I wanted you from the first time I saw you.

Your eyes were hiding a story I desperately wanted to hear. Your words are still echoing in my head. Words of love and affection. You were such an enigma to me. A man totally different from all those I had ever met.

There was something attractive about you that I didn’t know how to explain. Maybe because of that, you were something I wanted to explore deeply.

I still remember those days when we were traveling together. I remember the look in your eyes while you were watching me.

Your eyes were full of love. Love that was breaking the boundaries of common sense. Love that was so deep that an ocean could be jealous of it. And you could see the same in my eyes. I had eyes only for you because there was no man who bewitched me like you did. With your soft lips gently touching mine, with your hands holding my body tight to yours, with the scent of your perfume in the air.

I was drunk in love but I didn’t mind it. In fact, that was the best feeling ever. With the best man of all.

But there was something that none of us was able to affect. You were already taken. There was a woman who just like me had seen what a perfect human being you are. But the catch was that she caught you before me.

And that was breaking my heart. I had to deal with the fact that you would never be mine. But accepting that was so difficult. Every time I saw you, I would forget all that I had decided to do. All my promises that I would leave you alone just vanished the same moment when you would look me in the eye.

I felt my heart was beating faster and I felt that I was going to faint. That’s what kind of effect you had on me. So, I started cheating on myself every day. I secretly prayed that you would leave your wife and live with me. I was so selfish, I know. But I couldn’t help myself.

Fortunately, you were much braver than me. You came so we could talk and you explained to me that even if you feel something more than friendship for me, we can never be together. By doing so, you would let down your wife and kids.

The truth was that you weren’t head over heels in love with her but you decided to stay because of the kids. And I respected your decision. In the end, that was the smartest thing we could do at that moment.

And now, after all these years without you, I still haven’t found my soulmate.

I still haven’t met a guy who makes my heart beats faster. There wasn’t anyone as good as you. Maybe I see you as an ideal man so others can’t reach me. Maybe it is all my fault. But one thing I will never regret—I will never regret loving you. I will never regret missing you like the deserts miss the rain.

Those memories are keeping me alive. And if I ever find someone who will love like you did, I will never tell him about you. You will be my secret I will carry to the grave. And when I get old, I will still remember you, but there won’t be tears in my eyes. Just a memory that you were the right man at the wrong time.

See also: This Is How I Married My Ex