I really thought once it’s over there’s no going back. That’s it. End of relationship, end of someone’s existence in my life. But destiny had other plans.
I always rolled my eyes every time someone would say something along the lines of, “If it’s meant to be, you will be together again.” I thought it was a myth.
I thought it was just something people said to comfort you. Until it happened to me.
I don’t know why it had to happen this way. The harder way. Was going through all that mess and awful heartbreak really necessary to have my heart full and beating again?
It seems it had to go that way. I still don’t really understand why, though.
I always knew he was something else. Someone different. Someone mine. I can’t really describe that feeling. It’s something I always longed for but never knew existed.
Sadly, I was never more sure of my feelings than on the day he left. The pain I felt after that was like nothing I had ever felt before.
I felt like I was going to suffocate from all the tears. I thought they would never stop. It’s so hard to feel so much love in one moment and have it all taken away from you the next.
I thought I would never recover. I had never been so negative in my life but lost love has this way of changing you like nothing else in life.
In spite of everything, I never hated him. I never could. I blamed him for being selfish, for being scared of his feelings, for being immature, for not appreciating me, for…. so many things.
But I still kept him in my prayers every single night. It was a habit I formed and I couldn’t shake off. I wanted him to be safe and sound, I wanted him to be happy even if he wasn’t mine.
I think that a piece of him stayed with me. Even years after we had broken up, even when I really believed I was over him and had gotten on with my own life, he was always at the back of my mind.
I really believed that he was not in my heart, at least not anymore. I thought it was just memories of what once was and what could have been that were keeping him present in my thoughts.
Until his name lit up my phone.
My hands were shaking. I was weak at my knees and felt like I was about to faint. I didn’t know whether I should answer or not. I hesitated for a while. But I gave in.
Just the sound of his voice brought back all the feelings I thought were dead and buried.
He begged me to talk to him. I couldn’t utter a single sound. I was paralyzed. After I came to my senses, he asked me to meet and I couldn’t say no. I wanted to see him, it was stronger than me.
After a while, I gave him a second chance. I gave our love a second chance. I forgave him. Even though it was risky. Even though everyone around me kept telling me not to. I trusted my gut and I went with it.
Because despite everything that had happened, the love hadn’t faded away, it was still there, it was still very much alive. What was different this time was that his love had matured.
He knew what he wanted. He knew that he would have to work long and hard to earn my trust again. He knew I wanted full commitment and he was ready for that.
He wasn’t that scared anymore. He was sure about me, about us, and somehow I was able to see that.
He was all in this time. He was there to make all the wrongs right. He was there to kiss my scars. He was there to stay.
We are getting to know each other all over again. He isn’t the only one who changed. All that I’ve been through shaped me into a person with standards, into someone who demands respect.
You see, there are no clear rules when it comes to love but one thing is true when love is real, when two people are meant to be together; they find their way back.
And though our story wasn’t easy, I would do it all over again. It’s worth it because of everything we have now.
