Every person is unique and has their own set of qualities and flaws. However, everyone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder has some things in common.
Each narcissist has one primary goal: To humiliate and put down his victim. After all, it’s the only way they can feel better about themselves.
Invalidating his victims pumps a narcissist’s ego. It gives him control and incredible satisfaction.
This is exactly how they do it:
Self-flattering
All narcissists are self-flattering, without exception. At least, this is the way they want to be seen in the eyes of others, especially to those they want to invalidate.
They exaggerate when it comes to their accomplishments. Everything they achieve is great and important.
When a narcissist talks about himself, he’ll always use superlative only. He’ll present himself as flawless and almost perfect.
At first, you’ll probably admire this man’s high level of self-confidence. You’ll be knocked off your feet by the faith he has in himself.
However, this is just a mask. In fact, he is doing all of this just to prove to both of you that he is better than you.
Without you being aware of it, this man is actually competing with you. He is comparing your successes and is subtly telling you that he is above you in all life fields. In other words, he’s trying to destroy your self-esteem.
When he does this, he doesn’t have to tell you directly that you’re not good enough. Instead, his bragging indirectly puts you down.
Gaslighting
I’m sure you’ve heard about the term, “gaslighting”. It’s a common tactic almost all narcissists use in an attempt to brainwash their victims.
Basically, gaslighting isn’t typical lying. Instead, it’s more about twisting the truth.
For example, after your fight with a narcissist is over, he’ll do his best to convince you that things didn’t go the way you remember them.
Even though you know very well what you said or heard, he’ll work at changing your memory and making you believe what he wants you to believe.
If you have never experienced something like this, you’ll probably think it’s utterly impossible. However, trust me, this works more often than you might think.
This way, your abuser places a tiny voice at the back of your mind. A voice that keeps on telling you that you’re the crazy one.
Obviously, you can’t be trusted; you misinterpret things and your brain is playing with you.
This is exactly what this manipulator wants you to think. He wants you to trust him more than you trust yourself.
Consequently, you’ll start thinking poorly about yourself. You’ll have doubts about your judgment making skills and you’ll fall into this trap.
Emotional bribery
When someone does nice things for you, you assume that they do it because they’re kind, or you see it as proof of their love for you.
However, in the case of a narcissistic person, things are never what they seem. In fact, whenever a narcissist treats you well, it’s all a part of his emotional bribery.
This is the person who will make you experience both the worst and the best things in the world. The person who will emotionally abuse you and then buy you an expensive gift.
The person who will make you feel like you’re good for nothing and then surprise you with something you’ve always wanted.
No, this doesn’t mean that he loves you. It’s just this man’s way of playing tricks on you.
He wants to keep you by his side, despite all the awful treatment you receive from him. Not only that: He also wants you to feel guilty for ever doubting his intentions and emotions.
Besides, when a narcissistic person is emotionally bribing you, they want to make themselves needed. They’re making you emotionally dependent on them.
Also, they’re invalidating everything you’ve ever done for them. Every time a narcissist buys you a fancy present or does something nice for you, he wants you to see that he is better than you.
He is treating you better than you ever treated him. He is the kind of a partner you can never become.
Disproving your feelings
“You’re too weak. You’re overly emotional. You’re exaggerating. You’re a real drama queen. You get insulted easily.”
If you have ever been involved with a narcissistic manipulator, I’m sure that you’ve heard each one of these sentences. Basically, the problem is no longer his treatment of you – it’s your reaction to it.
Instead of seeing his mistake and doing everything he can to correct it, the narcissist disproves your feelings. He turns the tables and puts the focus on your reaction to his harmful behavior.
Instead of apologizing, he tells you to toughen up. Instead of admitting that he is the one who is wrong, he convinces you that you’re the problem!
How convenient, right?
Whatever happens and whatever tactic a narcissist tries to use on you – don’t ever forget that you’re worthy. Your feelings, thoughts, and memories have value and they’re real, no matter what he says.
I know it’s tough, but you have to learn how to recognize these techniques so you can turn on your defense mechanisms in time and run for your life.