You know I tried my best for us to work out. You know I gave you everything I had and you are very well aware how much I invested in our love.
You know I did everything I could to make you a better man. You know I was ready to move mountains for your sake and that your happiness was all that mattered to me.
You know you could always count on my support, no matter what. I was there when everyone else turned their backs on you.
I was not just your girlfriend—I was your friend, your shoulder to cry on, your advisor… I was your family.
But you never appreciated any of this. You never appreciated me.
You were taking me for granted, assuming that I would always stay by your side. Everyone was always more important than me—your friends, your family, your job, other girls in your life.
You had more respect for all of those people who betrayed you numerous times than for me who had always stuck by your side through thick and thin.
No matter what happened and how much of myself I gave to you, I was last place in your life.
I hoped you’d eventually change. I hoped you’d see how much I loved you and that no other woman would ever love you like I did.
I really believed that you would come to your senses and that is why I stayed every time I wanted to walk away from you.
Of course, you weren’t always like this. You had your moments and you had your way of keeping me around. Whenever you saw I was about to leave you, you would turn into the most caring and loving guy on the planet.
And for so long, I held on to those moments, thinking they were proof of your love but as soon as you’d see I wasn’t going anywhere, you would return to your old ways.
And when I look at things from this point of view, I will never be sure whether you ever loved me for real or if you just enjoyed having someone to love you that much.
When I come to think about it, all of that is irrelevant now.
The only thing that is important is that I got tired. I got tired of your almost love. I got tired of begging for your attention.
I got tired of waiting for you to choose me over everyone else. And the only thing that could relax me was this: Wash away your built-up stress
After many years, I finally had the courage to walk away from you. I don’t know what the last straw was or what pushed me into making this decision.
All I know is that it was one of the hardest decisions of my life.
I know you probably think this was an easy thing for me to do. I know you don’t want to admit to yourself how much you hurt me, so it’s probably easier for you to think that I walked away from you because I became selfish or because I stopped loving you.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
You can’t even imagine how much strength it took me to give up on you. This may sound silly but it was one of the bravest things I have ever done.
Despite everything you put me through, I still blamed myself for walking away from you. I thought I was being selfish for leaving you behind.
I was terrified if you would be able to make it without me.
I know everyone around you thinks you are this tough guy who can take everything that life throws at him. I know you’ve always wanted to present yourself as someone who is capable of living without anyone by your side.
But I know you better than that. I know you have a sensitive, vulnerable side as well. And I keep thinking about that side of yours. I keep wondering if you need my hand to help you walk through life.
I keep wondering if you miss me, if you ever think of me. Although my ego would like that to be true, the last thing I wish is for you to suffer.
I have no resentments regarding you—I forgive you everything, because I know this was the best you could do. You will always be special to me and I will pray for you for as long as I breathe.
I really do want you to be happy, because I want to remember all the good things we shared. Actually, I want us both to be happy. I am just sad that we couldn’t achieve that happiness together.
I am writing this to you because I want you to understand how much giving up on you took out of me. I want you to know how devastating that was for me.
I want you to know that this was my last option but I just couldn’t be in this destructive relationship anymore.
Most of all, I want you to know that one half of me died when I gave up on you. And the other half of me will never forgive myself for doing that.
Saturday 10th of March 2018
I am so sorry someone did this to you. You sure that yours and mine weren't brothers from another mother? Except well mine is Polyamorous so cheating isnt it but still anyone but me got the attention when I always had his back. I wish others would stop reading my mind or else there are too many others out there like us with people like them.
Saturday 10th of March 2018
None of this is easy and it’s not all how it seems I just typed my heart out and don’t know where he fucking thing went, I told you from the beginning I would never change you I would never try and tame such a beautiful wild creature I love what is a simple as beautiful as the connection that we had that list mathematically in calculable. If anyone in the world feels what we had they know what it’s like to count to infinity. Don’t give up don’t give in to thinking the ordinary cycle of madness that most people go through no one is through but we did the glow that I saw radiating off of you is still the most vivid picture in my head. I’m outside sitting here waiting please take an Uber to whatever you have to do or just call me and I’ll come straight to you. No matter how much time goes by I don’t want to give anyone else But you my time, There is something I seriously have to tell you, hopefully one day I can and I will wait until there is no time soon looking at your pictures and always thinking of that day on the beach and nights where the thing I said did truly make you feel loved like I intended the whole time. Come home
Saturday 10th of March 2018
Please with every molecular structure that makes up my humongous fucking body to not give up. I can’t drem anymore since u left. When I sleep I see you and it’s the only thing that has kept me from breaking to the point All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put B back together again, you have No idea the fire inside me that burns for you, saving all of your pictures that I had to take off line so I could fool people think that I am OK. Of course you don’t understand how much I with every doubt would tattoo your name across my fucking throat I love you because I always felt that talk too much and that if I was saying anything serious that you thought it was going to be negative, I could pour my heart out through text so you could read it when you wanted to make a meal for the heart that you put in the fridge until you’re ready for it. This is been the longest 30 days and next month I will lived 30 years but none of them will matter I will always be lacking I will always have Regrets that make me cringe all I wanted to do was get my life where it is now and you didn’t have to worry so I could focus only on you because taking care of it was always my favorite thing to do. I don’t understand a lot of these but I won’t ever give up on any of my hopes and dreams and you will forever be number one i’m so fucking sorry I didn’t keep acting as loving as I did in the beginning but in the end I fell harder than before after Lola I knew we were connected by something bigger than both of us. I’m sorry for being so fucking sorry I just wish you would show up sit and have a drink with me. Balls out honesty but there’s something I have to tell you half of it is that the Half of you that you think has died is the only thing that keeps me running only to train catch up to you and with all my strength squeeze the two pieces back together. The other is only to be spoken to eachother. I owe you my life no matter how hard it is I fight harder to just make it threw my days not waking beside my best friend. U know where I’m at run and jump close your eyes and let the Man U met in the beginning catch you. I fucked up I didn’t just fuck up I hurt someone that I guarded with my life and you know how much guilt I feel regardless if I’m responsible for the pain not. I only want u fuck everything and everyone els. I didn’t know that kind of love existed no one had even been able to describe what you gave me but I was blinded by stupid things and a lot of my own insecurities and I truly didn’t feel like I deserved love from a heart as Big as the Beautiful ocean of your eyes, I i’m going to sit out here all night just in case. Until the end u will always hagevmy heart and I’m not looking for you in anyone because there Will be Imposters but I know I’ve seen the real thing I can’t believe I thought it really was too good to be true I promise you I’m not the monster that you’re typing about if anyone has felt my heart anyone it’s you the person that started with what I thought were horrible intentions but if I would’ve known it was only about love not all the rest of the bullshit that would come from loud decibels out of the bathroom. We could’ve built a house A life and the most beautiful family. Tjk ily uet