key! But demand from a person to be online 24/7 and to keep track of their every step is not just a sign of a controlling love bomber, but also a psychopath.
I know, constant communication is also a sign that a person is interested in us. However, be wide awake to differentiate between a big interest and a controlling person!
Not responding to messages after 24/7 communication is directly proportional to a decrease in self-confidence. Meaning that ghosting will probably affect your confidence as you will always try to find the problem in yourself.
8. Exploiting your insecurities
Love bombers will always find a way to dive into the depths of your personality and find there the foundations of your low self-esteem.
On those very foundations, they will begin to build the perfect house of your own insecurities. This is the final step of their play.
All the things you said to them when feeling loved and appreciated, all those problems and worries you said when feeling safe and comfortable with them, will become their weapons.
All those words of appreciation, gift giving, revealing your attachment style, the future faking just so they can exploit your insecurities now.
They take advantage of everyone’s innate need for self-worth and exploit it by converting it into regret and humiliation.
How To Deal With A Love Bomber?
Genuine romance and a perfect match are based on respect and appreciation for one another. Love bombing, on the contrary, often makes you feel ill at ease. Also, be prepared for gaslighting the minute you stand up to them.
How to stand up can be summarized into:
1. Everything that seems too good to be true, probably is
Make sure to set the right boundaries. If you like the person back, but you feel like there is too much commitment from the start, try to tell him in a nice way to reduce the compliments and attention.
2. Know your own insecurities
Even though you love the feeling they give you, you should be aware of your insecurities.
Maybe it is best for you not to engage in a relationship with someone who shows obvious signs of love bombing. You should not take the risk as those narcissists always find a way to manipulate you.
How to Recover After Being Ghosted
It’s hard but, fortunately, it’s not impossible to recover after being ghosted by someone you deeply care for. You’ll need time, that is for sure, but these tips below may help you recover and move on faster.
1. Don’t blame it on you
It might be difficult to avoid feeling sorrow, embarrassment, and shame if someone abruptly vanishes.
You invested all parts of yourself in this relationship, and it simply backfired. You are probably questioning your every word and move…My advice is to stop with that questioning.
Even though ghosting seems so personal, please keep in mind that it’s never your fault.
They manipulated you with compliments and got what they wanted, and now they don’t have the courage to approach the problem maturely.
2. Self-care
Self-care is a great way to get over the pain of ghosting. Focus on yourself.
Find what fulfills you and enjoy it whether it is hanging out with family, with friends, skin care, hiking etc.
Make sure to rephrase your thoughts about the ghoster and your connection. They did, after all, break the rules of what constitutes a mature, healthy partnership.
That includes consideration, effective communication, and respect for one another. So, in any case, this wasn’t the right match for you after all.
Did You Find Yourself In The Article?
While you were reading this article, you probably thought of love bomber as toxic and bad people. But when you think about it further, every one of us in some way a love bomber.
Have you ever become upset and defensive when a partner sets boundaries with you?
Have you ever given compliments in an effort to receive them back?
When things become too serious, you just figured out that this person wasn’t a match? So you decided it is best to ghost them and not to spend hours and effort explaining that this isn’t what you expected?
The point of this story is not to rush things and keep in mind that everybody is just a human with feelings. Do not do to others what you don’t want to be done to you.
FAQs
Is love bombing a good sign?
Most often, no, it’s not. Love bombing is usually used as a form of manipulation so that the love bomber can get from you what they want.
How long does the love bombing stage usually last?
Based on hearsay, somewhere between 3 weeks and 6 months. However, this data varies depending on what the love bomber truly wants from you.
Final Thoughts
So, were you love bombed then ghosted? Sadly, this process has become a common practice in dating nowadays. Anyone behind such acts is most likely a narcissist with distorted self-esteem.
If you ever run into a love bomber, bare in mind that every single one has the same characteristic pattern.
How do you know this pattern? Some obvious signs of love bombing include giving compliments and gifts, seeking constant communication and exploiting your insecurities.
If you are lucky enough and catch the love bomber, the next thing is to know how to treat them properly.
The first adrenaline and exhilaration of meeting someone you instantly bond with have blinded me countless times. I couldn’t see that I was dealing with a love bomber.
Fortunately, I’ve learned my lesson and got familiar with the characteristic pattern. To avoid any other disappointments in the future, my advice is to follow my example!
