You must think that I’m just another silly, little girl who fell for your charm. That I’m just another naive soul who will let you break her. I’m not. I’ve been through that shit and I have had enough. I walked through Hell and made friends with the Devil. I swam across oceans of sadness and fought sharks along the way. Handling you, honey, is a piece of cake.
I did not work hard to regain my worth, just for you to take it. I did not spend years looking for the parts of me other people took away, just so you would take those parts too. I had to look for my strength, when I couldn’t even stand on my own. I had to keep on fighting, when I had nothing to offer, nothing to fight with. I had no power, no love in me, no skills worth showing. I let other people convince me into believing that I wasn’t good enough. And now that I know that I am, you expect me to let you do that to me too? You think that I’ll take it to heart when you tell me that I should lose some more weight? That I’ll listen to you if you tell me that I’m too loud? Honey, if you still have your hearing, obviously I wasn’t loud enough.
I did not heal my heart, just for you to play with it. My feelings, my emotions, are not toys for you to play with. I’ve been hurt way too much before to let you wreck it once more. You’re amazing, you’re really something, but you’re not worth it. You’re not worth my love, my time and devotion, because you wouldn’t know how to appreciate them anyway.
I did not learn to love my body, just so you would constantly shame it. Do you have any idea how it feels to constantly be dragged down? How it feels to listen to someone you love talk about how imperfect you are? To talk about how you’re not skinny enough, how you’re not pretty enough, how you’re just not good-looking enough? And you think that I’ll let you do the same? That I’ll let you trash-talk the body I worked so hard to fall in love with? That I’ll let you trash-talk the parts of me someone would be honored to love? Then you must be out of your mind.
I did not lower my walls, just for you to come marching through my soul. I did not spend all of this time building them up, trying to protect myself and trying to protect the parts of me that were left exposed for everyone to see. My broken heart, my naked soul, my bruised body. And once I grew a thicker skin and decided that it was time to break them down, you want to march in and crash and burn what’s left of me? I did not give you my trust so that you could play with it.
I did not rebuild myself for you to take me for granted. I’m not here to make your wishes come true and put mine aside. I’m not here to let go of my dreams, so you could make yours come to life. Darling, I’m here because I wanted you, I wanted your love. But if you think that I’ll settle for your half-assed love, that I’m going to beg you to stay with me, you got it all wrong. Because, you see, I don’t need you. I don’t need you to feel special, to feel pretty and to feel worthy. I learned that the hard way and I no longer need others for those things. I learned that I’m the only hero I’ll ever need. I learned that I deserve so much more than what I settled for, because before, I never truly knew my worth. And finally, I realized that I’m too fucking glorious to be taken for granted.