I thought I would never have the guts to say this, but I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of this relationship, of your almost love and I’ve had enough of you. It’s time for me to start putting myself first and it’s time for me to stop begging for your love and attention. It’s time for me to start respecting myself enough to finally tell you that I’ve had it. And here is what will help me deepen my self-respect: Deepen your self respect and live from your core
You know, you always made me wonder why I wasn’t enough for you. I’ve tried to meet your standards and I’ve tried to be the woman you wanted me to be. I’ve tried changing my looks and my personality just for you to like me more, but now I know that there was nothing I could to make you love me.
It was painful for me to accept this, but the harsh truth is that love cannot be forced and it’s not love if you have to ask for it. So I’m here to tell you I don’t need love I have to beg for.
I don’t need a relationship in which I have to prove that I am worthy of your love. Because, I know my value and I know I’ve deserved your complete love. You just couldn’t bring yourself to give it to me and that is your loss. I don’t need a relationship in which I constantly have to wonder why I am not enough for your love.
I don’t want a relationship in which I always have to chase you. And that was exactly what I was doing all along. I was chasing you to commit to me. I was chasing you to label our relationship. I was chasing you to put it on the next level… And I was chasing you to love me. And that was the most humiliating thing I’ve ever done.
I don’t need love I have to wait for. You were constantly leaving me and coming back to me as you wished. But, you knew you had someone to wait for you every time you decided to come back. I thought that your coming back to me was proof of your love, but now I realize that you don’t walk away from people you truly care for.
I don’t need a relationship in which I have to feel like I am pushing you to be with me. With you, I was always the one initiating everything. I felt like there could pass days without us having a meaningful conversation and you wouldn’t even notice.
I don’t want a relationship in which I have to ask for you to like me. When I come to think about it, you never liked the real me. According to you, I was always too sensitive, too emotional and too needy. And while I tried very hard to change those things about me so you could finally like my personality, I’ve realized that this is who I am and that I don’t need to change for anyone. If you had ever loved me, I wouldn’t have to change the essence of my being for your sake. If you had ever loved me, you would have loved all of me.
I don’t need love in which I have to beg for your attention and affection. These things should be natural in every relationship, but you made me feel like I was winning a prize every time you gave me crumbs of your attention. I was never a priority for you, but you managed to convince me that this was the natural order of things. You’ve managed to convince me that I had no right to ask for more.
I don’t need love in which I have to make excuses for you. It took me a long time before I realized that love shouldn’t be like this. I just refused to accept that you could never love me the way I loved you. It was easier for me to always make up excuses for you. In my head, you were this busy man who simply couldn’t find time for me. You were someone who loved me very much, but just had trouble showing it the right way. I believed in your lies because I wanted to.
I wanted to believe in your love for me. But now I know that you never truly loved me; you only loved the way I loved you.
I don’t need someone who doesn’t need me back. I realized I never actually made a difference in your life. It never affected you if I stayed or if I left and that was what hurt me the most.
I want more and I am finally brave enough to say it out loud. I am finally brave enough to walk away from you and never to look back.
I need an all-consuming, life lasting love. I need and deserve attention and compassion. I want a guy who will love me at my worst. I deserve someone who will love me back with all of his heart. I want a guy who will be interested in everything I have to say, a man who will never back out on me the moment things get rough. I want a man who will believe in me, even when I don’t believe in myself, a man who will be the wind for my wings. I need a man who will help me reach the stars, a man who will be my biggest support and my number one fan. I want a guy who will always put me first and a guy who will love me, no matter what.
I want love I won’t have to beg for. And I know I will get it, sooner or later.
I want the kind of love I deserve. And I know this is not that kind of love.