It was easy going back to him. It was like a natural occurrence. He would make my life a living hell. Then, I would forgive him, and before I knew it, we were right back at the start.
It seemed natural to go back to him since I had nobody else to look forward to. He was all I knew, and I lost the ability to see that there are other men out there who would treat me like I deserve.
I lost the ability to see myself and how unhappy I was in all of that. Every time I was back in his arms made me forget about everything that was wrong with us.
I am not the victim here. I am not justifying myself. I stayed in something almost because I was too scared to be alone—even though that almost made me lonelier than I have ever been.
I was forcing something to work, even though it wasn’t right for me. It was all messy with a lot of back and forths. And before I knew it, my subconscious was telling me that there is nothing better out there for me.
It’s incredible how something that doesn’t seem so harmful like an almost relationship can do so much damage. It makes you lose your pride because you continuously forgive the unforgivable.
It makes you lose your sense of self and your confidence because you keep going back to someone who doesn’t see you—not the real you.
All he is interested in is your naked body and all the good you can do for him. He doesn’t care how your day went. He doesn’t know your dreams or hidden desires. He certainly has no idea about your problems.
He is clueless about the fact that you couldn’t sleep last night because he didn’t text you back the entire day. He doesn’t want to see that you love him so much that you put his needs before your own.
He doesn’t mind that you worry about his troubles and that you are trying to make it easier on him. All he does is take your efforts for granted and play with your heart like it’s not his business.
He doesn’t know and it doesn’t affect him in any way that he has made you think that you are unable to love again; that he has taken all your love and energy with him that day he chose to walk away for good.
Now, you are tired because the almost relationship exhausted you. It led you on this emotional roller coaster trip you weren’t prepared for.
It made your every day or every week different. One would be filled with tears and the other one with laughter, depending on his will to move in and out of your life.
But what you fail to see is that the end of an almost relationship is the best thing that might have happened to you.
You can finally rest and recover all the energy it has taken from you. You don’t have to wait around for him to call or text back. You don’t have to ask for his time. You don’t have to wait until he is ready to be in something more committed.
You won’t have to burden yourself with his problems. You will concentrate on you, on mending your heart and making your life better. You will learn to love yourself again.
You are done waiting for anybody or anything, and it’s the most liberating feeling ever.
An almost relationship won’t be something that’s holding you away from love. It will be the exact thing that will help you recognize real love when it comes your way.
You will know what love should never be like. You will know the things that you won’t settle for or overlook. You will know that what you need and want in a man is nothing like what you already had.
You will love somebody again with all your heart and more than you ever thought possible. You will know it’s real because you will be loved back.
That almost relationship you were once in will be nothing more than a distant memory and the best lesson you could have had in life.