Como controlar as suas emoções numa relação: 20 tácticas comprovadas

Quando nos tornamos adultos, todos esperam que aprendamos magicamente a controlar as nossas emoções numa relação. Well, isn’t it time we all admit we have no clue how it’s done?

Sei que encarei o controlo dos meus sentimentos como uma missão impossível. Demorei algum tempo a dominá-lo e, agora, aqui estou eu, a partilhar a minha sabedoria convosco.

Como controlar as suas emoções numa relação

Siga este guia passo a passo para recuperar o controlo das suas emoções:

1. Identificar as suas emoções

You can’t expect to learn how to control your emotions if you haven’t reached a stage where you can identify them in the first place. Reprimir as suas emoções might seem like the easier way to go, but trust me – in the long run, it will only cause you trouble.

That is why the first step of this process requires you to be honest with yourself. A lot of people have a habit of, for example, claiming to be angry when they’re actually sad.

Esta prática não é benéfica para a sua saúde mental. Em vez disso, seja suficientemente corajoso para olhar todas as suas emoções negativas nos olhos e enfrentá-las como um adulto.

2. Encontre os seus gatilhos

Todos nós temos pensamentos e emoções negativas. Mas a chave para a inteligência emocional é conhecermo-nos suficientemente bem para chegarmos ao fundo dos nossos estímulos.

Qual é o padrão de comportamento na vossa relação que vos faz sentir mal? Quais são as coisas que mais o provocam? E, mais importante, porquê?

Let’s say that your significant other doesn’t reply to your text. That is your trigger, and it makes you feel bad.

Mas porque é que se sente assim? Isso fere o teu ego? Sente-se emocionalmente negligenciada?

Este comportamento desencadeia a sua questões de abandono? Tem questões de confiança that make you believe they’re texting someone else?

3. Don’t judge yourself

When you’re trying to figure out how to control your emotions in a relationship in a healthy way, you must forget about self-judgment. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for feeling a certain emotion.

Who says that a certain feeling isn’t appropriate? Who says that you’re not allowed to feel that way? Your emotional state is your business alone, and you should accept and embrace all of your emotions.

4. Tentar ser o mais realista possível

One of the hardest things is to observe your love life from a realistic point of view. After all, you’re involved with it, and sometimes it’s impossible to be objective.

However, for the sake of your mental well-being, you have to try and take a step back. Forget about the infatuation, the anger, true love, resentment, grudges… Actually, try forgetting about all of your emotions completely.

Em vez disso, observar a vossa relação como alguém de fora. Imagine que um amigo próximo veio ter consigo com este problema exato.

O que é que lhes diria? Bem, aplique esse mesmo conselho a si próprio!

5. Observe your partner’s emotions

Da mesma forma que se concentra nos seus sentimentos, se quiser um relação saudável, you should also observe your partner’s emotions.

Vocês são uma equipa e as vossas reacções estão normalmente ligadas. A sua cara-metade também tem dificuldade em controlar as suas emoções?

Is it possible that you trigger each other’s negative thoughts and emotions? In that case, you don’t have a healthy relationship, and that’s something you should work on before anything else.

6. Remember that you’re in charge

Whatever happens, you must keep one thing in mind: you’re in control here! Even when it appears like things are falling apart, you’re the one holding the steering wheel.

Your emotions don’t control you – you’re in charge of them. You’re the combination of your heart and mind, and it’s your job to find balance between the two.

What’s even worse than allowing your emotions to take control over you is allowing someone else to be in charge of your feelings and entire well-being. You should never get yourself into a situation where your entire mood depends on another person.

I don’t care if we’re talking about true love here – your partner shouldn’t have that kind of power over you. You’re not their puppet, and they shouldn’t be pulling the strings!

7. Rodeie-se de positivismo

Afastar-se de pessoas negativas, and you’ll stay away from negative emotions as well. I don’t care if these toxic people are your closest friends or family members – if they’re bringing negativity into your life, ditch them.

What if you’re surrounded by negativity in a place you can’t escape from, for example, at work? Well, if you can’t find another job, at least compensate for that negativity with as much positivity as you can. In the meantime, please try looking for a new job because your mental health should come first!

Why not try taking a break from social media? You spend all of your days scrolling through other people’s fake posts and fake love lives.

So naturally, you assume that you have it worse. Everyone’s partner treats them better – they get more expensive gifts, and they are intimate all the time.

On the other hand, your relationship looks like a wreck compared to theirs. Consequently, you become overwhelmed with negative emotions you can’t control.

8. Deixar de pensar demasiado e de se preocupar demasiado

Como controlar as suas emoções numa relação: Bem, comece pelos seus pensamentos.

As long as you dissect everything your partner says or does, you’ll be overwhelmed with negativity. Trust me, overthinking and worrying too much are your biggest enemies.

Don’t get me wrong – this doesn’t mean that you should just go with the flow. You’re still in charge of your life, and thinking your decisions through is the mature thing to do.

However, you don’t have to analyze every little thing that happens in your relationship. Most importantly, you don’t need to assume that there will always be the worst possible outcome.

Yes, you should take control of your emotions. However, you should be aware that you can’t have full control over everything that happens to you. That’s why you have to deixar de pensar demasiado na sua relação.

Some things are meant to be, and you thinking about them and worrying yourself sick won’t prevent them from happening. So, why not sit back and enjoy your life instead of ruining it?

9. Comunicação saudável

You can’t have a healthy relationship without comunicação saudável. And you can’t hope to figure out how to control your emotions in a relationship if it isn’t healthy.

I mean, it’s completely natural that you’ll be angry, frustrated, and unhappy all the time if you and your partner fight every day. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that there won’t be any arguments in your relationship.

No entanto, o respeito mútuo deve existir mesmo quando os dois discutem. Pratique falar devagar e com calma, sem levantar a voz. Se necessário, conte até dez antes de dizer algo no meio de uma discussão.

But that’s not the entire point of healthy communication. You both have to learn how to verbalize your feelings correctly, without the fear of judgment.

Comunicação em linguagem corporal

Another important aspect of healthy communication is body language communication. If you and your partner display aggressive or avoidant body language, you’ll have a hard time controlling your negative emotions.

10. Encontrar a origem das suas emoções negativas

We’ve already discussed the fact that you should stay away from whatever triggers your negativity. But it’s time to look at something else, as well: the source of your negative thoughts and emotions.

O caminho para a prática inteligência emocional is to understand why you feel the way you do. Dwell deep inside yourself and try figuring out where these negative feelings are coming from. I bet they’ve piled up for a reason.

Como é que foi tratado na infância? Qual é a sua estilo de fixação? Tem alguma bagagem emocional de uma relação anterior?

Estas perguntas podem não parecer relacionadas com o seu romance atual, mas acredite em mim, as respostas são cruciais.

11. Pedir ajuda profissional

If you find it impossible to take control of your emotions, maybe it’s time to ask for professional help. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to diagnose you, but there are several personality disorders and mental health conditions that might prevent you from taking charge of your feelings.

Se receia sofrer de um determinado problema de saúde mental ou se apenas sente que as suas emoções são demasiado fortes para si, consulte um profissional de saúde mental. Um especialista diagnosticá-lo-á e, sobretudo, indicar-lhe-á o caminho a seguir ao longo desta viagem.

Even if you have a personality disorder or suffer from something else, it’s not the end of the world. It definitely doesn’t make you crazy.

Pelo contrário, enfrentar os seus problemas a tempo e pedir ajuda profissional é uma atitude madura e corajosa!

12. Envolver-se no autocuidado

O amor-próprio, o respeito por si próprio e o cuidado consigo próprio são fundamentais para se manter são e mentalmente saudável. Todas estas coisas combinadas aumentam a sua autoestima e farão com que se sinta muito melhor consigo mesmo numa relação.

You have to be aware of one thing: the romance you’re currently in is not the most important relationship in your life. In fact, the one you have with yourself is.

Se dominar a arte de amor-próprio, your partner will have no choice but to follow your lead. You’re showing them by example that there is a certain standard you’re willing to settle for and that anything less is unacceptable.

The same goes for self-respect. The more you respect yourself, the more respected you’ll feel in your relationship. Consequently, there will be way fewer negative feelings to deal with.

O autocuidado é também uma parte importante desta viagem. Temos de aprender a mimar-nos. Quando se aprende a tratarmo-nos como alguém que amamos, your mood won’t be affected by anyone’s actions.

13. Métodos de autoajuda

When you’re trying to figure out how to control your emotions, you have to learn how to deal with their consequences as well. What should you do when a negative feeling gets the best of you? How do you stop the process and help yourself?

You know exactly what I’m talking about – you feel anger, hatred, or sadness taking over. You’ve reached the level of emotional intelligence to recognize the signs that they’re there, but now, you need the tools to overcome them and calm yourself down.

O melhor e mais simples método é respirar fundo. Isto abrandará o ritmo cardíaco e ajudá-lo-á a pensar com clareza.

If possible, remove yourself from the situation. Tell your partner that you need some time off and that you’ll finish your discussion after you calm down.

Finally, if you’re really not feeling well, try accessing a mental health resource, such as a hotline in your area, or even call your therapist.

14. Permanecer no presente

Many people have a hard time remaining in the present moment, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Even if everything is going great now, you can’t stop thinking about that argument you and your significant other had a few weeks ago.

Ou continua a preocupar-se com o futuro. Para onde vai esta relação? Vocês os dois têm um futuro juntos? Vão acabar por passar o resto das vossas vidas um com o outro?

E se o teu namorado te deixar? E se ele se apaixonar por outra pessoa? Como é que poderia viver a vida sem ele?

The list of these questions is endless, but I’m sure you get the point. At the end of the day, you’re consumed by negative feelings that have nothing to do with the present moment.

Em vez de aproveitar o que tem agora, passa a maior parte do tempo a stressar com cenários potenciais ou com certas coisas que deviam ter ficado no passado.

15. Praticar a gratidão

If you’re wondering how to control your emotions in a relationship, the answer is to focus on positive emotions. Easier said than done, I know.

Bem, porque não tentar praticar a gratidão para uma mudança? Em vez de prestar toda a sua atenção às coisas que faltam na sua relação, olhe para as que tem.

Can’t think of anything? Start writing a gratitude journal.

Every night before you go to bed, write down everything good that happened between you and your partner that day. But make sure you don’t take anything for granted.

Write down things such as: “We shared a passionate kiss,” “They sent me a good morning text.”, “They hugged me.”, “They made me laugh.”, “They helped me bring in the groceries.” and so on.

This way, you’ll go to sleep with a smile on your face, filled with positive emotions. Not only that: the next time you are overwhelmed with negative feelings, just open your gratitude journal and start reading. All of a sudden, you’ll realize there is not so much to worry about.

16. Sem pressupostos

A wise man once said that assumptions are the termites of relationships. Don’t overestimate yourself by thinking of yourself as a mind reader.

Trust me, you have no clue what is going on in your partner’s head. Não há absolutamente nenhuma necessidade de se preocupar com o facto de eles o deixarem só porque presume que isso vai acontecer.

Don’t stress yourself out about your partner allegedly being angry if they hadn’t specifically told you that was how they felt.

And it works the other way around as well. Never think that they can assume how you feel – you must verbalize your emotions and be direct. It’s the only way to protect them!

17. Encontrar um sistema de apoio

Se continuar a ter dificuldade em descobrir como controlar as suas emoções numa relação, fale com alguém em quem confie para além do seu parceiro. Dirija-se a um amigo próximo ou a um familiar e fale com ele sobre as suas emoções.

Even though your loved ones are not mental health experts, they know you to the bottom of your heart. They might help you process or understand your emotions. Maybe they’ve been through a similar situation or dealt with some mental health issues that made them feel like they’re losing control.

If nothing else, they’ll hear you out and give you a shoulder to cry on – which is sometimes more than enough.

18. Ser aberto sobre o assunto

No entanto, a pessoa mais importante com quem deve falar sobre este problema é o seu parceiro. Even if you’re dealing with a certain mental health condition or a personality disorder that causes your alterações de humorÉ algo com que a sua cara-metade deve estar familiarizada.

Fale com eles sobre os seus estímulos, para que o possam ajudar a evitar os que mais o afectam.

No, this doesn’t mean that you’re asking them to treat you like a porcelain doll. But they should know what you’re struggling against.

And if they love you enough, they won’t let you go through this alone. They’ll hold your hand and help you learn how to control your emotions in a relationship.

19. A arte do perdão

Lembra-se de termos falado que não vale a pena olhar para o passado? Bem, para que isso seja possível, é preciso aprender como perdoar o seu parceiro.

Se vocês os dois ultrapassaram algumas coisas e se a vossa relação sobreviveu a alguns obstáculos, porque é que ainda guardam rancores? O ressentimento é uma das emoções negativas mais poderosas e é preciso livrar-se dele antes que o coma vivo.

I won’t lie to you: forgiving isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes it’s the hardest thing you have to do. However, you’ll feel liberated once you achieve it.

20. Arranjar uma vida

Okay, this might sound harsh, but you’ll never learn how to control your emotions in a relationship until you deixar de ser emocionalmente dependente no seu parceiro. As long as they’re the only person who can control your mood swings, I’m sorry to say, but you’re doomed.

It’s great that you’re so invested in your relationship. However, it doesn’t mean your entire world should revolve around it.

Resumindo, arranje uma vida fora do seu romance. Saia com os amigos, encontre alguns passatempos e, mais importante, trabalhe em si.

Para terminar:

Once you learn how to control your emotions in a relationship, you’ll reach a level of emotional intelligence you didn’t even know existed. These skills will help in all other fields of your life and in all the other relationships you have.

Mais importante ainda, ajudará a melhorar a sua saúde mental, e não há nada mais importante do que isso!