I get it. Sometimes… your loneliness gets the better of you and you just cave in.
You do the one thing you promised yourself you’d never do. You let him back in.
You’re weak, alone and miserable. You need this feeling of dread to go away and you need it now.
You don’t deserve to be lonely anymore. You don’t deserve to feel like the only person on the planet who just can’t seem to get it right.
You want your happy ending! You damn well know you deserve it.
And after so many hopeless, lonely nights of crying yourself to sleep and drowning your sorrows in wine and shots, you pick up the phone and call him.
You know it’s the wrong thing to do. You know he’s bad news. Yet… you say, “Fuck it!’’ and dial that number you sadly still know by heart.
You hate yourself for it but the damage has been done.
He answers on the first ring, as if he somehow predicted you’d call… and he’s already on his way over.
You start panicking.
What the fuck did you just do? How is bringing him back into your life going to help you in any way?
It took months to summon up the strength to get out of that relationship.
It took so many difficult conversations with your best friends to finally help you see him for the toxic asshole that he is.
And right now… you’re throwing it all away over one inconsolable, weak night.
Is it worth it? Or is this your rock bottom?
We both know how you felt the morning after.
You felt like you betrayed yourself for one night of (probably) amazing sex with an ex who is all kinds of wrong for you.
It’s like all the effort you put into finding yourself after dumping his sorry ass has been thrown into the gutter.
And now you have to do it all over again.
This scenario is very familiar to me. I’ve been there.
I know the pain. I understand the agony of letting your jerk of an ex back into your life after taking so long to heal after dumping him.
And I know for a fact that it’s seriously not worth it.
Going through a break-up is crappy enough as it is.
You can’t just make yourself stop loving him just because you see what a toxic waste of breath he is all of a sudden.
Sure, you know he’s no good but damn… you still freaking love that asshole!
You hate yourself for admitting it but that’s just how it is. And you don’t really know how to make that love stop and get over him just like that.
That doesn’t happen. Maybe in the movies… but real life is a motherfucker.
I’m here to tell you I truly sympathize with you. It sucks letting your weak side get the best of you and letting the mistake of your life back into your arms.
Yes, it feels good for that one night. It feels so comforting feeling him close to you and reminding yourself of why you let it go on for so long.
He knows just how to make you feel so good. He knows what you don’t like. He knows how to make you smile when all you want to do is hate his guts.
But in those times, when you want to dial his number and give in, remind yourself of exactly who he is.
He is the person who caused you a lot of pain. He took your love for granted and did whatever the hell he pleased, not caring about how it made you feel.
He made you feel like shit when you made your feelings known.
He made you sound like a drama queen for wanting him to acknowledge your feelings for once.
You cried so many tears over his shitty behavior. You spent countless nights crying without making a sound so that he wouldn’t hear you.
Sure, he was nice when he wanted to be but that was so rare.
It only ever happened when he was having a good day and couldn’t help but treat you right due to his chipper mood.
But as soon as things would go south, he’d turn into a toxic person who you didn’t recognize anymore.
You loved him but you couldn’t even understand why.
And that is what you need to remind yourself of that the next time you wish to give him back the key to your heart.
It took you so bloody long to get him out of your life and out of your head. Why would you walk all over that?
Respect yourself enough to know you deserve better!
Don’t allow your one lonely night to dictate how your life is going to unfold.
In the morning, you’re going to be full of regret and you’ll hate yourself for what you did.
So don’t! Call somebody else instead and vent. But don’t call that number, no matter how much you want to.
It will diminish all the efforts you made and all the hard work you put into getting your life back on track.
It will feel good for one night, but it will suck for many months afterward.
It’s not worth it. HE’s not worth it.
You’ll get better but only if you stay strong and delete that number once and for all.
Your loneliness will go away… but he is never going to stop being a toxic waste of your time!