Como agir com o seu ex que te deixou? 20 maneiras de se curar

It’s painful enough when your ex breaks up with you, but having to see them around can make it impossible to put it all behind you. Staying away from your ex after the breakup is the best way to deal with it, but what to do when it’s not an option?

When you’re recovering from the end of a relationship and don’t know how to act around your ex who dumped you, it doesn’t matter whether you want them back or not. A sua prioridade neste momento deve ser proteger o seu coração e a sua autoestima.

Por outras palavras, tem de se colocar em primeiro lugar. O facto de querer recuperar o seu ex, manter a amizade ou pôr a relação para trás das costas não tem qualquer importância porque é preciso primeiro curar. 

Eis algumas dicas sobre como lidar com o contacto com o seu ex e, ao mesmo tempo, melhorar.

How To Act Around Your Ex Who Dumped You: Do’s & Don’ts

Se costumava namorar com um colega de trabalho ou de turma, pode ser difícil saber como agir em relação ao seu ex que a deixou e manter a calma. E se tiverem um filho juntos e decidirem ser co-pais? Ou se partilham amigos em comum que nenhum de vocês quer deixar de ter?

What’s the best way to act when your ex is in your space, when even running into them is stressful?

13 do’s that help your self-esteem

1. Deixe-se sentir os seus sentimentos

Getting dumped hurts, but it’s more than that. You’re left with a mess of feelings in your heart that threaten to overwhelm and defeat you.

It’s not only pain you feel, but also shame, betrayal and anger, and before you can move on, you have to deal with all of these feelings. If you try to bury them, they’ll burn you from the inside, but if you let yourself feel them, they’ll burn out.

2. Fazer do seu bem-estar uma prioridade

A coisa mais eficaz que pode fazer quando quer deixar de estar agarrado ao seu ex é substituir o pensamento sobre o seu ex por concentrar-se no seu próprio bem-estar.

That means you must make a conscious decision to put yourself first. Lots of people have trouble with this because they were taught that doing so means that they are selfish, but it doesn’t.

Isto significa que deve cuidar bem de si próprio. Conscientemente Reserve tempo para os cuidados básicos de si próprio, mas também para gerir o stress, fazer coisas que melhorem o seu humor e aprender a dizer não.

3. Perdoa o teu ex

Por que razão perdoarias ao teu ex se ele te deixou? Porque o perdão não tem nada a ver com eles e tem tudo a ver consigo.

Forgive doesn’t mean forget. It’s not an excuse to let yourself get hurt again. Perdoar significa assumir o controlo dos seus sentimentos negativos e deixá-los ir. Só assim é que se pode fechar o ciclo e seguir em frente.

4. Aceitar a separação

Depois de levar com os pés, uma das coisas mais difíceis que pode fazer é aceitar o facto, especialmente se ainda sentir algo pelo seu ex. A tentação de o contactar e implorar-lhe que o aceite de volta pode ser avassaladora.

When you accept that it’s over, you put your dignity above your desire. Em vez de tentar fazer com que alguém que o deixou o aceite de volta, perceba que o seu respeito próprio é muito mais importante.

Even if it’s impossible to forget your ex right now, you can move in that direction if you decide to accept the breakup.

RELACIONADO: As fases inevitáveis de uma separação (+ 5 fases de luto)

5. Vive a tua vida

Even though seeing your ex can make you relive the breakup all over again, it doesn’t mean that you should change your life because of them. Don’t adjust your life to accommodate your ex – don’t change plans to avoid them or give up on something to stay away.

When you run into your ex, it’s going to be rough, but that’s why you’re preparing for it. There’s no reason why you should avoid going somewhere just because your ex might be there or doing something because it has something to do with them.

Don’t allow your ex to control your life.

6. Refuse contact you don’t want

On the other hand, if you find it too painful to see your ex, just don’t. Obviously, in some cases completely avoiding them is impossible, but you can spare yourself a lot of stress if you minimizar o contacto tanto quanto possível.

For example, if you work with your ex and you have to interact with them, keep things professional. Do your job but don’t engage your ex otherwise. Say hello and exchange basic pleasantries, but tell them you’re busy if they try to chat.

Quando tiver de trabalhar em algo em conjunto com o seu ex, seja educado e cortês, mas dispense a conversa fiada.

This isn’t the time to worry about what other people or your ex will think. If you maintain a friendly demeanor and focus on the work you’re doing, no one can reproach you.

7. Estabelecer limites

Boundaries define what behaviors you’re comfortable with and what you won’t tolerate. For example, if you don’t want your ex to contact you on social media you should let them know and they should respect that. If they don’t, you can block them.

Infelizmente, you’ll often run into resistance when you try to estabelecer os seus limites. Your ex might tell you that it’s not a big deal, that you should stop using the app if it bothers you so much, that you’re being unreasonable, or some other excuse.

But there’s no reason why you should endure something that bothers you. Os limites saudáveis são um sinal de saúde autoestima e nunca se deve comprometer isso. 

Let your ex know what you’ll tolerate and what you won’t and don’t let them guilt you into letting them act however they please.

8. Estar preparado

Se sabe que pode encontrar o seu ex, esteja preparado. Tenha um plano ou, pelo menos, uma vaga ideia de como quer reagir quando se cruzar com o seu ex. Even though these things rarely go as planned, at least you won’t get caught off guard.

For example, have an excuse prepared if you want to politely brush them off. If you know that you don’t want to talk to them, but you also don’t want to ignore them, make sure that you know what to say so that you don’t fumble.

It doesn’t really matter what your ex might think even if you do, but it might give you anxiety later, so it’s best to have an action plan ready. 

“Smile and keep walking” is the best strategymas também pode pensar noutra coisa que funcione para si.

9. Ter cópias de segurança

Confiar nos seus amigos e familiares depois de uma separação pode ajudá-lo a ultrapassar a situação. You don’t have to do everything alone. 

Find at least one person you can openly talk to and share your feelings regarding the breakup. It can even be a counselor if you don’t have anyone close to you nearby.

There’s no shame in hiding behind your loved ones when you have to deal with your ex. Your friends can act as a buffer between you until it doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. Just having someone with you when you’re near your ex can make a major difference.

Se partilha o mesmo grupo de amigosApós uma separação, pode sentir-se isolado. At this time it’s better to turn to friends you and your ex don’t share.

Até que deixe de doer, tente evitar sair com os seus amigos comuns se souber que o seu ex vai lá estar. There’s no reason to hide or run away, but don’t force yourself to hurt your broken heart even more.

10. Agir como sempre

There’s no need to act as if you’ve suddenly become someone new and improved. The temptation to show your ex how well you’re doing is understandable, but a tua ex vai ver através de ti se tentares fingir.

Instead, it’s much better to keep your composure and act like you always do. You don’t have to prove your ex anything. Don’t act out or make a scene.

It’s best for your autoestima if you don’t let your ex notice your sadness. It might feel good to show it at that moment, but as soon as it’s over, you’ll feel awful.

If you think that seeing your ex will be painful, try to avoid them until it doesn’t, but if you can’t, find your composure and prove para si próprio que o seu ex não tem poder sobre si.

11. Ser amigável e educado

Seja sempre o mais educado possível com o seu ex. This doesn’t only help you avoid a public scene, but it also shows that you’re strong.

Imagine how seeing your ex and getting into a fight with them would make you feel. You’d get upset, cry and your whole day would be ruined. Your ex would be glad that they ended things with you. You’d leave an impression of someone needy and desperate.

Por outro lado, being polite shows your ex that you’re the bigger person, but also that you want to keep a distance. Seja amigável, sendo cortês, não próximo.

12. Ser breve

Whenever you have to interact with your ex, keep it as short as possible. This is how you’ll avoid getting into things with your ex you might not want to get into. 

Uma forma de o conseguir é concentrar-se apenas na razão pela qual tem de estar perto do seu ex.

If your ex is a co-worker, only talk about the work you’re doing together. Don’t let them distract you with small talk or irrelevant chit-chat. 

If you co-parent with your ex, only discuss important information about your kids. When they ask you how you’ve been, say you were fine but don’t elaborate.

Nalguns casos, o seu ex tentará repetidamente envolvê-lo numa conversa que, nesta altura, poderá não conseguir aguentar. É preciso ser firme e voltar sempre ao assunto que tem de falar com eles.

13. Manter a calma

Needless to say, when you feel broken after getting dumped, it would be easiest to scream and yell at your ex or beg them to take you back but it’s the last thing you want to do.

Para manter a calmaPara isso, é preciso estar determinado a pôr-se em primeiro lugar. É isto que lhe dará a inspiração para se manter calmo.

Your well-being is more important than showing your ex you’ve moved on. Your peace of mind is more important than getting back at your ex. Getting your life back on track is more important than having your ex take you back.

You’re important, not your ex. Repita isto a si próprio para o ajudar a manter-se calmo.

Ver também: O meu ex tem uma nova namorada: 12 dicas para lidar com isso com graça

7 don’ts to protect your heart

1. Don’t be negative

There are lots of ways you can end up the villain of a breakup that wasn’t your fault, and most of them can be connected to how you appear after the breakup.

Reigning in all negativity towards your ex will help you stay the mature one who doesn’t need to prove anything. You know what they’re like and what they’ve done and it’s not your job to make it known.

Don’t criticize your ex or badmouth them in front of everyone you know. Don’t try to get revenge, because it will backfire. Apenas pintará tu in a bad light because you stayed with such a horrible person or make people think you’re exaggerating.

Se o seu ex está a falar mal de si, deve ponderar até que ponto as palavras dele são prejudiciais para si e para a sua reputação. 

If you don’t really care, let the people who told you about it know that they should stop reporting back to you. They can also ask your ex to stop talking about you to them.

Se o seu ex está a virar o seu filho contra si, fale com o seu filho e diga-lhe que ele também tem a opção de se recusar a ouvir. Conforte-os se ficarem perturbados, falando abertamente.

2. Don’t ignore your ex

When you see your ex for the first time after the breakup, no doubt you’ll be tempted to act like you haven’t noticed them. It might work once, but next time it will be obvious that you’re ignoring them.

Depois de uma separação, seria mais fácil fingir que o seu ex não está presente quando o vê, mas se quiser realmente mostrar a sua força, enfrentá-los de frente. Estabelecer contacto visual, reconhecer a sua presença e ser educado.

And that’s it. You don’t have to hang out with your ex. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Em vez de lhes dar atenção, passe para algo ou alguém realmente interessante.

3. Don’t get emotional

If you feel like you’re going to cry or get angry when you see your ex, excuse yourself and leave as calmly as possible. Don’t show your ex that you’re hurting even if you are. You might feel like a wreck, but your ex doesn’t need to know that.

This isn’t about denying your emotions. You absolutely should address how you feel, but your ex shouldn’t be your audience when you do. Desfazer-se em lágrimas ou ficar furioso à frente do seu ex não vai conseguir nada, exceto fazer com que se sinta ainda pior.

4. Don’t try to “win the breakup”

You shouldn’t cry in front of your ex, but don’t pretend to be happy. If you want to show your ex that you’ve moved on and are doing well when you’re not, you’ll only seem desperate. 

Don’t pretend like you’ve changed into someone cool or that you’re living your best life if you’re not. 

Your ex will see through all of this, but that’s not why you should stop pretending that you’re doing better than they are. The real reason why there’s no need to win the breakup is that your ex doesn’t matter.

It’s not a competition. It’s not important who’s doing better. Why? Because you don’t have to prove anything to your ex. O brilho pós-separação tem tudo a ver consigo.

That’s easy to say, but para começar a acreditar realmente nisso, é preciso pôr-se a si próprio em primeiro lugar. It’s only important how you feel and how you can make yourself really feel better. Your ex’s reaction has no influence on your life.

5. Don’t try to make your ex jealous

A tentar obter o seu ex voltar fazendo-lhes ciúmes nunca funciona. Sure, they could come back, but it’s never because they’ve dealt with their issues and now want a healthy relationship. Don’t let yourself be fooled.

If your ex wants to get back together only after you’ve started seeing someone else, face the facts and realize that they don’t really want you. They only want what they can’t have. Using rebounds and jealousy to manipulate your ex’s feelings will only hurt you.

6. Don’t obsess about your ex

If you don’t know how to act around your ex who dumped you and you want to learn just one thing, let it be this: don’t think about your ex.

The worst thing you can do to yourself after a breakup is show too much interest in your ex. You’re only making things worse for yourself, especially if it was your ex who ended the relationship in the first place.

A sua dignidade, respeito por si próprio e cura devem estar em primeiro lugar. If you want to get over your ex, remove them from your thoughts as much as possible. When you see them, don’t engage in unnecessary conversation.

When you talk to your ex, don’t discuss the breakup, your feelings, the reasons for the breakup or anything else that will put salt in your wounds. As coisas de que fala com o seu ex devem ser superficiais ou práticas.

Don’t analyze their words, actions and body language trying to prove something to yourself. Evite dar a si próprio falsas esperanças e imaginar coisas. If you love yourself, be strict about this and don’t break your own heart.

RELACIONADO: Tudo o que precisas de saber sobre aprender a amar-te a ti próprio

7. Don’t let your ex provoke you

Your ex might be the kind of person who isn’t satisfied with just hurting you, they might also want to twist the knife so that they can feel better about their own life. Se o seu ex está a agir de forma agressiva e a tentar obter uma reação da sua parte, não deixe que ele o provoque.

Also, you shouldn’t stoop on your ex’s level and try to bait them. Seeing your ex angry won’t bring you satisfaction. A única coisa que o libertará é seguir em frente.

Deve alguma vez contactar um ex que o deixou?

If your ex dumped you because you’ve done something to hurt them, trying to contact them while they’re trying to stay away won’t get them back. If the breakup wasn’t your fault, you should still nunca contactar um ex que te deixou.

Contactar o seu ex só o fará parecer desesperado. Não importa o quanto sinta falta do seu ex-namorado ou ex-namorada, making the first move after they’ve broken up with you is needy and unattractive. Seguir o regra de não contacto religiosamente.

Your mantra during the recovery period should be “compassion, self-respect, confidence.”

• Be kind to yourself e delicado com os seus sentimentos.

• Don’t lower yourself implorando a alguém que te deixou para que te aceite de volta.

• Believe in your own value even if your ex didn’t.

Como fazer com que o seu ex se arrependa de a ter deixado?

Thinking about how your ex feels means that they still have power over you. The urge to be petty and make them regret what they’ve done to you is understandable, but o seu ex merece realmente algum esforço?

Em vez de pensar em como melhorar a sua aparência, juntar-se a alguém melhor ou conseguir algo fantástico só para que o seu ex se arrependa de a ter deixado, canalize essa energia para o amor-próprio e faça tudo por si.

It’s not your ex’s mind you need to change, it’s your own. You don’t have anything to prove to someone who left you. You owe it to yourself to start feeling better and loving yourself. Refuse to to focus on your ex – instead, fazer com que o seu mundo gire à sua volta.

O que fazer quando o seu ex quer voltar a namorar?

Quando o seu ex quer voltar a namorar, primeiro avaliar como se sente em relação a isso antes de lhes dar uma segunda oportunidade.

• Do you want it or are you only considering it because it’s easier than getting back into the world of dating?

• Do you have feelings for your ex ou é apenas um hábito?

• If you were to get back together, as coisas seriam diferentes?

• Does the razão pela qual se separaram ainda existe?

• Would your relationship last desta vez?

Penso que deve nunca aceitar de volta um ex que te deixou. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but make sure you’re not taking them back because you’re used to being with them and you don’t want to leave your comfort zone.

Don’t get back together if the reason why you broke up hasn’t been dealt withporque a última coisa que se quer é acabar duas vezes por causa do mesmo assunto.

Como superar o seu ex?

Naturalmente, o seu primeiro passo deve ser cortar todo o contacto com o seu ex. Apague todos os números de telefone e bloqueie todas as contas de redes sociais que ele possa utilizar para o contactar ou que você possa utilizar para lhe telefonar ou enviar mensagens de texto.

There are no shortcuts when you’re trying to esquecer um ex. Para se curar, tem de fazer o luto da relação e trabalhar os seus sentimentos passo a passo. If you try to rush it, you’ll always carry unhealed scars.

Peça ajuda à sua família e aos seus amigos. Vent and complain, but don’t obsess over your ex. Come to terms with the breakup and think about what didn’t work. After your pain becomes bearable, distract yourself from thinking about your ex.

O melhor que pode fazer é encontrar algo que o ajude a deixar de pensar neles, mas que também o faça melhorar de alguma forma. Encontre algo que goste de fazer e faça-o em vez de ficar a remoer o seu ex.

Deve continuar a ser amigo do seu ex?

You can stay friends with your ex, but only if you’re not harboring any hopes about getting back together. If either of you wants reconciliation, you can’t be friends. 

You won’t figure out down the line that you were meant to be after all, but instead you’ll just end up broken-hearted.

Another condition for staying friends is that neither of you has done something that the other person can’t forgive. You can’t be friends if one or both of you are holding a grudge. A menos que não haja ressentimentos, a amizade é impossível.

A linha de fundo

Getting dumped can be devastating, especially if you were in love with your ex. Everyone knows that the no-contact rule works, but what if your ex is someone you can’t avoid? How to act around your ex who dumped you?

Em vez de se magoar ainda mais, concentrando-se no seu ex após a separação, proteger os seus sentimentos deve ser uma prioridade. Keep things short, be polite and don’t ignore them, but make sure you stay distant and formal.Afirme calmamente os seus limites e concentre-se no seu bem-estar. If you don’t allow your ex to stay relevant in your life, you’ll heal much faster than if you think about them all the time.