Since you’ve stumbled onto this article, I’m guessing you want to know what to expect when a narcissist knows you have figured him out. So I’ve laid it all down for you!
Have you finally decided to let your sociopathic narcissist know that enough is enough? Are you completely done dealing with his NPD (narcissistic personality disorder)?
If so, there are certain things you should know first.
Narcissistic abuse is known to be extremely detrimental to one’s mental health, as well as to keep attracting you toward toxic relationships. Why? Because that’s all you’ve been exposed to lately.
Whether it’s a family member, best friend, co-worker, or your partner, a narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing. They create a false self in order to lure you in and make you forget all about self-love.
And when you threaten to expose him, he is more adamant than ever in his self-absorbed quest to get you back.
A narcissist always has the upper hand, even when you think you’re on to him. So consider the following before making any decisions.
See also: 13 Things To Know Before Starting A Long-Distance Relationship
Letting Your Narcissist Know You’re On To Him
Last year, I ended a three-year relationship with a really bad person. I was involved with an extremely conniving narcissist who put me through the wringer on a daily basis.
Don’t judge me though. For a long time, I struggled with low self-esteem that made me ignore the red flags and constant tantrums. For me, a verbally abusive relationship was all I really knew.
But after suffering bad cases of gaslighting, silent treatments, love bombing, and smear campaigns, it finally hit me: Until I decided to put an end to the insufferable hell, my whole life would amount to endless suffering.
So I left. I decided to go on a healing journey, knowing that even though it wouldn’t be easy, one day, I’d finally be able to be my true self for the first time in almost my whole life.
I had no idea what I was about to endure, but at the end of the day, I’m happy I did it. Why? Because now I’m stronger, wiser, and much, much tougher. My narcissist is for sure never getting me back.
And the best thing is that now I can offer you first-hand insight into what you’re about to embark on! Because let me tell you, it’s going to be like nothing you’ve ever experienced.
When your narcissist figures out you can see through him, he’ll resort to the most evil tricks in the book. It’ll trigger him to show his true colors.
Your best bet is going no-contact as you plot your way out of this domestic violence. There are some vital things I need you to know before you do anything rash.
Keep a cool head, and don’t let him rattle you. That’s exactly what his goal will be in order to keep his narcissistic supply. And this is how he’ll attempt to do it.
See also: Selfish Husband: 10 Signs You Are Married To A Self-Absorbed Man
What To Be On The Lookout For
If you’re adamant about exposing your narcissist, be sure to go through these important factors first. They will prepare you for the roller-coaster ride you’re signing up for.
Trauma bonding
When he’s faced with the truth, there’s nothing he won’t resort to in order to demean you, trick you, and put you down.
Trauma bonding refers to a toxic bond that he ensures you create with him. This will attach you to him through a series of manipulative and abusive behaviors that he’ll deem normal.
That way, you’ll feel bonded to him in a way that won’t allow you to fight or break free. See, when a narcissist knows you have figured him out, he’ll use every trick in the book to remind you who he is.
He’ll try to get a rise out of you by way of constant insults that will be his way of putting you in your place. And if you give him what he craves (crying, yelling, screaming), he’ll believe you’re still hooked.
This will undoubtedly be a draining process that will leave you mentally exhausted. Prepare yourself for the worst, as that is your best bet when it comes to leaving unscathed.
Gaslighting
Narcissists are truly the masters of the art of gaslighting. They will never admit to their faults, and even when the truth is right there, they will resort to gaslighting.
Hold on for dear life as you’re about to experience an array of false accusations that will be his attempt at making you believe he’s actually right.
”That’s not what happened, you’re remembering everything wrong!” or ”You were the one who said that, not me, why are you acting so crazy?”
Your ”soulmate” will accuse you until his last breath, just to make you believe that there’s a tiny chance you could be wrong. In his mind, lies and manipulation are the only tools toward getting what he wants.
Don’t take this personally though. Narcissists are capable of treating their own children this way as their nature revolves around ”me, myself, and I”. To them, the concept of right and wrong is blurry at best!
Projection
When an individual (a narcissist, sociopath, or a psychopath) senses that he is unable to keep you around, one of the tools he’ll use is called projection.
Don’t be fooled though. He knows that you’re a kind, nurturing, and emotional human being who is capable of experiencing feelings of guilt and sadness.
However, he’s going to use that against you. He’ll play on your emotional side and project all of his abusive, hoovering, toxic tactics onto you because, in his mind, you’ll play along.
If he’s persistent enough, you’ll cave in and apologize for something you didn’t do. He’ll manipulate you into taking responsibility for his actions and forgetting about all of the put-downs you’ve suffered.
You’ll be the bad guy, and he’ll be the victim. That way, leaving him will feel that much more excruciating.
See also: Strong Woman Quotes: 135 Lines Celebrating The Power Of Women
Fears & flaws
A narcissist has spent a huge chunk of his life learning his craft. That means he’s fully capable of disarming you of your very identity.
When a narcissist knows you have figured him out, he’ll play the fear card with zero shame. He knows you to your core. He understands how your mind works. And he’ll be happy to use it against you.
”You’re nothing without me! Leave me, I dare you! Nobody will want you!”
This is just one example of the tyranny you’re likely to suffer as a result of confronting him with his faults. He won’t be afraid to dig deep – to play on your most fragile insecurities.
He knows how to break you down because he’s done it a hundred times. You’ll think you’re on your way out, but he’ll prove you wrong by manipulating you into surrendering.
He’ll paint you as a deeply flawed human being because that’s what narcissistic abuse is all about. Your flaws are accentuated and your good points are non-existent.
A narcissist knows just how to make you come back. You can definitely try to leave, but it’ll be a real struggle.
Smear campaign
When a narcissist knows you have figured him out, going on a massive smear campaign will be the logical next step. They will go above and beyond to destroy your good name.
They will lie about you and spread it all over social media, and most importantly – through your social circles! You’ll hear such blatant lies that you’ll be in awe of how creative and disgusting he is.
He might even go to a therapist just so he can talk smack about you even further, and get much-needed validation in the process.
These extremely disturbing lies will start playing with your head and slowly make you see why exposing a narcissist isn’t the smartest move. You may be right – he is definitely going to put up a fight.
If you think about revealing his true colors to anyone, be prepared for some harsh and hurtful trash talk.
If you thought that it was insufferable up until now, you’re about to experience the full narcissistic range of colors that reflect what he’s indeed capable of when pushed into a corner.
Playing the victim
What’s a narcissist the best at? Playing the victim, of course! And in case you haven’t been paying attention, your narcissist is always the victim.
And there are so many ways to do that. For example, he might blame you for always initiating fights just as he gets home from a long, hard day at work. (Which of course isn’t the case!)
He might blame you for making him feel like crap when you know that his previous relationships were extremely difficult (but not really).
You’ll always be the bad guy for standing up for yourself, and a narcissist will always be the victim. My personal favorite is when they come up with a sob story about a horrible upbringing.
This, obviously, won’t be true, but it just goes to show how sneaky narcissists are when it comes to getting their way. They can make you crumble and admit defeat in a heartbeat.
Even when it’s beyond obvious that he’s the one hurting you, he’ll surprise you by twisting it all beyond belief.
See also: Self-Care Tips: How To Fall In Love With Taking Care Of Yourself
Devaluation
This is a common tactic narcissists use in relationships. So, when a narcissist knows you have figured him out, trust me that this will be his go-to method.
He will stop at nothing, while hurling vicious hate bombs at you. Narcissists don’t have the ability to sense when they’ve crossed a line, so there’s nothing you won’t hear.
He will try to reduce you to a shell of a human being. A narcissist is masterful at that. Everything you ever thought you knew about yourself will be washed away.
He will put you down, and use love bombing and mirroring as soon as he senses that he might lose his narcissistic supply.
The gloves will come off and his true self will come out. Be prepared for the worst type of behavior, because you’re likely going to get it.
Blackmailing
Vindictiveness is another one of a narcissists‘ specialties. And you didn’t think you’d be getting out without experiencing it, did you? Unfortunately, that likely won’t be happening.
He’ll blackmail the hell out of you, especially if he sees that you’re simply not budging and that he’s not getting you back. That’s when the blackmail usually starts.
Nothing is too low for a narcissist. He’ll resort to making you homeless, robbing you blind, and going public with your most intimate photos or videos. Nothing is off-limits.
He might even threaten to crash your car, keep your own children from you, or do something truly messed up to your sister. Something that will hurt her either privately or professionally.
A narcissist will threaten to do anything (and actually go through with it) to get you to cave in. You need to understand that leaving him is going to be one of the most challenging things you’ve ever done.
He most definitely won’t make it easy on you. When a narcissist knows you have figured him out, all bets are off.
Leveling
How dare you think about calling your narcissist a bad person when you have engaged in some truly bad things yourself?
Who gave you the right and expertise to judge your narcissist’s abusive behavior? When did you get a degree in psychology?
What on earth makes you able to evaluate his behavior patterns?
Leveling is a common tactic narcissists resort to when they want you to stoop down to their level. And more often than not, they do a good job of it.
Your integrity and any shortcomings will be severely attacked in order to make his tyranny seem normal-ish and make you lose any sound arguments you may have had against him.
He will level with you like you never thought possible because he’s done it so many times before that he’s got it all memorized in his head.
This is all part of the package you sign up for when you say yes to the first date with him. From then on, he works hard on finding out your weaknesses and flaws so that he can face you with them when he needs it most.
This narcissistic abuse knows no end. Your only shot is to go no contact and hope that at some point, he gets tired and moves on to his next victim.
Why Don’t You Be The Reason Someone Smiles Today? (With Quotes)
See also: How Narcissists Treat Their Exes: 12 Shameless Ways
How Do You Leave Him For Good?
Leaving a narcissist is difficult, challenging, and almost impossible. But when you put your mind to it, there’s nothing you can’t achieve. The following tips will help you close the door once and for all.
Turn to friends, family, or a support group
I know it’s not as simple as that, but having a solid support system means the world when you’re faced with an incorrigible narcissist. You have to rely on someone, otherwise, you’ll crumble.
If need be, talk to a licensed therapist! Whatever you sense you may need to finally summon the strength to leave his side with zero chances of coming back.
Learn to value your needs
Start creating and developing a sense of trust in your own perceptions and needs. Your self-esteem is at an all-time low when you’re around your narcissist and you need to get it back.
Teach yourself that you are enough. Your wants and needs are important and your self-worth isn’t dependent on an evil trickster who’s lowly methods are as transparent as they are evil.
You’re more than he wants you to believe.
Set firm boundaries and don’t let anyone cross them
This is crucial in making yourself feel as valued as you truly are. There need to be boundaries firmly set so that you never let another narcissist make a fool of you again.
Figure out where the line is and always be mindful of it. The moment you notice anyone trying to cross into questionable territory again, show them the door.
You made the mistake of letting it happen once, but now you know better.
See also: Should I Call My Ex? Read This If You’re Thinking Of Texting Your Ex
Recognize your triggers and create detachment mechanisms
What are your main triggers when it comes to your narcissist‘s hold over you? How does he succeed in luring you back just as you are almost out of there?
Once you figure this out, learn to detach yourself from his hold. When he no longer has power over your mind, leaving him will be a breeze. Simply learn not to react.
Create a meaningful life as a substitute for your toxic relationship
You need to have something to look forward to in life if you want to successfully turn your back on your narcissist. This means nurturing other relationships with your friends and co-workers that you can lean on.
Once you create a healthy routine, it will be much easier for you to deal with the backlash as you’ll have your work, hobbies, friends or other activities to preoccupy you.
Make good on your threats to let him see you are for real
Empty threats are the worst, especially if he knows you’ll never go through with them. But if you have something up your sleeve, don’t be afraid to use it against him!
He needs to understand that when you say you’re done, you mean it! He can resort to all of his sickening methods, but so will you!
And then it will be up to him whether he risks having his whole persona ruined or finally backs off and admits defeat.
See also: How To Make Him Realize He’s Losing You? 10 Ways To Success
Just remember – when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, the gloves come off and he gets ready to go into attack mode. And now, all bets are off.
But after learning all of this, you’re ready to face the unexpected! You might just show him who’s really in control. Don’t think it will be easy for a second, but leaving him is definitely possible.
Use whatever you’ve got against him and don’t hold back because God knows he won’t. Good luck!
