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If You Look Around, You’ll Notice I’m Gone

If You Look Around, You’ll Notice I’m Gone

If you look around, you’ll notice I am not waiting for your texts anymore.

I am not sending any either.  I am not trying to mentally connect with you and make you answer. I am not sending that second text when you had no decency to reply on the first one. I am done looking at an empty screen. I have a lot going on and don’t have the time to worry about why you are acting stupidly.

If you look around, you’ll notice I am not waiting for you to make time for me.

I am not there so you can cancel on me or serve me your lame excuses. I am not bending over backward and ignoring my own plans just so I can see you when it’s convenient.

If you look around, you’ll notice you are not getting anything from me, not anymore.

I got tired of giving and not receiving anything in return. I got tired of feeling so alone and so underappreciated when I was with you. I got tired of not knowing where I stand. I got tired of going two steps back every time we would make one forward.

If you look around, you’ll notice that you miss this smile of mine.

Do you remember how many times I pulled off that smile, even though you made me cry the night before? Do you remember how easily I forgave and moved past everything because I always put us before any problem we might have? I will never do that again.

If you look around, you’ll notice I am not there to listen anymore.

I am not there to support you no matter what. I am not there to understand you when nobody else can. I am not there to read between the lines and guess the things you refuse to say. I can’t be there anymore because I never got those things from you.

If you look around, you’ll notice I am no longer there to boost your ego.

To lift you onto the pedestal while you are putting me down and awakening my insecurities. I want to surround myself with people who empower me and make me stronger than I already am. You only made me feel like I was weak and unworthy.

If you look around, you’ll notice I am not waiting anymore.

I’m not waiting and I am not expecting anything from you anymore. You drowned my hopes of a better life together a long time ago. I finally realize life is too short to be strong for someone who uses the fact that they are your weakness to manipulate you. Life is to short to spend it on somebody who is never sure about anything. Life’s too short to settle for less than I deserve.  

If you look around, you’ll notice I am gone.

I am gone for good this time. I know you don’t believe me because I went and I came back so many times before. I gave you endless chances and you misused them all.  I know you don’t believe me and I don’t care because this time, I believe it myself.