Take a step back and see things for what they are. You are constantly waiting for better days, for someone to be ready, for someone to change, treat you better and finally stay but he never does.
One minute he is there, the next he is nowhere to be found and you are left alone, picking up the pieces.
This on-again, off-again thing you have going on is making you tired.
It’s making a mess out of your thoughts and feelings. It’s giving you a false sense of belonging while he is there and when he is not, you realize just how unhappy you are with this whole situation.
It’s time to make things better for yourself and ask for what you deserve. You have to put a stop to this back and forth thing you have going on or this scenario will keep repeating itself until you break completely.
It’s time to take a realistic look and see things for what they are, instead of for what you want them to be.
It’s time to give priority to the things you deserve instead of the things that you are getting. It’s time to make some sense out of things.
This is the path you need to follow if you are willing to put a stop to the back and forth relationship you are involved in:
1. How many chances are you willing to give?
This is the first question you have to ask yourself so you can get some clarity.
Maybe everyone deserves a second chance but a third, fourth or every next one is too much.
If you keep giving them endless chances, they will lead you to a lifetime of disappointment.
So, after the second chance, give no more chances. They will be in vain. He will waste each and every one of them.
2. Talk to friends who are blunt and won’t sugar-coat anything
Sometimes all you need is to hear things you already know. Sometimes you need to hear that somebody is abusing your kindness and taking you and your heart for granted.
That’s why you should always turn to your blunt friends when you are in need of a reality check.
You know they won’t say things you want to hear but they will certainly say everything that needs to be said to put things into perspective.
3. Are you misplacing your trust?
The real question here is whether you are relying on your heart or on your mind when making decisions.
It’s always advisable to follow your heart but you have to take your brain with you.
The heart can be deceiving at times. That’s why you have to see if the bad outweighs the good, if there is more sadness than happiness, if there is more uneasiness than tranquility. And choose to trust your brain on this one.
4. Figure out what it is that you want exactly
You have to have that talk with yourself about the things you are willing to tolerate and things you will never tolerate under any circumstances.
Ask yourself if you are okay with the way things are now. Are you satisfied with this emotional roller coaster you are stuck on?
If not, make some changes. Create standards for yourself and make them into something mandatory.
You deserve respect, love, loyalty, and investments, so don’t settle for anything half-assed.
5. Talk to him openly
Once you figure things out for yourself, it’s time to talk to him.
Don’t allow him to treat you like a mop with which he will wipe his floor. Don’t allow him to come and go from your life as he pleases.
Don’t allow him to take you for granted or to look at you as a woman who is always there no matter what.
6. Realize that you are worth more
You deserve so much more than this back and forth thing you have going on.
If you want stability and commitment, don’t settle for less. You shouldn’t be satisfied with the crumbs of affection and attention he is serving you.
You need someone who is sure about you. Someone who stays no matter what.
Someone who stays through thick and thin. If he is unwilling to give you all the things you deserve, let him stay gone—you don’t need him in your life.
7. Let him go
This is the hardest part but it has to be done. You will reach that turning point in which you will know you have had enough.
Feelings will still be there and walking away from him will be one of the hardest things you ever had to do. But you will do it anyway and you will never look back.
At this point, you will know that he broke your heart piece by piece every time he went.
That you gave him enough chances to make some changes and treat you right but he never did. He will be all out of chances and you will be all out of faith in him.
8. Establish new rules
You will have those lonely days where you will want to send him a text, call him to come over, or let him back into your life, especially with the first glimpses that he might be sorry.
Resist those urges. It’s all temporary. Sometimes you have to be stronger than yourself.
Make your own new set of rules or follow the no contact rule to get him out of your system.
All you need is time to process things. And though it might be painful to shut him out of your life completely, it’s necessary and you will thank yourself later for it.
9. Give yourself time to heal
Don’t expect that things will get better overnight. Go easy on yourself; you will have your ups and downs, your good and bad days but you will come out of it all thriving.
Remember that you are always stronger than you think.
The best thing to do to make your healing process more effective is to constantly work on making yourself happy.
You can completely reinvent yourself, make your life into something that you will be proud of.
10. Leave him behind but take the lesson with you
One good thing that came out of all of this is that you learned your lessons. You learned so you wouldn’t repeat them.
You won’t allow anyone else to treat you poorly. You won’t allow being treated like a stop along the way when you are a final destination.
You won’t settle for someone who is there only halfway —he is all in or he is all out; there is no middle ground here. You just need someone who wants the same things as you do.
You will find out soon enough that not having the burden of him going in and out of your life is such a relief.
Your heart is at ease now and there is nothing you would trade for that sense of peace and harmony now.