When you’re the other woman, you keep looking for signs a married man is in love with you. You romanticize your relationship, see it as true love, and secretly hope that he’ll end up with you.
But, while you’re busy fantasizing, somehow, you skip the signs a married man is using you! Have you ever considered the idea that this guy couldn’t care less about you, and that you serve him as a distraction from his unhappy marriage?
I don’t mean to be harsh, but sadly, this is a common scenario with single women and married guys.
Signs A Married Man Is Using You
If your married man loves you, he’ll never behave like this:
1. He wants you to be completely faithful.
Okay, let’s get things sorted out. This man is married – that’s a known fact by now. I won’t go into details of his marriage now because we can never know what happens behind closed doors.
However, one thing is for sure: he’s already in a committed relationship. The truth is that he’s not faithful to his wife, but in some weird way, he’s not faithful to you either – as long as he remains next to his significant other.
Nevertheless, he demands fidelity from you. I’m not just talking about sleeping with other guys.
He expects you to act like you’re in a serious relationship. You’re not allowed to go out on dates or to have dating apps, and he even gets jealous when you mention your male best friends or coworkers.
This man acts as if he owns you, while you must share him with his wife. How absurd is this? And, you know what’s even worse: the fact that you accept these terms and conditions.
Depriving you of happiness
He wants you just for himself. Oh, how romantic that would be if we could disregard one tiny piece of information: the fact that he can’t offer you his fidelity!
Basically, this man is depriving you of happiness. He is literally stealing years of your life, and as if that wasn’t enough, he steals away every possibility of you meeting someone new and saving yourself.
2. But, he doesn’t leave his wife.
At the same time, he doesn’t do anything about his divorce. If this fact alone isn’t one of the most obvious signs a married man is using you – I don’t know what is. I know he keeps telling you that his divorce will be finalized any time soon.
But, come on… do you really believe him? It’s not that you’re just letting him lie to you; you lie to yourself as well.
Did he do anything particular regarding his separation? Did he even mention to his wife that the two of them should split?
Did he start rebuilding his life? Maybe he needs to find a new place to stay or rearrange his finances so he can pay child support in the future.
The answer to all of these questions is the same: he didn’t move an inch for you while you moved mountains for his sake. And, that tells you everything: he won’t leave his wife.
3. He is not there for you.
How many holidays did this guy spend by your side? Can you call him when you have an emergency, even if it’s in the middle of the night?
Can he spontaneously show up at your doorstep when you miss him? Can he be your plus one on weddings and other family events?
I already know the answers to all of these questions – I just asked them to remind you of reality.
If you sum your entire relationship up, you’ll have to admit that this man is never there for you. You’re pretty much alone in this relationship since you can’t count on him for anything.
He’s not there to hold your hand when you need him to. He’s not there to comfort you when you start crying in the middle of the night.
This man isn’t your friend – he’s just your lover. He’s not the rock you need, and certainly not the one you can rely on. It’s one of the biggest signs a married man is using you.
4. No meaningful conversations.
Let’s continue with the questions. Here’s the tough one: When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with this guy? Of course, I’m referring to the topics that don’t concern him.
You have no chance to talk about your personal life. He’s always too busy to hear you out, and he has no time to talk about your feelings.
The bottom line is that he’s probably there for one thing only: the physical pleasure you give him. At the same time, you give him the validation he desperately craves.
He never gives you advice, he is not involved in the things that are bothering you, and he’s never interested in what you have to say. Even when he listens to you, he doesn’t pay attention to what you’re saying.
Aren’t all of these clear signs he just wants to sleep with you because this is definitely now how a loving, healthy relationship should look!
5. He avoids the divorce talk.
The worst part about this entire situation is that your lover no longer wants to talk about divorce. But, at the same time, he is obviously not brave enough to tell you straight in the face that he doesn’t plan on changing anything in his love life.
Whenever you bring this topic up, he’s too tired to discuss it right now. He has a lot of things on his mind, and he’s too stressed out to tackle it at this moment.
And, let’s not forget my all-time favorite: he ends up accusing you of ruining your rare moments of happiness together.
Did you really have to start with that now when we’re having such a great time?
Sounds familiar, right? As a result, you’re scared to even mention his divorce because you know it will start a fight.
And, just like that – he has you right where he wants you!
6. He accuses you of seducing him.
Have you ever wondered how married men get away with their extramarital affairs? Well, it’s actually pretty simple: they convince their wives that it wasn’t their fault.
This is exactly the way your lover behaves. Even though you’re a single woman and he’s the cheater, he acts like you’re the one who seduced him.
Isn’t that convenient? It’s like you forced him to be with you, which is certainly not the case.
Basically, he hits two birds with this stone. First of all, he annuls himself of responsibility and has a clear conscience to continue behaving in the same manner.
Secondly, he puts all the blame on you. If you believe him, you end up destroying your mental health because you can’t help but feel guilty for breaking some innocent woman’s heart.
Well, hear me out on this one. Even though you carry your part of the responsibility for this situation, he’s the one with the wedding ring here… the one breaking his vows, and the one to blame for this mess!
7. His marriage always comes first.
Sorry to break it to you, but the first place in this man’s life is already taken, and his wife has it. At least, that’s how he acts, which, of course, doesn’t add up to his words.
The bottom line is that he treats you like a second choice, and that’s one of the good signs a married man is using you.
His family is his priority. He’ll always run to help out his wife rather than respond to your text message.
Whether you like it or not, he spends most of his free time with her. Let’s talk about New Year parties, Christmases, and Valentine’s Day.
I know he says he doesn’t care about her and that he has strong feelings for you, but if that were true, you wouldn’t always come second, would you?
8. Lies and deceit.
If you’re being honest, you’ll admit that this toxic relationship is based on false promises, lies, and deceptions.
He doesn’t love his wife, he doesn’t sleep with her, and he’ll leave her anytime now. When men cheat, these are the usual lies they say to their mistresses.
But, let’s talk about little things as well. How many times have you fallen asleep in your prettiest dress, with full makeup on, and with your phone in your hand?
That’s right, I’m talking about all those nights he promised you he’d come to see you, but never showed up.
9. He doesn’t care about your well-being.
Here’s another harsh truth, and one of the good signs a married man is using you. Let’s face it: he rarely takes your well-being into consideration. He doesn’t think about your needs, and he most certainly doesn’t care about you.
How will this entire situation impact your life? How will it affect your future? Is he breaking your heart? Will you ever be able to recover from all of this mess?
Is your mental health ruined? How will you heal your shattered soul? Will you spend the rest of your life in the position of the other woman?
Are you jealous of the fact that you have to share him with his wife? How do you feel about your relationship?
Do you think he worries over any of these questions? I promise you he doesn’t.
After all, this is quite obvious. This is not the man who brings you hot soup when you’re sick nor does he hold your hand when you need his emotional support.
He’s selfish, and cares only about himself!
10. You’re not his only extramarital affair.
When men cheat, they rarely stop at one woman only. Deep down, you know that your lover is having numerous other affairs with other single girls or even married women.
What about all of those text messages and phone calls he keeps on getting? What about the fact that he hides his phone or mysteriously disappears from your life?
Of course, he can always tell you that he’s spending his free time with his wife, but trust me, this kind of behavior is a warning sign that he’s cheating on you with a third woman.
I don’t mean to be harsh, but it’s something you could have seen coming. He’s clearly a serial cheater, and what’s even worse, he doesn’t see anything wrong about it!
11. You’re just convenient.
Every married man wants the same: a woman who won’t ask him too many questions and who’ll always be available when he feels like seeing her. Well, I hate to break it to you, but this is exactly how your lover sees you.
If he treats you like you’re convenient, it’s because he doesn’t love you. Instead, he’s with you because you give him everything he needs.
You’re a distraction from his boring married life. He doesn’t have to make future plans with you because, let’s face it, you two have no future.
You’re in no position to ask him anything, and he doesn’t have to be committed to your relationship. Besides, he gets to sleep with you, which is a huge bonus.
And, let’s not forget one of the most important things: you give him the validation he needs. He is still the man he used to be. His seducing skills are in perfect order.
You skyrocket his self-esteem. He sees himself as this macho man who has two women fighting over him!
12. He hides you from the rest of the world.
This guy never let you in his life. I’m not saying that he should arrange a meeting between you and his family. However, if he really plans on getting a divorce, or if he was really working on it, he wouldn’t hide you from everyone in his life.
And, that’s exactly what your married man is doing. Even if someone he knows catches you together, his body language instantly changes and he becomes emotionally distant and cold.
He’s doing this because he doesn’t see your relationship as anything more than a casual fling. He’ll probably forget about you soon, and he doesn’t need anyone reminding him of your existence.
Besides, it’s easier to get rid of you when the time comes if you’re not involved in his life.
13. A control freak.
When a married man falls in love with a single woman, he knows he doesn’t deserve her. The same goes with your toxic relationship: your lover is very well aware that you could replace him for someone better (and, most importantly, single) in the blink of an eye.
So, he turns into a control freak in an attempt to prevent this from happening. He has jealous outbursts, checks your every move, and even starts to stalk you.
He goes through your phone, wants you to delete all of your social media profiles, and is trying to tell you what to do with your life.
If this is something you can relate to, please see it as a red flag of a controlling manipulator. It’s likely that he won’t leave you alone even if you try to walk away.
Just have one thing in mind: he’s not behaving like this because he loves you – this man feels like he owns you!
14. He manipulates you into staying.
When a married man cares about you, he doesn’t want you to leave him – obviously. However, manipulating you into staying is a new level of toxicity.
Every time you try to walk away, he finds a way to get you back. All of a sudden, he becomes ill and the doctors even told him that it could be something serious.
Or, he shows up, begging you not to leave him. He promises that he’ll change, and that everything will fall in perfect order.
If that doesn’t work, he plays with your consciousness. He goes even as far as telling you that he’ll do something to himself if you break up with him – a true example of emotional blackmail.
This man clearly knows how to trigger you. He plays with your head and you end up doing exactly what he wants.
15. Everything happens under his rules.
Sometimes, you feel as if you are just a passive bystander in this relationship. Or, maybe you’re a puppet without your own free will.
Either way, the point is that everything, and I mean literally everything, happens under his rules.
There is a scheduled time during which you can text him, you only visit the hidden, dark places where no one can see you. You meet when it’s convenient for him.
Basically, you do whatever he wants because you’re terrified of losing him. You have no saying regarding your relationship, and he definitely doesn’t treat you as his equal.
16. You’re his dumping site.
Is he unhappy with his married life? Does he have some problems with his children? Is he going through a financial crisis? Or, maybe his mental health is destroyed?
Well, in that case, he should work on solving his problems. Or, he should find himself a shrink.
However, instead of this, he uses you as his dumping site. He tells you all about his problems, he pours out his entire baggage and gets rid of all the weight on his shoulders.
In the meantime, you’re always there to hear him out. After all, where would you go? You’re full of understanding, and you never fail to give him a solution to all of his troubles.
It wouldn’t surprise me if he had the nerve to ask you for relationship advice regarding his marriage – if we’re being honest, that’s the only thing that’s left for you to solve on his behalf.
And, what happens after you comfort him? Well, he goes back to his idyllic life, relieved from stress.
If this isn’t one of the sure signs a married man is using you, I don’t know what is.
17. Your gut feeling tells you.
Finally, there are some things that are difficult to explain. You can see it in his body language, his tone of voice, or when you two have eye contact – this man doesn’t love you and he never did.
At first, you thought you were imagining all these signs a married man is using you, but when you come to think of it, your gut feeling was right all along.
See also: 25 Signs A Man Is Using You For Money You Shouldn’t Ignore
How do you know if a married man is unhappy in his marriage?
A man who is unhappily married will use every excuse possible to run away from his wife, and he’ll avoid spending time with her at all costs.
This is the guy who always advises all the bachelors around him to never tie the knot because hell awaits them. Also, he complains about his wife all the time.
Of course, there are men who deliberately act this way to deceive you. They’ll lie that they’re unhappy in their marriage to justify their extramarital activities.
How do you get a married man to miss you?
If you want to make a married man miss you, you have to stop being so available. He’s used to having you around whenever he feels like it, and it’s about time he sees that you’re a real person – not his puppet who comes on demand.
Go no-contact and make him worry about losing you for good. Once he feels your absence, he’ll realize he can’t live without you.
To Wrap Up:
Look… I’m not here to judge. But, if you’ve seen all the signs a married man is using you, what are you still doing by his side?
I know it’s easy for me to tell you to leave him. The hardest part is to actually move on. However, you know this is not the man you can make future plans with.
I hate to break it to you, but the situation between you two will never change. You have no other choice but to leave while you still have time!