Does the idea of falling in love terrify you to the point where you feel like you are about to have a panic attack just by thinking about giving your heart away to someone? Does the idea of a committed, romantic relationship make you feel trapped or stuck? Do you run away from any emotions toward the opposite sex and you can’t imagine yourself sharing your life with another person?
If some of these symptoms sound familiar, you’ve come to the right place because it is possible you have a condition called philophobia. To put it simply, philophobia is the fear of falling in love and it is more common and usual than you might think.
We’ve talked to some people who suffer from philophobia and here are the symptoms most of them mentioned having. It doesn’t mean that you have philophobia if you can relate to just one or two of these signs but if most of them describe you, things are pretty much clear.
1. You can’t let go of the past
One of the first symptoms of philophobia is related to past traumas. People with philophobia usually have a lot of emotional baggage from the past which represents a heavy burden for them and doesn’t allow them to move on.
Something like this can happen if you’ve been emotionally injured or broken in the past but your scars haven’t healed just yet. Someone you cared for deeply crushed your heart which naturally left consequences on your mental health.
2. You are afraid of getting your heart broken
After everything you’ve been through, it is perfectly reasonable that you are completely disappointed when it comes to the opposite sex. You think that everyone has the intention of hurting you and of crushing your vulnerable heart.
And that is something that scares you the most—having to go through that emotional pain once again. You are positive that your wounded heart wouldn’t survive any more damage and you are ready to do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening. The fear of getting your heart broken paralyzes you to the point where you’ve subconsciously decided that the best way to protect it is to forget that you even have it.
3. You are unable to open up to others
What actually scares you the most about falling in love is the emotional attachment love carries with itself. Opening up to another person on a deeper level and forming a meaningful connection and emotional bond is something you can’t imagine yourself doing. However, this is not just the case with romantic relationships—you act similarly when it comes to most people in your life.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that you are an introvert or antisocial. You may have a lot of friends and you don’t mind hanging out with people—it’s just that you are rarely comfortable with showing your true self to the world.
4. You have trust issues
If you are someone who’s been betrayed or backstabbed in the past by the ones closest to you, it is no wonder that you’ve stopped believing in people. You no longer have faith that everyone is essentially good and consequently, you’ve become overly careful when it comes to romantic relationships.
One of the signs that you suffer from philophobia is exactly these trust issues you are dealing with. You simply think that everyone you meet will hurt you or take advantage of you in one way or another.
With time, you’ve learned not to rely on anyone. You’ve learned that you are the only person you can count on and that not trusting anyone is the only path toward avoiding disappointment and betrayal.
5. You value your single life too much
Another sign that you suffer from the fear of falling in love is the fact that you value your single status more than anything. Even though this is a great thing because being single beats being in a toxic relationship anytime, you’ve embraced it to the point where you can’t imagine sharing your life with someone else and to the point where you have completely given up on love.
Even though it is not always the easiest thing in the world, you’ve got used to living alone, without anyone’s help. The last thing you want to do is have to compromise with someone or make sacrifices for the sake of your relationship. You have your own rhythm and habits you follow and you aren’t ready to change them and have to adapt to someone else.
For you, single life has become your comfort zone. It is something familiar to you, something you are used to and a lifestyle you don’t even think of abandoning any time soon.
6. You feel caged when in a relationship
The idea of having to commit to just one person for the rest of your life scares the hell out of you because you simply can’t imagine yourself being tied to just one person for as long as you breathe. And not just that—every romantic relationship makes you feel caged and trapped.
Whenever you try being in a relationship or you just think about getting yourself involved in one, you have a panic attack. You see a romantic relationship as the end of someone’s life—something that will completely deprive you of your individuality, something that will take away your freedom and something that will change the essence of who you are.
The point is actually pretty simple: you are someone who likes to have complete control over your life and emotions and falling in love could possibly take that control from you. And just the idea of something like that happening suffocates you.
7. You only enjoy the physical part of a relationship
Nevertheless, having philophobia doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy having sex and for most people, it has little to do with the physical parts of the relationship. The truth is that like everyone else, you need someone to kiss, cuddle and sleep with.
It might sound strange but you don’t have any problem whatsoever with showing affection in the bedroom. What troubles you is how you are expected to behave after the physical part is over because the last thing you want to do is take this intimacy to the next level.
A teacher. A dreamer. A writer. A woman who’s been through all of the things you are going through. A woman who’s learned on her mistakes and whose advice you can trust. A woman who is trying to find her place under the stars. A woman just like you.