When you’re going through a devastating breakup, all you want to know is how to move on from a relationship that just ended. Is there a magic spell that can help you? Is there a secret recipe to ease the pain and help you leave the past in the past?
I have to disappoint you, but the answer is no. Nevertheless, there are people like me who have gone through the same thing and are living proof that healing and letting go is possible.
Unlike you, I had to spend months figuring out how to fix my broken heart. But eventually, I taught myself how to do it.
And this is your chance to learn from my experience. So pay close attention to what you’re about to read because it’s the closest thing to that magic formula you’ve been asking about.
10 Ways To Move On From A Relationship
Letting an ex go isn’t something you do effortlessly. It’s a process, and if you haven’t done it before, you need detailed guidance.
That’s exactly what you’re about to get. Here is a detailed 10-step program on how to move on from a relationship.
1. Make a final decision
I hate to break it to you, but starting this process the healthy way is probably the hardest step. I’m not talking about the tough conversation you have to have with your ex or about finding a new significant other.
I’m talking about the conversation you must have with yourself before anything else. Remember one thing: you’re the one that matters the most here.
That’s why you have to be 100% sure that you want to break things off with your romantic partner. Don’t do it in the heat of the moment just because you two had a nasty argument a few hours ago or because you’re overwhelmed with temporary anger.
Keep in mind that this is a serious decision, and you have to make it calmly.
One of the first mistakes that people make at this point is breaking up out of spite. You want to leave your SO just to get even with them.
They’ve hurt you, and you see this as the best way to break their heart. Trust me – it’s not.
Also, don’t do it if you expect them to come back running after you. Forget about the entire If you love someone, let them go philosophy; your final goal is not to test their love. This is just your ego talking, and it shouldn’t be a part of your decision-making process.
How to know it’s the right call
But how do you know that breaking up with someone is the right thing to do? This is especially difficult to realize when there are still some strong feelings involved (especially if they are one of the three loves in life such as your first love).
Don’t worry – I won’t tell you to completely disregard your emotions while making this call. Yes, that would be the smart thing to do, but it’s hardly possible.
Nevertheless, I will ask you to focus on your compatibility. Ask yourself if your romance has any future ahead.
Does this person make you feel happy? Are you with them just out of habit? Did they become your comfort zone, or do you really see yourself growing old next to them?
Picture your life without them
Here’s an experiment. Try picturing your future without your partner. Yes, it hurts at first. After all, you’ve spent a lot of time together, and that’s perfectly normal.
But do you see yourself happier? Do you see more freedom? Do you see yourself enjoying life more?
If that’s the case – it’s time to let go of this relationship. Just remember once more: don’t plan on going back once you make this decision.
2. Tears are words your heart can’t express
When you ask people how to move on from a relationship, a lot of people will tell you to toughen up and to be a grown-up about this entire situation. Of course, this means that you should act as if nothing happened and move on with your life in the blink of an eye.
Well, let me tell you that there is absolutely nothing mature about handling a breakup like this. This piece of advice will just help you postpone your pain.
Let’s be real: most people are embarrassed about their pain. They’re ashamed to show pain when their romantic relationship ends. They don’t want to be perceived as weak and vulnerable.
So what do they do? They bury their negative emotions as deeply as they can. They expect the pain to magically vanish if they pretend it’s not there.
Well, newsflash: the healing process doesn’t work that way. In fact, repressing your emotions can only worsen the situation.
How? When you bottle your emotions down, they eventually find their way out. When you least expect it, they explore right in your face.
You could either be dreaming about your ex all the time, calling other people their name, or something like that. Either way, that’s your subconscious telling you to handle your repressed emotions.
For that not to happen, please let yourself heal the healthy way. If you feel like crying, then cry. If you feel like screaming will help, then that’s exactly what you should do.
Your heartbreak left you in pain, and this is your body and mind’s natural reaction to everything you’ve been through. After all, you’re just a human being, so don’t be hard on yourself just because you have human reactions.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’ll spend eternity crying and lamenting over your sad faith. But for starters, see it as a part of your self-care.
3. Get a support system
Getting over your past relationship hurts. It hurts so much that sometimes, you won’t be able to pull it off by yourself.
And that’s perfectly okay. There is nothing shameful in asking for help and allowing others to give you a hand in your time of need.
This doesn’t make you weak or soft. After all, that’s what your loved ones are there for.
Please, tell your best friends and closest family members you’re going through a tough post-breakup period. Don’t be ashamed to tell them that you need them and that you could really use them as a shoulder to cry on.
Come on – I’m sure you’d do exactly the same thing for them as well. The truth is that you can’t expect them all to be at your service 24/7 and leave their lives aside just because you’re in an emergency. But I’m sure nobody will turn you down.
New friends and new hobbies
Besides, this could be a great chance to meet some new friends. You have all that spare time you used to waste on your ex, so this is the best opportunity to redirect your energy elsewhere.
Why not start a new hobby as well? It won’t just help you meet new people – it will also keep your mind off your initial problem.
The relationship you have with yourself
But at the end of the day, what matters most is having a healthy relationship with yourself. I deeply encourage you to rely on your best friends and family members for help, but even though you might not be aware of it, you’re your own strongest support system.
Let me tell you a little hack. Try treating yourself the way you’d treat a friend who’s going through a breakup.
What would you tell them? What advice would you give them?
I bet you’d spoil the hell out of them. You’d probably eat ice cream and binge-watch their favorite TV show, am I right?
You would let them cry their heart out. You would hear them endlessly go on and on about their past relationship.
Well, what’s stopping you from treating yourself the same?
If nothing works out, and if your healing process is taking too long, don’t hesitate to ask for professional help. Yes, time does heal all wounds, but why wouldn’t you talk to someone who knows what you’re going through?
Many relationship experts specialize in this topic and who’ll tell you exactly how to move on from a relationship.
What is even more important, if you see that all of this is taking a massive toll on your mental health, please go see a professional. No, nobody will think that you’re crazy.
On the contrary, it’s the mature thing to do when you are dealing with a lot.
4. Find the strength to forgive
Forgiving those who’ve done us harm is one of the most difficult things in the world. There they are – the person who broke your heart and who tore you to pieces.
And now you’re expected to be perfectly fine with it? Should you just start acting like they hadn’t destroyed you and like their behavior hadn’t left an unerasable mark on your heart and soul?
Sounds impossible, I know. But that’s exactly what you’ll do.
Not many have the ability to forgive. Only great souls are capable of doing so, and that’s who you are.
Look, forgiveness won’t come overnight. You can’t force yourself to do it, but you can direct yourself towards it.
Why is forgiveness important?
But why is it even important to find the strength to forgive? Did the person who hurt you so badly deserve your forgiveness?
Absolutely not! But you won’t be doing it for them – you’d be doing it for yourself.
Yes, you’ll forgive them even if they never apologize, even if they didn’t have the decency to say “I’m sorry.”
Basically, you have two options here: You can let bitterness eat you alive. You can live in the past, overwhelmed with hatred and anger. Or you can let it go and move on.
But let me tell you something: this resentment doesn’t impact your ex in any way. It doesn’t do them any harm, and you’re not serving them any revenge.
The only person you’re harming with these negative emotions is yourself. They’re turning you into a toxic person. Most importantly: they’re keeping you mentally trapped in your relationship.
That’s why letting go of a relationship is crucial. You have to let go of every single feeling related to this person, including all the grudges.
5. Self-blame is the road to hell
Nevertheless, there is something even more important than forgiving your ex: self-forgiveness.
Falling into the trap of self-accusations is quite common in the post-break-up phase for a lot of people. You can’t help but wonder if you could have done something to prevent this from happening.
Some people start blaming themselves for even engaging in this relationship. This is especially true for romantic relationships with toxic people.
How come I didn’t see who they were in the beginning? How could I have been so blind to all the red flags right in front of my nose?
Why didn’t I leave earlier? Why did I let them treat me that badly for so long?
Why didn’t I choose a better significant other? Why did I hope I’d change them?
The important thing in this situation is to understand that what is done is done. You can’t turn back time, and you can’t erase the past, so why waste any energy on it?
Besides, if you were involved in a toxic relationship, remember that you were the victim here. You can’t be to blame for allowing your abuser to get the best of you – the responsibility is all theirs.
Another common self-blame pattern is about your inability to save the relationship.
Did I leave too soon? Was there anything that could’ve been done about it? Did I make the right choice? Was it me? Am I actually responsible for the breakup?
In this case, keep in mind that you did everything in your power for things not to end. I’m sure you’ve put all of your efforts into this relationship, but the end was inevitable. It was doomed to fail, and if you hadn’t left, it would only have destroyed you as well.
No, you weren’t selfish for choosing your happiness over your romantic relationship. You saved yourself, and that was the right thing to do.
So, please, forgive yourself for every little mistake you made. You didn’t know better at the time, and you did everything from the bottom of your heart.
You know how they say: The most valuable lessons aren’t taught – they’re experienced. Well, that’s exactly what you did: you experienced your relationship and the heartbreak that came afterward.
I bet all of it taught you way more than you can see now. So instead of focusing on all the bad things, see it as a chance to learn.
Instead of focusing on all the emotional baggage and traumas, pay attention to all the good things this relationship brought you.
First and foremost, now, you know exactly what you want and don’t want from the opposite sex. Your standards are very clear, and I’m sure you won’t settle for less ever again.
And let’s not forget the most important thing: this experience made you a lot stronger. Now you see how much you can handle, and you’re not scared of anything life might throw your way.
All the hazards of the blame game
I can’t stress this enough: Don’t even think of engaging in any kind of blame game with your ex. This also applies to the situation when you’re still technically together, and you’re getting the strength for the breakup.
What’s the point of it all? You’ve both done your share of work, and you won’t accomplish anything if you toss the blame ball around.
Actually, it will just make you both feel worse. At the end of the day, does it really matter who is to blame?
6. No-contact is the way to go
Moving on from a serious relationship means you can’t stay friends with your ex. And I really mean it!
This wasn’t a casual fling with no emotions. You shared a life with this person. How do you expect to get over your ex if they’re still around?
Some people think that staying close to each other is an easier way of healing. Trust me – it’s not.
Actually, every relationship expert will tell you the same: going no-contact is the only sane way to go. It’s the thing you won’t hesitate to do if you want what’s best for your emotional and mental well-being.
There should be no good morning and good night texts, no checking up on each other, no asking your mutual friends about their whereabouts, no “accidentally” meeting one another at “your place,” no making excuses to stay in touch…
No contact means no contact at all.
Trust me – if you keep this person out of your sight, you’ll keep them out of your heart and mind as well. It’s literally impossible to get over them if they’re still physically present in your life.
I’ll be honest: this won’t be easy. You’ll miss them like hell, and you’ll feel the urge to contact them all the time.
But you have to be strong. Please, remember that this is for your own good. Do your best not to think about what they’re going through during no contact!
We’ve come to the real questions: What about social media? Is it necessary to block your ex on all of your accounts? Or is it impolite to do so?
Well, it all depends. If you plan on posting stories directed to them, and if you plan on obsessively waiting for their posts and checking their online status, then it’s better to block them right away.
I suppose you don’t want to do this. They’re someone you spent so much time with, and it’s kind of rude to block them, especially if you separated on good terms.
That’s why I suggest a trial period. If you’re really capable of ignoring their existence on social media, you’re free to leave them to your followers.
But if you catch yourself stalking their profiles or waiting for their reply on your story, you know what you’ve got to do.
7. Prioritize yourself
Your emotional and mental health always comes first! Don’t you ever forget that!
I know it’s easy to let sadness eat you alive. It’s easy to fall into the trap of pessimism and start seeing your life as a dark tunnel without a light ahead.
But that kind of attitude won’t bring you anywhere.
That’s why you must begin practicing self-love right away. To be exact, you have to incorporate self-love and self-care into your daily life.
Love yourself! Easier said than done, sure. But it’s something you learn how to do.
Once you put yourself in the first place, you’ll realize that nobody is worthy of your tears and suffering. You have to love yourself more than you loved them, which is the whole point.
Boost your self-esteem
The number one thing is to start working on your self-esteem. Remember who you are and who you were before your romance.
Your failed relationship made you feel unloved and unwanted, and it’s time to change that perception of yourself.
Just because things didn’t work out with one girl or guy, it doesn’t mean that you’re less worthy. First of all, your relationship status doesn’t define your value at all.
You can spend the rest of your life single (which I’m not saying will happen), but that doesn’t make people in successful love relationships better than you.
Start by focusing on your good sides. If necessary, make a list of all of your qualities and read them out loud every time you’re feeling down.
Continue working on yourself. As great of a person you are, there is always room for improvement.
But don’t engage in this self-work for the sake of getting your ex back or for the sake of your future relationships. Become the best possible version of yourself for yourself.
Trust me – once you realize how amazing you are, you’ll also understand that you deserve much more than what your ex had to offer.
8. Rebound relationships won’t help you heal
When will I be ready for a new relationship? Will a new relationship help me forget my previous one?
These are the questions relationship experts get on a daily basis. On the one hand, even thinking about letting someone new into your life is a sign of progress.
It means that you’re capable of picturing yourself next to a new guy or a girl who isn’t your ex. Great for you!
But before we jump to any conclusions, let’s dig a little deeper and figure out where these questions are really coming from.
It’s one thing if enough time has passed since the end of a relationship. You’ve passed through all the stages of grief, and now you’re ready to get back out there and start something new.
Nevertheless, as long as you’re wondering how to move on from a relationship, you’re probably not there just yet.
It’s more likely that you want a new relationship for all the wrong reasons. Some people think it will ease their pain, some start dating in spite of their ex, and some want to continue exactly where they left off (but with another person this time).
Each one of these reasons is unhealthy. In all of these cases, a new relationship won’t help you.
Actually, what you’re looking for is a rebound relationship – a situation where you date someone new without getting over your ex.
Why is it a bad idea?
What harm can it bring? After all, you just want to have a little fun, and this is the perfect solution to take your mind off things.
First of all, a rebound relationship will probably get you through another heartbreak. It’s likely that you’ll be searching for your ex in every new person that crosses your path.
Of course, you won’t find them (luckily!). Sooner or later, you’ll have to admit that this is not the real deal and that you were just trying to find the perfect replacement.
Also, this is not a good healing mechanism. A new relationship keeps you occupied, but at the same time, it doesn’t allow you to move on in a healthy way.
Instead of dealing with your pain and curing it, you focus all of your energy on this new person. Well, that can’t last long. Before you know it, all of your repressed emotions will come and get you.
Finally, you’re hurting an innocent person. You’re dragging a third party into your mess without them even being aware of it.
At the end of the day, you’ll break their heart. And what does that make you? That’s right – it means you’re nothing better than your ex.
When will I be ready?
Nobody can tell you for sure when you’ll be ready for someone new. But I can tell you this: don’t start anything until you’re sure that your emotional baggage won’t interfere with your future relationship.
There is plenty of time to meet your soulmate. Besides, you can’t rush it as much as you might want to – it will happen when it’s meant to be.
Until then, enjoy your single life and make the most out of it. I promise you – you’ll thank me later!
9. Give time a chance to do its magic
Wouldn’t it be great if we could snap our fingers and stitch our broken hearts back together? But what would be the fun in that, am I right?
Whether you like it or not, healing and letting go take time. Moving on is a process that doesn’t end when we want it to.
It has its stages, and you have to go through every single one of them before arriving at your final goal.
So please, don’t rush yourself and take time to heal. Or even better – give time enough time to do its magic.
This might sound like a corny cliché, but time really does heal all wounds.
Before you know it, you’ll notice that it has been an entire day since you thought of your past relationship. It doesn’t sound like much, but hey, one step at a time.
10. See it as a new beginning
Keep this in mind: the end of a relationship isn’t the end of your life. Instead, what you should do is look at it as a chance for a new beginning.
Because that’s what this situation really is. It’s a unique opportunity for a fresh start.
Now, after all this time, you’re finally free to do whatever you want with your life. You don’t have to consult anyone about your vacation, place to live, and dozens of other things.
Let’s not forget about all the energy and time you have on your hands. Of course, you can spend it all grieving over your failed relationship.
Or you can invest it in something much better – yourself. You can finally do all the things you’ve been planning to do for so long.
Start with small steps like finishing all the tasks you’ve been procrastinating doing, read that book that’s been lying on your shelf for months. After you see that you can do this, you’re ready to hit the gym, start a new hobby, or learn a new language.
It wasn’t meant to be
Trust me – God gave you this opportunity to live your life the way it’s meant to be. This person wasn’t your soulmate, and it’s better that you’ve realized this on time.
So please, stop living in the past and turn to the future. Every new day is a new chance to do something with your life, and it’s up to you how you use it.
How to move on from a toxic relationship
It should be easier to move on from a relationship that’s not working, right? After all, you see all the red flags, and it’s clear that things will never change.
Sadly, things don’t always work that way. Actually, you even think of fixing your toxic relationship.
The trick is that you’re trapped in this endless love-hate circle, and moving on seems impossible.
I’ll tell you the truth: it’s difficult, but it can be done. Besides taking all the steps explained above, the most important thing here is to understand that you’ll never get what you crave.
As much as it kills you, kill your hopes. Things will never be normal, and you’ll never have a healthy relationship with this person.
If necessary, keep repeating this to yourself over and over again until you finally believe it.
How do you move on from someone you love?
There is only one way to walk away from someone you still love: remember to love yourself more. When you prioritize yourself and put your happiness in the first place, you’ll understand that leaving the person who makes you miserable is the only way to go.
But if that’s not enough, here are some more tips for moving on from someone you still have feelings for:
- Focus on the negative sides of the relationship.
- Work on yourself.
- Go no contact.
- Accept it wasn’t meant to be.
- Ask for help.
How long does it take you to move on from a relationship?
Relationship experts claim that the average time until most people start feeling better after a breakup is three to six months. Of course, everything is optional since different people heal at different paces.
Some manage to move on from a relationship in a few weeks. I hate to break it to you, but some people take years to get back on track.
The important thing is not to rush yourself. However, you can definitely speed up the process if you follow all the steps mentioned above.
To Wrap Up:
Now that you know how to move on from a relationship, all you have to do is follow the entire step-by-step program, and you’re ready to go. Sounds like a piece of cake, right?
Well, I think that we both know it’s not. But hey, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.
All I want you to keep in mind is that this won’t be a linear process. Sometimes, you’ll take two steps forward and three steps back.
There will be good and bad days. There will be days when you’ll want to go back to your ex, at all costs. Days when you’ll think you’ll never make it.
Days when you’ll fall. But you know what the best part is? If you do everything right, you’ll always pick yourself back up!
Good luck! I believe in you!