Como sair de uma relação em 10 passos sem esforço

When you’re going through a devastating breakup, all you want to know is how to sair de uma relação que acabou de terminar. Haverá um feitiço mágico que o possa ajudar? Haverá uma receita secreta para aliviar a dor e ajudá-lo a deixar o passado no passado?

Tenho de o desiludir, mas a resposta é não. No entanto, há pessoas como eu que passaram pelo mesmo e são a prova viva de que a cura e a deixar ir é possível.

Ao contrário de ti, eu tive de passar meses a descobrir como reparar o meu coração partido. Mas acabei por me ensinar a fazê-lo.

E esta é a sua oportunidade de aprender com a minha experiência. So pay close attention to what you’re about to read because it’s the closest thing to that magic formula you’ve been asking about.

10 maneiras de seguir em frente com um relacionamento

Letting an ex go isn’t something you do effortlessly. It’s a process, and if you haven’t done it before, you need detailed guidance.

That’s exactly what you’re about to get. Aqui está um programa detalhado de 10 passos sobre como sair de uma relação.

1. Tomar uma decisão final

I hate to break it to you, but starting this process the healthy way is probably the hardest step. I’m not talking about the tough conversation you have to have with your ex or about finding a new significant other.

I’m talking about the conversation you must have with yourself before anything else. Remember one thing: you’re the one that matters the most here.

That’s why you have to be 100% sure that you want to romper com o seu parceiro romântico. Don’t do it in the heat of the moment just because you two had a nasty argument a few hours ago or because you’re overwhelmed with temporary anger.

Não se esqueça de que se trata de uma decisão séria e que deve ser tomada com calma.

Um dos primeiros erros que as pessoas cometem nesta altura é acabar o namoro por despeito. Quer deixar o seu parceiro só para se vingar dele.

They’ve hurt you, and you see this as the best way to break their heart. Trust me – it’s not.

Also, don’t do it if you expect them to come back running after you. Forget about the entire Se amas alguém, deixa-o ir philosophy; your final goal is not to test their love. This is just your ego talking, and it shouldn’t be a part of your decision-making process.

How to know it’s the right call

Mas como é que se sabe que acabar com alguém é a coisa certa a fazer? Isto é especialmente difícil de perceber quando ainda existem alguns sentimentos fortes envolvidos (especialmente se forem um dos três amores na vida como o seu primeiro amor). 

Don’t worry – I won’t tell you to completely disregard your emotions while making this call. Yes, that would be the smart thing to do, but it’s hardly possible.

No entanto, Vou pedir-vos que se concentrem em a sua compatibilidade. Pergunte a si próprio se o seu romance tem algum futuro pela frente.

Esta pessoa faz-te sentir feliz? Está com ela apenas por hábito? Tornou-se a sua zona de conforto ou vê-se realmente a envelhecer ao lado dela?

Imagine a sua vida sem eles

Here’s an experiment. Try picturing your future without your partner. Yes, it hurts at first. After all, you’ve spent a lot of time together, and that’s perfectly normal.

Mas vê-se mais feliz? Vê-se com mais liberdade? Vê-se a desfrutar mais da vida?

If that’s the case – it’s é altura de deixar esta relação. Just remember once more: don’t plan on going back once you make this decision.

2. Tears are words your heart can’t express

Quando se pergunta às pessoas como ultrapassar uma relaçãoSe não for possível, muitas pessoas dir-lhe-ão que deve endurecer e ser um adulto em relação a toda esta situação. É claro que isto significa que deve agir como se nada tivesse acontecido e continuar com a sua vida num piscar de olhos.

Bem, deixe-me dizer-lhe que não há absolutamente nada de maduro em lidar com uma separação como esta. Este conselho vai apenas ajudar-te a adiar a tua dor.

Reprimir emoções

Let’s be real: most people are embarrassed about their pain. They’re ashamed to show pain when their romantic relationship ends. They don’t want to be perceived as weak and vulnerable.

So what do they do? They bury their negative emotions as deeply as they can. They expect the pain to magically vanish if they pretend it’s not there.

Well, newsflash: the healing process doesn’t work that way. In fact, repressing your emotions can only worsen the situation.

Como? Quando engarrafamos as nossas emoções, elas acabam por sair. Quando menos se espera, elas exploram-nos diretamente na cara.

Pode ser sonhar com o seu ex all the time, calling other people their name, or something like that. Either way, that’s your subconscious telling you to handle your repressed emotions.

For that not to happen, please let yourself heal the healthy way. If you feel like crying, then cry. If you feel like screaming will help, then that’s exactly what you should do.

Your heartbreak left you in pain, and this is your body and mind’s natural reaction to everything you’ve been through. After all, you’re just a human being, so don’t be hard on yourself just because you have human reactions.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’ll spend eternity crying and lamenting over your sad faith. But for starters, see it as a part of your self-care.

3. Obter um sistema de apoio

Getting over your past relationship hurts. It hurts so much that sometimes, you won’t be able to pull it off by yourself.

And that’s perfectly okay. Não há nada de vergonhoso em pedir ajuda e permitir que os outros nos ajudem nos momentos de necessidade.

This doesn’t make you weak or soft. After all, that’s what your loved ones are there for.

Please, tell your best friends and closest family members you’re going through a tough post-breakup period. Don’t be ashamed to tell them that you need them and that you could really use them as a shoulder to cry on.

Come on – I’m sure you’d do exactly the same thing for them as well. The truth is that you can’t expect them all to be at your service 24/7 and leave their lives aside just because you’re in an emergency. But I’m sure nobody will turn you down.

Novos amigos e novos passatempos

Além disso, isto pode ser um óptima oportunidade para conhecer alguns novos amigos. Tem todo aquele tempo livre que costumava desperdiçar com o seu ex, por isso esta é a melhor oportunidade para redirecionar a sua energia para outro lado.

Porque não começar um novo passatempo também? It won’t just help you meet new people – it will also keep your mind off your initial problem.

A relação que tem consigo próprio

But at the end of the day, what matters most is having a healthy relationship with yourself. I deeply encourage you to rely on your best friends and family members for help, but even though you might not be aware of it, you’re your own strongest support system.

Deixem-me contar-vos um pequeno truque. Try treating yourself the way you’d treat a friend who’s going through a breakup.

O que é que lhes diria? Que conselhos lhes daria?

I bet you’d spoil the hell out of them. You’d probably eat ice cream and binge-watch their favorite TV show, am I right?

Deixá-los-ia chorar o seu coração. Ouvi-los-ia falar incessantemente da sua relação passada.

Well, what’s stopping you from treating yourself the same?

Ajuda profissional

If nothing works out, and if your healing process is taking too long, don’t hesitate to ask for professional help. Sim, o tempo cura todas as feridas, but why wouldn’t you talk to someone who knows what you’re going through?

Muitos especialistas em relações specialize in this topic and who’ll tell you exactly how to move on from a relationship.

What is even more important, if you see that all of this is taking a massive toll on your mental health, please go see a professional. No, nobody will think that you’re crazy.

On the contrary, it’s the mature thing to do when you are dealing with a lot.

4. Encontrar a força para perdoar

Forgiving those who’ve done us harm is one of the most difficult things in the world. There they are – the person who broke your heart and who tore you to pieces.

And now you’re expected to be perfectly fine with it? Should you just start acting like they hadn’t destroyed you and like their behavior hadn’t left an unerasable mark on your heart and soul?

Sounds impossible, I know. But that’s exactly what you’ll do.

Not many have the ability to forgive. Only great souls are capable of doing so, and that’s who you are.

Look, forgiveness won’t come overnight. You can’t force yourself to do it, but you can direct yourself towards it.

Porque é que o perdão é importante?

Mas porque é que é importante encontrar a força para perdoar? A pessoa que o magoou tanto merecia o seu perdão?

De modo algum! But you won’t be doing it for them – you’d be doing it for yourself.

Yes, you’ll forgive them even if they never apologize, even if they didn’t have the decency to say “I’m sorry.”

Basicamente, tem duas opções: Podemos deixar que a amargura nos coma vivos. Pode viver no passado, dominado pelo ódio e pela raiva. Ou pode deixar passar e seguir em frente.

But let me tell you something: this resentment doesn’t impact your ex in any way. It doesn’t do them any harm, and you’re not serving them any revenge.

The only person you’re harming with these negative emotions is yourself. They’re turning you into a toxic person. Most importantly: they’re keeping you mentally trapped in your relationship.

That’s why letting go of a relationship is crucial. You have to let go of every single feeling related to this person, including all the grudges.

5. A auto-culpa é o caminho para o inferno

No entanto, há algo ainda mais importante do que perdoar o seu ex: o auto-perdão.

Falling into the trap of self-accusations is quite common in the post-break-up phase for a lot of people. You can’t help but wonder if you could have done something to prevent this from happening.

Algumas pessoas começam a culpar-se por se terem envolvido nesta relação. Isto é especialmente verdade para relações românticas com pessoas tóxicas.

How come I didn’t see who they were in the beginning? How could I have been so blind to all the bandeiras vermelhas mesmo em frente ao meu nariz?

Why didn’t I leave earlier? Why did I let them treat me that badly for so long?

Why didn’t I choose a better outra pessoa significativa? Why did I hope I’d change them?

The important thing in this situation is to understand that what is done is done. You can’t turn back time, and you can’t erase the past, so why waste any energy on it?

Besides, if you were involved in a toxic relationship, remember that you were the victim here. You can’t be to blame for allowing your abuser to get the best of you – the responsibility is all theirs.

Outro padrão comum de auto-culpa é sobre a sua incapacidade de salvar a relação.

Did I leave too soon? Was there anything that could’ve been done about it? Did I make the right choice? Was it me? Am I actually responsible for the breakup?

In this case, keep in mind that you did everything in your power for things not to end. I’m sure you’ve put all of your efforts into this relationship, but the end was inevitable. It was doomed to fail, and if you hadn’t left, it would only have destroyed you as well.

No, you weren’t selfish for choosing your happiness over your romantic relationship. You saved yourself, and that was the right thing to do.

Então, por favor, perdoa-te por cada pequeno erro que cometeste. You didn’t know better at the time, and you did everything from the bottom of your heart.

Lições valiosas

Sabes como se diz: The most valuable lessons aren’t taught – they’re experienced. Well, that’s exactly what you did: you experienced your relationship and the heartbreak that came afterward.

Aposto que tudo isso te ensinou muito mais do que consegues ver agora. Por isso, em vez de se concentrar em todas as coisas más, veja-as como uma oportunidade para aprender.

Em vez de se concentrar em toda a bagagem emocional e traumas, preste atenção a todas as coisas boas que essa relação lhe trouxe.

Antes de mais, agora, you know exactly what you want and don’t want from the opposite sex. Your standards are very clear, and I’m sure you won’t settle for less ever again.

And let’s not forget the most important thing: esta experiência tornou-te muito mais forte. Now you see how much you can handle, and you’re not scared of anything life might throw your way.

Todos os riscos do jogo da culpa

I can’t stress this enough: Don’t even think of engaging in any kind of jogar a culpa com o seu ex. This also applies to the situation when you’re still technically together, and you’re getting the strength for the breakup.

What’s the point of it all? You’ve both done your share of work, and you won’t accomplish anything if you toss the blame ball around.

Na verdade, isso só vos fará sentir pior. No final do dia, será que importa realmente quem é o culpado?

6. O não contacto é o caminho a seguir

Moving on from a serious relationship means you can’t stay friends with your ex. And I really mean it!

This wasn’t a casual fling with no emotions. You shared a life with this person. How do you expect to esquecer o seu ex if they’re still around?

Some people think that staying close to each other is an easier way of healing. Trust me – it’s not.

Actually, every relationship expert will tell you the same: going no-contact is the only sane way to go. It’s the thing you won’t hesitate to do if you want what’s best for your emotional and mental well-being.

There should be no good morning and good night texts, no checking up on each other, no asking your mutual friends about their whereabouts, no “accidentally” meeting one another at “your place,” no making excuses to stay in touch…

Nenhum contacto significa que não há qualquer contacto.

Trust me – if you keep this person out of your sight, you’ll keep them out of your heart and mind as well. It’s literally impossible to get over them if they’re still physically present in your life.

I’ll be honest: this won’t be easy. You’ll miss them like hell, and you’ll feel the urge to contact them all the time.

Mas tens de ser forte. Por favor, lembra-te que isto é para o teu próprio bem. Faz o teu melhor para não pensares em what they’re going through during no contact!

Redes sociais

We’ve come to the real questions: Sobre o quê redes sociais? É necessário bloquear o seu ex em todas as vossas contas? Ou é falta de educação fazê-lo?

Well, it all depends. If you plan on posting stories directed to them, and if you plan on obsessively waiting for their posts and checking their online status, then it’s better to block them right away.

I suppose you don’t want to do this. They’re someone you spent so much time with, and it’s kind of rude to block them, especially if you separated on good terms.

That’s why I suggest a trial period. If you’re really capable of ignoring their existence on social media, you’re free to leave them to your followers.

But if you catch yourself stalking their profiles or waiting for their reply on your story, you know what you’ve got to do.

7. Estabeleça as suas prioridades

As suas emoções e saúde mental está sempre em primeiro lugar! Don’t you ever forget that!

I know it’s easy to let sadness eat you alive. It’s easy to fall into the trap of pessimism and start seeing your life as a dark tunnel without a light ahead.

But that kind of attitude won’t bring you anywhere.

That’s why you must begin practicing amor-próprio imediatamente. Para ser exato, é preciso incorporar amor-próprio e autocuidado no seu vida quotidiana.

Love yourself! Easier said than done, sure. But it’s something you learn how to do.

Once you put yourself in the first place, you’ll realize that nobody is worthy of your tears and suffering. You have to love yourself more than you loved them, which is the whole point.

Reforçar a sua autoestima

A primeira coisa a fazer é começar a trabalhar a sua autoestima. Recordar quem és e quem eras antes do teu romance.

A tua relação falhada fez-te sentir não amado e não desejado, and it’s time to change that perception of yourself.

Just because things didn’t work out with one girl or guy, it doesn’t mean that you’re less worthy. First of all, your relationship status doesn’t define your value at all.

You can spend the rest of your life single (which I’m not saying will happen), but that doesn’t make people in successful love relationships better than you.

Start by focusing on your good sides. If necessary, make a list of all of your qualities and read them out loud every time you’re feeling down.

Continue a trabalhar em si próprio. Por muito boa pessoa que seja, há sempre espaço para melhorar.

But don’t engage in this self-work for the sake of getting your ex back or for the sake of your future relationships. Become the best possible version of yourself for yourself.

Trust me – once you realize how amazing you are, you’ll also understand that you merece muito mais do que o seu ex tinha para oferecer.

8. Rebound relationships won’t help you heal

Quando é que estarei pronto para uma nova relação? Uma nova relação ajudar-me-á a esquecer a anterior?

Estas são as perguntas que os especialistas em relações recebem diariamente. Por um lado, só o facto de pensar em deixar entrar alguém novo na sua vida é um sinal de progresso.

It means that you’re capable of picturing yourself next to a new guy or a girl who isn’t your ex. Great for you!

But before we jump to any conclusions, let’s dig a little deeper and figure out where these questions are really coming from.

It’s one thing if enough time has passed since the end of a relationship. You’ve passed through all the stages of grief, and now you’re ready to get back out there and start something new.

Nevertheless, as long as you’re wondering how to move on from a relationship, you’re probably not there just yet.

It’s more likely that you want a new relationship for all the wrong reasons. Some people think it will ease their pain, some start dating in spite of their ex, and some want to continue exactly where they left off (but with another person this time).

Each one of these reasons is unhealthy. In all of these cases, a new relationship won’t help you.

Actually, what you’re looking for is a relação de ricochete – a situation where you date someone new without getting over your ex.

Porque é que é uma má ideia?

Que mal é que isso pode trazer? Afinal de contas, só quer divertir-se um pouco e esta é a solução perfeita para se distrair.

First of all, a rebound relationship will probably get you through another heartbreak. It’s likely that you’ll be searching for your ex in every new person that crosses your path.

Of course, you won’t find them (luckily!). Sooner or later, you’ll have to admit that this is not the real deal and that you were just trying to find the perfect replacement.

Além disso, este não é um bom mecanismo de cura. A new relationship keeps you occupied, but at the same time, it doesn’t allow you to move on in a forma saudável.

Instead of dealing with your pain and curing it, you focus all of your energy on this new person. Well, that can’t last long. Before you know it, all of your repressed emotions will come and get you.

Finally, you’re hurting an innocent person. You’re dragging a third party into your mess without them even being aware of it.

At the end of the day, you’ll break their heart. And what does that make you? That’s right – it means you’re nothing better than your ex.

Quando é que vou estar pronto?

Nobody can tell you for sure when you’ll be ready for someone new. But I can tell you this: don’t start anything until you’re sure that your emotional baggage won’t interfere with your relação futura.

Há muito tempo para conheça a sua alma gémea. Besides, you can’t rush it as much as you might want to – it will happen when it’s meant to be.

Until then, enjoy your single life and make the most out of it. I promise you – you’ll thank me later!

9. Dar ao tempo a oportunidade de fazer a sua magia

Wouldn’t it be great if we could snap our fingers and stitch our broken hearts back together? But what would be the fun in that, am I right?

Whether you like it or not, healing and letting go take time. Moving on is a process that doesn’t end when we want it to.

Tem as suas fases e é preciso passar por cada uma delas antes de chegar ao objetivo final.

So please, don’t rush yourself and demorar to heal. Or even better – give time enough time to do its magic.

This might sound like a corny cliché, but time really does heal all wounds.

Before you know it, you’ll notice that it has been an entire day since you thought of your past relationship. It doesn’t sound like much, but hey, one step at a time.

10. Encara-o como um novo começo

Tenha em mente o seguinte: o fim de uma relação isn’t the end of your life. Instead, what you should do is look at it as a chance for a novo começo.

Because that’s what this situation really is. It’s a unique opportunity for a fresh start.

Now, after all this time, you’re finally free to do whatever you want with your life. You don’t have to consult anyone about your vacation, place to live, and dozens of other things.

Let’s not forget about all the energy and time you have on your hands. Of course, you can spend it all grieving over your relação falhada.

Or you can invest it in something much better – yourself. You can finally do all the things you’ve been planning to do for so long.

Start with small steps like finishing all the tasks you’ve been procrastinating doing, read that book that’s been lying on your shelf for months. After you see that you can do this, you’re ready to hit the gym, start a new hobby, or learn a new language.

It wasn’t meant to be

Trust me – God gave you this opportunity to live your life the way it’s meant to be. This person wasn’t your soulmate, and it’s better that you’ve realized this on time.

So please, stop living in the past and turn to the future. Every new day is a new chance to do something with your life, and it’s up to you how you use it.

Como sair de uma relação tóxica

It should be easier to move on from a relationship that’s not working, right? After all, you see all the red flags, and it’s clear that things will never change.

Sadly, things don’t always work that way. Na verdade, até se pensa em como resolver a sua relação tóxica.

The trick is that you’re trapped in this endless love-hate circle, and moving on seems impossible.

I’ll tell you the truth: it’s difficult, but it can be done. Besides taking all the steps explained above, the most important thing here is to understand that you’ll never get what you crave.

Por muito que vos mate, matem as vossas esperanças. Things will never be normal, and you’ll never have a healthy relationship with this person.

Se necessário, repita isto a si próprio vezes sem conta até finalmente acreditar.

Como é que se deixa alguém que se ama?

Só há uma maneira de afastar-se de alguém que ainda ama: lembre-se de se amar mais. When you prioritize yourself and put your happiness in the first place, you’ll understand that leaving the person who makes you miserable is the only way to go.

But if that’s not enough, here are some more tips for moving on from someone you still have feelings for:

1. Concentrar-se nos aspectos negativos da relação.
2. Trabalhe em si próprio.
3. Não há contacto.
4. Accept it wasn’t meant to be.
5. Pedir ajuda.

Quanto tempo é que demora a ultrapassar uma relação?

Os especialistas em relações afirmam que o tempo médio até a maioria das pessoas começar a sentir-se melhor depois de uma separação é de três a seis meses. Claro que tudo é opcional, uma vez que as pessoas curam a ritmos diferentes.

Há quem consiga sair de uma relação em poucas semanas. Detesto ter de vos dizer isto, mas algumas pessoas demoram anos a voltar ao caminho certo.

O importante é não se apressar. No entanto, pode definitivamente acelerar o processo se seguir todos os passos acima mencionados.

Para terminar:

Agora que já sabe como sair de uma relação, all you have to do is follow the entire step-by-step program, and you’re ready to go. Sounds like a piece of cake, right?

Well, I think that we both know it’s not. But hey, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.

All I want you to keep in mind is that this won’t be a linear process. Sometimes, you’ll take two steps forward and three steps back.

There will be good and bad days. There will be days when you’ll want to go back to your ex, at all costs. Days when you’ll think you’ll never make it.

Days when you’ll fall. But you know what the best part is? If you do everything right, you’ll always pick yourself back up!

Boa sorte! Eu acredito em si!