You know how much I loved you. You know I was someone who would move mountains for your sake and you knew that your happiness was always my priority. Yes, there were times when you tried to accuse me that I didn’t love you enough but deep down, you always knew how great my love for you was.
So, this may come as a shock to you, but I am here to tell you that I don’t love you anymore. And not only that—I hate you.
After all that love I felt for you, after all those years we spent together and after all those moments we shared, I can say I hate you.
You probably thought that I would love you forever, no matter how you treated me. But you were wrong.
You killed all the love I felt for you and you managed to turn it into hatred.
I hate you for killing the innocent girl I was before I met you. And I hate you for turning her into this bitter woman I am now.
Instead of showing me what love was, you showed me that I was capable of hating. I hate you for the fact that you could never commit. With you, I never knew where I stood. You kept leaving me and coming back to me, as you pleased. You never wanted to talk about the future, you never wanted to label things between us. Although we’d been together for years, I always felt like I was just a casual fling to you. And that made me wonder why I wasn’t enough for you to even think about taking things to the next level.
I hate you for all of those other girls. I hate you for all the times you left me for someone else and I hate you for all the times you cheated on me and tried to hide it. I hate you even more for all those times when you didn’t even try to deny your affairs. Even when you were with me, I always felt like I needed to compete with every other girl in the room. I felt like you were comparing me with all the girls who were always surrounding you, wishing that you were with one of them instead of me. You never once looked at me like I was special to you. I hate you for making me feel like I was never enough to be your only one.
I hate you for not giving me enough attention. I hate you for making me beg for the crumbs of your love. I hate you because you always made me feel like I was your last option, because you made me feel like I was never relevant. I hate you for making me feel like I was never enough to be your priority.
I hate you for trying to change me. I know I have my flaws but you never accepted me for who I really was. All you ever wanted was to change me, so I could meet your imaginary standards. You made me want to change the essence of my being, just so you could love me more. For you, I was too emotional, too sensitive and too weak.
I hate you for making me insecure. Before I met you, I was full of confidence. I don’t think I was cocky, but I knew my value. But you managed to change that. You played with my self-esteem, trying to convince me that I should be grateful to have you by my side and telling me that no other man would want me. You spent years trying to convince me that I wasn’t enough and I almost believed you.
I hate you because you made me feel that I wasn’t beautiful enough, smart enough, or successful enough. I hate you for diminishing me, for insulting me and for convincing me I was good for nothing. No matter what I did and how hard I tried to please you, for you, it was never enough.
You made me feel I wasn’t enough and you made me question why that was so.
And that is why I hate you the most.
It took me a long time to understand that there was actually nothing wrong with me.
I realized that I am not supposed to be enough for someone who will never appreciate me and for someone who will never truly love me.
And then it hit me—you weren’t enough for me.
You were the one who didn’t know how to love me enough. You were the one who felt intimidated by me and that is why you always tried to put me down. You were the one who had to deal with his own issues and that is why you tried to make me feel insecure. You were the one who didn’t deserve me.
And you are the one who is never getting me back.
A teacher. A dreamer. A writer. A woman who’s been through all of the things you are going through. A woman who’s learned on her mistakes and whose advice you can trust. A woman who is trying to find her place under the stars. A woman just like you.