We’ve been taught that there is no love without a little drama and we live by this mantra. We continue entering and (even worse) staying in relationships, deceiving ourselves that it’s love and that you must accept a few compromises in order to make it work.

What nobody told us is that compromises are bullsh*t. You agree on something neither of you really wants or you just go with the flow and decide to obey your partner, thinking that’s something you just have to do because it’s love. But it isn’t.

Here are some ways to tell if your relationship is love or if it’s obsession. If it’s obsession or jealousy, you want to get out ASAP. Keep reading to get tuned in.

 

SOCIAL MEDIA

He doesn’t like you posting your selfies on Instagram. He hates when some random people comment on your pictures and if he could, he’d shut down all of your profiles and you’d continue your communication via messages.

 

THE WAY YOU DRESS

He has issues with the way you dress. Although you were dressing that way before the two of you got together, all of the sudden he’s bugged with your tight shirt, he doesn’t like the length of your dress, and that makeup is just too much.

 

YOUR FRIENDS

They are an issue. Why do you need to spend so much time with them and how come you have so many ‘boy friends’? It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, but he doesn’t trust them. He’s also a man—he knows how men think and that they only want one thing from a girl—it’s impossible to have boy friends.

See also: This Is What You Need To Be Capable Of If You Want To Be In Charge Of My Life

 

‘YOU’ TIME

He doesn’t understand that you really need some you time and so you’re denied it. You can chill with him, there is no need for you to isolate, don’t you love spending time with him?

 

BEING KIND

Why do you have to be kind to everybody? Why do you have to greet every person you know and meet on the streets? It’s just not understandable to him why you have to be so nice. He hates you talking to other people in the streets regardless of their gender.

 

‘MAY I SEE YOUR PHONE’ SYNDROM

Man checking phone

 

He’s asking to check your phone and he has the audacity to read your messages. Even if you’re not writing with another guy, he’ll read all the messages you have with your friends and go through your gallery to find something suspicious.

 

“I’M COMING WITH, TOO”

No matter where you’re going, he’s coming with. He feels invited everywhere and he feels like he gets to be with you while you’re hanging around with your friends or cousins etc.

He’s all over the place and he’s completely stuck to you—you just can’t get rid of him. Your friends will most likely start avoiding you two because they haven’t signed up to hang with him, too.

 

Your partner’s behavior can’t be justified by ‘it’s love’ because it isn’t. He got clingy and he got into every single pore of your life. You can’t breathe in the air without him wanting to be a part of it. The moment you ask for space you get a drama outburst and you’re being accused that your feelings are cooling off and how you don’t love him anymore. Because if you did, you’d spend every minute of your day with him.

See also: 7 Major RED FLAGS You Should Never Ignore In Your Partner

 

He has a fixation on you and it won’t lead you anywhere. You’ll forget how to be independent. You’ll forget what you like, and it’ll switch to what ‘we’ like.

 

Jealousy isn’t healthy. Obsession isn’t love. People who end up in these kind of obsessive relationships often end up emotionally-damaged. These two qualities may seem to spice up your relationship, but if this is what ‘heats up’ your relationship, then you’re in a wrong one.

 

Love isn’t meant to be a struggle. You don’t really have to give up on who you are in order to make it work. The right partner will accept you the way you are—he won’t try and tailor you to his design. That’d make you his doll, not his girlfriend. You are born human and not a toy. Bear that in mind next time you obey his wishes.