I am done!
I am done trying to make you love me. I am totally drained from all your excuses and bad treatment. I don’t want to be a victim anymore. What I thought was that I was in love with the man of my dreams but it turned out that you were anything but that.
You were my abuser. You were my necessary evil. You broke me and I didn’t know to tell you to stop. You continued with your game, on and on, never thinking about how I felt.
And I felt devastated. I was so broken and lost in my own world of sorrow. I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I was just a skeleton of the girl who was once cheerful and happy.
Now, I am totally different and it is all because of you.
Even if I left you some time ago, I still think about you. I think about all those nice days that we spent together and I ask myself why it had to end up like that. Why did you have to change for the worst? Why did you have to treat me like shit, when all I ever wanted was to love you?
And then in all those memories that are swimming around my head, I forget where I am and I start crying. I don’t see the people around me, looking at me all confused, and I just keep crying and asking myself what I did wrong.
I have the same scenario in my head every single day. I imagine that I am happy with you. I imagine that we have a lovely home and kids who are playing in the back yard.
I imagine that you love me and that you cherish me.
But then an ambulance horn brings me back to reality and I find myself sitting in my room and staring at a blank space. I feel like all my boats have sunk and that I will never be happy again. I feel that you broke me so hard that I will never be able to pick myself up. I feel all that and I cry myself to sleep. And when I wake up I don’t want to spend that day the same as yesterday. I don’t want to be a sad person anymore.
I am just a girl who had bad luck in love but I know that doesn’t mean that every single guy after you will be a dick. Next time, I will choose wisely and if I see even one characteristic in someone new that reminds me of you, I will leave him right away. Because I don’t want the past to repeat itself. One toxic man in my life was enough.
And when I get myself back together, I will be strong again.
I will be happy again and you won’t be able to change that. Another man will hug me and kiss me like you used to but this time I won’t have to leave him for him to realize my worth.
I promise you will miss me. I promise you will be crying just to try and bring me back. I promise that one day I will be everything that you want to have. But you won’t have it. Because you don’t deserve me. And I finally realize that now.
You don’t deserve me for a bunch of reasons.
You don’t deserve me because you are stupid for letting me go. And I don’t want to spend my life with someone who can’t decide what he wants. You don’t deserve me because you have psychological issues and you need some professional help.
You need to finally realize that you did a bad thing to your loved one and that was not the treatment she deserved. And most of all, you don’t deserve me because you weren’t able to give me the love I needed.
I just hope that our relationship was your wake-up call.
I just hope that you learned how not to treat a woman you love. And I hope that once you forgive yourself, you will give yourself a second chance, because you can be sure that I won’t!
I will just let you ‘enjoy’ your pain. I will let you miss me like crazy. I will never pick up the phone when you call and I will never text you back. I want you to feel the same pain as me. I want you to have the same amount of sorrow in your soul.
And I hope that you will finally realize what kind of a woman you had next to you.
I hope that your guilt will eat you alive. I hope that you will wake up at night screaming my name, but I won’t be on the other side of your bed there to tell you that everything will be okay.
You should have listened to me when I was leaving your house in tears, swearing to you that you would miss me one day. I remember you laughing, telling me that something like that wouldn’t ever happen. So, I am asking you: “Why aren’t you laughing now?” Is it too much to laugh and cry at the same time? Just give it a shot; I did it many times and it is not as difficult as it seems.
But the biggest difference between you and me is that I was the one who could bring you back, but unfortunately there’s no chance of that now. All you can do is ask God to send you a woman like me, but don’t think that she will love you like I did.
Only one fool was willing to do that for you – the one you will miss every single day for the rest of your life!