Enough with the dating games already. I am exhausted.
I don’t like playing them, and I hate feeling like a toy a man can easily toss.
All the tactics, head games, chasing, who texted who first, who is clingy, who is cool… are not allowing me to enjoy dating.
I want something normal—a relationship in which a man and a woman meet each other halfway. Without all the drama, chasing and hoping in vain.
I swear, I would rather stay forever single than play along with someone’s dating game.
These are the things I refuse to do:
1. Pretending I am not interested
It’s a thin line between interested and clingy. That’s why we all try to play it cool. We are so careful not to reveal too much that we seem stone cold.
I am tired of it. What’s the point in non-texting back ASAP when you want to or saying you can’t go out with them tonight when every atom of your being says you do.
Pretending like you couldn’t care less for the person is just as much a turnoff as clinginess. That’s why, if you ask me, the best thing is to find the middle ground and stay true to your feelings.
2. Provoking jealousy
I’ve been in situations where the person I am into would check out other women in front of me or flirt with them just to see my reaction.
It’s a low blow, and I don’t want anybody to feel as miserable as I did in those moments.
So, if the only way I can get the guy is by making him jealous than he is not the one for me.
3. Delaying a reply
I think most of us have tried this technique. We’ve been told time and time again that replying within a few seconds of getting a text will make us seem desperate.
So, we wait for an hour or more and then respond in the hope that it will make a man chase us.
There might be some truth to that, and it might even work on occasions. Still, I would rather not do it because I know how shitty I felt when the same was done to me.
I would check my phone every few minutes. Staring at an empty screen was so disappointing that it would make me sad.
I get that not every text can be answered right away, but they can’t all be replied to too late, now can they? It’s playing head games, and I won’t be a part of it.
4. Giving false hope
I’ve never done this to anyone, but I’ve been strung along in the past. Living in anticipation of something that could be, hoping for better days ahead is a waste of time.
From now on, either we are in an exclusive relationship or we are nothing. Everything besides that is a kind of torture I don’t need in my life. I’ve been through a lot as it is.
Being somebody’s almost when they are your everything is the worst, and I won’t play along. I won’t be anybody’s toy.
5. Acting as if we are into the same things
Pretending I like football or hockey when I don’t know the first thing about it is not for me. It’s for the girls in high school who desperately want their crush to like them.
I’m too old for that shit, to put it bluntly. Me and my potential significant others don’t have to have everything in common.
Having a few similar interests is more than enough to have meaningful conversations and to bond.
If we don’t even have a few, it’s better to know right from the start than act like I am somebody I am not. I would be exhausted from it in no time.
6. Being used as a means of making his ex jealous
It’s an awful thing falling in love for someone who is using you to get back at their ex. That situation is hurtful for everybody involved.
It’s despicable, and I don’t want to be a part of it. Where there are ex issues involved, I am not there.
7. Faking love to have sex
When I look back, it seems like almost every other guy I ever dated had the same agenda—how to get into my pants.
Pretending they are genuinely interested, that they want more than a casual relationship, even saying “I love you” are all means to an end. Telling lies comes naturally to them.
Evoking someone’s feelings without having any intention to love them is the lowest of the lows.
I think I would have more respect for a man who honestly says that he just wants to hook up than those liars who play with my emotions.
8. Being secretive about a relationship
I don’t want other people to know about us; I am still not ready for that. Others knowing would mess everything up, and similar phrases are things I don’t want to hear.
If I am with someone, I want the world to know. It doesn’t have to be after a few dates, but once we establish we are in a relationship, it has to be a public one, not a secret one.
We are adults, and we should behave as such. If a man has all the boyfriend benefits when we are alone, he can act like my boyfriend when we are in public, too.
9. Playing texting games
Who texted who first shouldn’t be an issue. Both sides involved should make equal efforts in texting.
What shouldn’t happen is one person initiating conversations always or most times. It shows disinterest and laziness.
Initiating conversations when dating means that the two people involved should meet each other halfway. Nothing should be one-sided.
I mean if we can’t even text like normal human beings, what more is there to talk about?
10. On again off again
My heart doesn’t come with a switch attached to it. I can’t turn my emotions on and off and on demand.
I can’t give someone second, third, fourth…chances to break my heart all over again.
I can’t put my life on hold while someone decides whether or not I am worthy of their time.
That’s no way to live. That’s no way to love.
If we are together, then we are together. If we break up once, there is no going back.
11. Closing my options while he keeps his open
Once I am into someone, I am into them and no one else. On the other hand, guys I’ve dated don’t share my opinion.
They would date me, get my hopes up, and toss me aside because they met someone new or they were seeing somebody else while they were seeing me.
I will try to change that and keep my options open until I hear that ‘we are exclusive’ come out of his mouth.
12. Promises of change
Oh the promises… I am sick and tired of hearing them when I know they are leading nowhere.
“I will change; I swear, just stay.” , “I will try harder.”, “I will invest more in us.” , “Things will get better. I promise.” , “Just till I sort this thing out then I will have more time for us.” etc.
Sticking around somebody who constantly makes promises and never keeps them is a waste of time. He would make an effort for a few days and then get back to his old ways.
My heart would trust and hope, but my gut would always whisper, “He won’t change baby girl.” My gut was always wiser, and I am going to listen to it more attentively.