Guia completo: Como responder a um ex que pergunta como você está

Relationships come to an end, and it can be difficult to move on. So what do you do when, after you’ve finally managed to move on, they hit you up with what seems to be an innocuous text? Or even worse, if your ex contacts you while you’re still not over them?

Como responder a um ex que lhe pergunta como está, e será que se deve dar ao trabalho? Para encontrar a resposta a esta pergunta, tem de analisar bem algumas coisas sobre si e sobre a sua relação com o seu ex e pensar cuidadosamente sobre o que é que realmente quer.

Here’s how to do it step-by-step.

Como responder a um ex que pergunta como você está

Quando se trata de relações, as coisas complicam-se sem darmos por isso. Escolher como responder a um ex que lhe pergunta como está é uma dessas coisas complicadas. There isn’t really one correct answer to this dilemma because it depends on many factors, such as:

1. Antes de decidir se deve ou não responder, deve começar por recordar porque é que se separaram em primeiro lugar.

2. Em seguida, considere o seu estado emocional. Como se sente em relação ao seu ex-namorado ou ex-namorada neste momento? Já o esqueceu? Ainda sentes alguma coisa por eles?

3. Depois, pense no que quer que seja a sua relação com o seu ex. Fazer queres voltar a namorar? O motivo que vos levou a separarem-se ainda existe? O que é que a tua ex quer?

If the answers to all of these questions boil down to the fact that you’re over your ex and want to get on with your life, there’s a great way to respond: don’t ignore the text, but treat it like it’s not a big deal. Text back and mention something casual you’ve done recently and ask them how they are.

Respostas casuais

When your ex asks, “How are you?” you can reply with something like one of these:

•“Work has been crazy, but I’m good. You?”

•“Good! Just came home from a run. What about you?“

•“About to go check out that new pizza place near my work. How are you?“

All of these responses show that you’re fine and that you’ve moved on, but that you’re not trying hard to let them know. Some people think that when you’re trying to seem too over your ex, it might come off as an act.

You don’t want to give your ex the satisfaction of thinking you’re still hung up on them. Instead, approach the text like you’re replying to a friend you’re not particularly close to. Basically, your ex isn’t very important in your life, but you’re polite enough to reply to a text.

Agora a bola está no campo deles. Se a vossa separação foi amigável e acha que podem ser amigos neste momento, a resposta dele pode indicar-lhe a melhor forma de o fazer.

That’s it for the short reply when you’re over your ex. On the other hand, keep reading if you’re considering getting back together or are simply in the mood to over-analyze their text.

Porque é que se separaram?

Algumas razões para acabar uma relação doem mais do que outras. Por vezes, a pior dor surge quando se acaba uma relação devido às circunstâncias, apesar de ambos continuarem a amar-se. Até mesmo sair de uma relação abusiva pode ser doloroso devido aos danos emocionais deixados pelo abuso.

You never break up just because, so if you’re thinking about getting back together, there will be no good outcome if the reason for your breakup still exists.

Breakups that can’t be overcome.

• Your values are different.

If you couldn’t agree on certain big things, such as marriage, having kids, or money, there was never much chance of a long-term relationship.

Chegar a um compromisso é quase impossível e é garantido que um ou ambos se sentirão amargurados. As convicções profundas raramente mudam, pelo que a separação foi provavelmente a melhor opção.

• They did something you can’t forgive.

Some people are capable of forgiving things others aren’t. It’s okay if you can’t get over something your ex has done, such as a trair-te. Os seus sentimentos são válidos e deve aceitá-los sem se sentir culpado.

Trying to forgive and stay in a relationship when it’s impossible will result in nothing but resentment and unhappiness.

• The relationship was unhealthy

You shouldn’t even think about returning to a toxic or relação abusiva. Uma relação tóxica pode ter os seus momentos excitantes, mas acaba por se desmoronar mais cedo ou mais tarde.

Procurar desculpas para uma relação abusiva só resultará em mais abusos. It’s highly unlikely that someone abusive the first time around will change.

Even if they’ve been working on their behavior extensively, you should still avoid placing your mental and physical well-being in danger and proteja-se dos abusos.

• You had given up on the relationship

Quando estavam juntos, deixaram simplesmente de fazer um esforço. You weren’t happy, and you weren’t trying to fix it. Your arguments weren’t didn’t solve any of your issues but only made you angry at each other.

Pensar em voltar a este tipo de relação seria apenas por hábito, não por achar que seria bom.

Breakups where there’s still a chance.

• You weren’t ready to break up.

Por exemplo, se estava insatisfeito com alguma coisa na relação e queria mudá-la, pode ter interpretado mal o facto de o seu parceiro não ser a pessoa certa para si. You might have misunderstood each other’s intentions.

Sometimes, you’re just not in the right place mentally, and your breakup had nothing to do with the relationship.

• The reason for your breakup no longer exists.

Se o motivo da separação estiver fora do seu controlo, ainda pode haver uma hipótese de resolver as coisas. You weren’t ready to end your relationship, and now the circumstances that led to it have changed or may be resolved.

For example, if you broke up because you were long-distance, and you live close now. Or you broke up because of something you don’t even remember anymore.

If you’re regretting breaking up, and the reason it happened was external, it might be possible to get your ex back.

• There’s no bad blood.

If you broke up without hurting each other, especially if there was no ‘dumper’ or ‘dumpee,’ a reconciliation might be possible. When the cause of your hurt was the end of your relationship and not the other person, there’s probably no resentment.

Going back to this kind of relationship is easy if there’s a willingness on both sides.

Queres voltar a namorar?

Pergunte a si próprio e dê respostas honestas:

• How do you feel about your ex?

- Ainda os ama??

• Is there still a connection between the two of you?

• Are you still attracted to them?

• Do you trust them?

• Are you prepared to work on your relationship?

Se a resposta a estas perguntas for afirmativa, pense no que quer fazer.

Outra coisa importante a considerar antes de qualquer outra coisa é certificar-se de que o seu ex ainda é solteiro e que lhe mostra sinais de que ainda o querem. If there’s already a new girl or a new guy in your ex’s life, you’re setting yourself up for heartache.

If you’ve already moved on and aren’t single, think about whether you really want to mess up the new relationship you have with your new partner.

Se queres voltar a namorar

Take your time to think about your breakup and feelings before responding to your ex’s text. Don’t think, “My ex texted me. Let’s get back together.” Force of habit might make acredita que ainda quer o seu ex when you really don’t.

Pense bem antes de dar este grande passo. When you’re calm and sure about what you want, send a casual text but show a willingness to talk. Uma resposta simples é a melhor, sem sentimentos intensos e explicações.

So when your ex sends a text saying, “How are you?” you can reply with something that’s a variation of “I’m good, how about you?”

And then it’s their turn. O que quer agora é que o seu ex mostre o mesmo tipo de desejo de voltarem a estar juntos, mas também uma vontade de trabalhar em qualquer que seja a razão da vossa separação.

Se o seu ex diz que quer reconciliar-see, pergunte-lhes o que mudou em relação ao que era antes.

When your ex is in the same place as you, they’re not going to pretend not to know or play games. O seu objetivo neste momento é encontrar uma forma de voltar à relação e resolver os problemas que a fizeram fracassar.

If they continue the conversation and you’re happy with it, arrange to meet up for coffee. Quando se encontrarem, comuniquem abertamente e discutam os vossos sentimentos e problemas. Certifique-se de que o seu ex o quer pelas razões certas e não por hábito.

Mantenha os seus sentimentos sob controlo e lembre-se: a comunicação honesta está em primeiro lugar!

If You Don’t Want To Get Back Together

When you’ve been working on moving on by following the regra de não contactoO facto de o seu ex entrar em contacto pode arruinar todo o seu trabalho árduo. For that reason, it’s best to block them everywhere from the moment you decide that you’re done with them.

Bloqueie e apague o número de telefone da pessoa e bloqueie e deixe de a seguir nas redes sociais. The less chance you have of getting in touch with them, the less chance you’ll do it in a moment of weakness.

So if you’re committed to getting over them, reply with something like, “I’m good, but I think it’s best if we both move on. Please don’t contact me anymore.” It’s going to feel great when you realize you really don’t care about them.

At this point, it’s best if you immediately block them without waiting to see if they’ll reply. By going no contact, you’re dar a si próprio a melhor hipótese de sarar sem as tentações de mensagens de texto ou chamadas telefónicas.

Those might lead to ideas of staying friends or becoming friends with benefits, but neither would work if you’re still hurting. Stay away until you have moved on in your new life, and even then, don’t think about trying to be best friends with your ex.

Why Would Your Ex Ask You How You’re Doing?

Quando o seu ex lhe envia uma mensagem de texto, pode ficar muito contente com isso se quiser voltar a estar com ele, mas tem de ter cuidado.

Dependendo da forma como a vossa relação terminou, o seu ex pode não ter boas intenções. Mesmo que o façam, tem de se colocar a si próprio e aos seus sentimentos em primeiro lugar.

• Your ex wants to get back together.

Só porque sim o teu ex sente a tua falta doesn’t mean you have to talk to them. If you’re in a good place, healing from the breakup, and finally getting your love life back on track, a text message from an ex can cause chaos.

If you’re not interested in getting back together, especially if this person has hurt you, take the advice above and reply curtly, then block them. You don’t owe them anything or to listen to what they have to say if you’ve made your decision.

• Your ex wants to try being friends.

Dependendo da vossa situação emocional, isso pode ser possível se ambos o desejarem. Maybe you broke up because even though you liked each other, a relationship between you just didn’t work.

If you’re not hurting and don’t have hopes of getting back together, if your feelings for them are no longer romantic, and both you and o teu ex pensa que podem ser amigos, pode experimentar.

Certifique-se apenas de que ambos são claros quanto aos seus sentimentos, limites e expectativas.

• Your ex wants to keep you on the hook.

O seu ex pode contactá-lo para se certificar de que ainda tem poder sobre si. Querem ver se uma mensagem de texto ou uma chamada pode abaná-lo e torná-lo fraco à sua influência. Your ex is only seeking validation and doesn’t actually care about your feelings.

Your ex is contacting you to see if you’re single or willing to have a casual relationship. They want to make sure you won’t stop thinking about them if they even want something from you.

They might be trying to keep the possibility of a hook-up open and are simply making sure they’re still desirable.

Don’t try to catch up with your ex if they show signs they’re trying to play games. Don’t succumb to “I miss you,” and don’t let them see that they’re affecting you. Bloqueie-os e siga em frente. It’s going to be hard, but it’s the only way to get on with your life.

Should You Respond At All If You’re Done With Your Ex?

Some people might think that even in this type of situation, it’s best to be polite and reply, but I think that when your feelings are at stake, you should always do what’s best for you.

If this person has hurt you, if your breakup was painful and difficult, if you’re still trying to move on, go ahead and ignore the message. You don’t owe them anything.

You know your ex best, and you’re the best judge of what they might be up to. Their reason for sending this text could be to hurt you more by showing you they’ve moved on or to look for confirmation that they could still have you if they wanted.

On the other hand, your ex might not be a bad person, and they could be genuinely interested in whether or not you’re okay.

This might be even worse if you’re in the processo de tentar levantar-se. Someone who’s bad to you is easier to get over than a good person.

De qualquer forma, nesta altura, o regra de não contacto is the way to go. It’s the only effective way to keep your ex off your mind and let you get over them. Mais tarde, pode pensar se pode ou não ir para ser amigo do seu ex and if they’re someone you want in your life.

Como responder se quiser ser mesquinho

If things ended badly, you might be tempted to reply to their message with an emotionally charged response and show that you’re still mad.

I would recommend against it, but I know that in times of heartbreak, it’s hard to keep a cool head, and sometimes you just want to push back.

Keep in mind that the effect this has on your ex might be the opposite of what you’re hoping for – instead of putting them down, your display of angry feelings might give them the satisfaction of knowing you’re still not over them.

It’s better if you bloquear e ignorarmas se quiser mesmo responder desta forma, proceda com cautela.

• Leave them on seen.

This is a response in itself and has a particular power. It shows you saw their message but didn’t care enough to reply. Don’t go back on it after you’ve opened their text, though, and reply later.

Your ex might think that you needed time to think about what to say, which isn’t the result you want to achieve. If you want time to reply but don’t want them to know you’re thinking about it, read their message from the notification bar without opening it.

• Send a meme.

Mas que seja uma escolha. Look for something funny that shows you’re unbothered and living your best life without your ex. Find a meme that says they’re ridiculous for even trying to talk to you. You don’t have to rush to reply,

• Reply with a single emoji or make a hit combo

You can choose from the select petty emojis below, or if you’re an expert emoji user, pick the combination from your frequently used ones that best shows your feelings.

??‍????✌️?????????

• lol / ?? / ok?

This response might be especially appropriate if their text was something like, “‘sup” or “wyd?”

• Why?/None of your business/Is there a problem?

These sound a bit confrontational, so you might get a reaction if you send one. If that’s what you’re looking for, then this is what you want. Lembre-se que a jogada mais poderosa é ignorar a próxima mensagem do seu ex.

• Already done with your rebound relationship?

You’re clearly showing that you still pay attention to them, that you know they’ve moved on, and that you’re mad about it with a response like this. If you’re trying to provoke them, it’s a great move, but to keep an upper hand, don’t engage at all when they reply.

• This is a nice surprise!/I’m great, thanks for asking! ❤️️

A response like this is clearly sarcastic and making fun of your ex. If they don’t get what you mean, they might get confused and try to go on with the conversation.

If you want to continue replying, keep your tone nice and sweet, and sit back and watch them try to figure out what’s going on.

Conclusão

Trying to figure out how to respond to an ex asking how you are is a challenge because it’s hard to think rationally when your feelings are in turmoil. It’s best to avoid responding to it right away. Dê a si próprio tempo para pensar sobre como se sente e o que quer.

Lembre-se das razões que vos levaram a terminar a relação. Pense porque é que a pessoa o pode estar a contactar. Examine os seus sentimentos e tente perceber o que quer.

Think about whether it’s worth the hassle even replying to your ex. Se optar por fazê-lo, ponha-se a si próprio e aos seus sentimentos em primeiro lugar. There’s no place to worry about hurting your ex’s feelings when they’ve hurt you already.

Acima de tudo, proteja os seus sentimentos.